What actually is Romance and do men REALLY like it

[SillyBilly]

Firstly, sorry to hear about your divorce. I think you're probably of the age now and with enough worldly experience where you know what you can and can't be arsed with, this is a great leap forward in itself! Hopefully you will attract the sort of person which is on your level in that respect.

I personally became a lot more successful with women when I stopped pretending to try and live up to an ideal I wasn't. The "being yourself" is actually the best advice you can give, if a woman doesn't share the same outlook then why waste time for either of you.

My missus is Swedish, I see her once or twice a month which suits me fine.

 

 

[Isambard]

Cool thanks for the post. Yes your absolutely right. I am being myself but I am trying to force the issue on me. Food for thought.

Thanks all

[Turned Out Nice Again]

I refer you to the penguins video i posted on the Scrappers thread. That is all.

[Hail the Tripod]

2 hours ago, Isambard said:

Yeah how did women attract men. They don't really - they just try and look nice its a good point - what ACTUALLY do they do in the whole process. 

 

My son is in the 10-11 year group at school. It's getting noticeable that the girls are starting to be interested in the boys, but most of the boys are still utterly disinterested in the girls. The girls are every bit as lost and clumsy when it comes to flirting as the boys will be in a couple of years time.

[SpectrumFX]

From a cynical point of view romance is any interaction that leads to hormonal reactions encouraging pair bonding. Provided a man's hormonal triggers are appropriately pressed, then he should enjoy the process.

Just find people that you enjoy interacting with, and once you find them make time for them.

[DTMark]

Romance is when you flatter the other person by doing something unexpected that demonstrates that you know them better than they think you did.

[Riedquat]

Not really sure what it is. I've an idea but not one I can explain, and whether it really exists in any meaningful sense (at least more than very occasionally) I'm not sure about either. Probably why I'm single and haven't ever really met anyone who seriously makes me regret that.

[Bossybabe]

8 hours ago, paulokes said:

Indeed BB

 

And for me personally...the idea that I might get through a series of lovely and sh1tty days with one person and suddenly find we're both quite old, don't hate each other and didn't give up is wather womantic

I believe this is an unpopular position to hold these days.  One is supposed to be more realistic, more independent, have a higher sense of belief in oneself, be less traditional, not be so naive etc etc.

It's biology you see.  We are all meant to be miserable lonely feckers with only fleeting moments of true happiness in between to make us believe it was all worthwhile

P

 

That's me: a miserable lonely fecker. I've had my moments, though, and have some very good friends. ?

[Errol]

Romance = sex.

For men the ultimate expression is through sex.

[crashmonitor]

14 hours ago, MrPin said:

Men should like engines and power tools.

Gotta say a woman walked out on me when I was 40 or so. No hate, no fights, she just wanted out. I guess it's like a job!

I hired the van and drove, and she paid the fuel. I never heard from her again.

You're lucky, hell freezes over when a man leaves a woman. I had to go into hiding for six months.

[Turned Out Nice Again]

17 minutes ago, paulokes said:

Read an interesting study a few years ago on the reasons why men and women decided a relationship had come to an end.

For women, the no 1 was a feeling of being controlled or not having freedom.

For men, the no 1 was feeling that the 'spark' had gone or physical attraction was no longer present.

P

the women are rationalizing, IMO. it's only ever physical attraction.

[winkie]

2 hours ago, crashmonitor said:

You're lucky, hell freezes over when a man leaves a woman. I had to go into hiding for six months.

...Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.

[davidg]

15 hours ago, Hail the Tripod said:

My son is in the 10-11 year group at school. It's getting noticeable that the girls are starting to be interested in the boys, but most of the boys are still utterly disinterested in the girls. The girls are every bit as lost and clumsy when it comes to flirting as the boys will be in a couple of years time.

Picked my son up from school yesterday. As I was waiting outside a young lad came running terrified out of the school gates hotly pursued by two randy harpies who finally cornered him in the car park and snogged him. The girls are bigger than the boys at that age. Lucky for the 12 year old girls there are older boys to date, I guess. I even had one offer me her mobile number.

[mikthe20]

13 hours ago, DTMark said:

Romance is when you flatter the other person by doing something unexpected that demonstrates that you know them better than they think you did.

This is exactly it IMO, and very well put. It's showing that you know and think of them, which makes them feel valued and closer to you. It has nothing to do with money although both men and women conflate the two.

Again IMO, women like to be romanced but don't do much in the way of romancing. I think men are actually more romantic, sentimental beings - look at the number of soppy romantic songs written by men and how few are written by women (a lot of women's songs these days are about empowerment and not about their bloke). I went to a Burns Night dinner earlier in the year where the male host did the "toast to the lassies" thing and was extremely complementary and indeed romantic about his wife, albeit a bit too gushing for my liking. She followed with the "toast to the laddies" which consisted of "let's celebrate the strength of women" and not a single complementary word was said about men or in particular her husband.

The trick OP is that romantic gestures should be rare and personal to her - that element of surprise really works (and does indeed loosen knickers) but do it too often and they think you're a plonker (as I suspect in my Burns Night example).

[jfk]

I think romance is a load of cobblers. But then again I'm probably high functioning Aspergers so ... that figures!

Mrs JFK looks at me strangely when I say romance is just a load of cynical marketing

[Battenberg]

14 hours ago, DTMark said:

Romance is when you flatter the other person by doing something unexpected that demonstrates that you know them better than they think you did.

As insightful as ever DTMark. I think that's very close to what I was thinking.

I would consider thoughtfulness romantic.

If I'm out and about I might pick something up in the shops for Mr B because I know he likes it. If he does the same then I consider that romantic because it shows that he has thought about me whilst we're not together. 

It doesn't have to over the top gestures, just simple things. 

This thread reminded me a bit of when I was young and worked in an office. One Valentine's Day one of the girls had the largest bunch of red roses delivered to her desk. She was the kind of girl that was bound to have something because she'd most likely made so much fuss in the build up to the day and badgered the poor git into making sure he sent something in order to demonstrate his profound love for her and for her to prove to everyone else what a catch she was. It turns out it was all pointless. Once they'd bought a house and had a child they separated. 

[Freeholder]

It was very romantic the day we got married, nice ritual, lots of friends and family, plenty of grub, a very great deal to drink and a great shag.

Come to think of it that was how it was the first time as well.

 

[ARIMA]

18 hours ago, DTMark said:

Romance is when you flatter the other person by doing something unexpected that demonstrates that you know them better than they think you did.

Very good, I probably need to do more of this.  Well worthy of your 7000th post.

[DTMark]

Look out for little clues. Certain reactions, from someone on the TV talking about their new book to, shall I say, reactions to activities in bed.

The former can be noted easily by subtly opening the Amazon app on your phone and adding something to the wish list.

Probably best not to do that with the latter.

[wherebee]

On 11/8/2016 at 1:04 PM, paulokes said:

I was pointed towards this today:

The Brain on Love

I don't believe we are programmed to feck and feck each other over.

I do believe the brain is hardwired for love and connection.

I think it's that interesting bit that happened inbetween when we used to go out and spear antelopes and when we used to come home from a sh1tty job, to a sh1tty flat to watch "I'm a Celebrity"

What an interesting period of human history that was

P 

Some strong evidence that this varies by ethnic groups.  Altruism, for example, is heavily weighted in NW european stock compared to all other groups.  Culture or genetics?

[Frank Hovis]

7 hours ago, wherebee said:

Some strong evidence that this varies by ethnic groups.  Altruism, for example, is heavily weighted in NW european stock compared to all other groups.  Culture or genetics?

My guess would be it's a product of having harsh winters and needing food and shelter to survive which through no fault of your own you can lose (though many lose it through plenty of fault of their own!).

This applies now but would also have applied in the ice age; I think there's recognition of a culture of helping somebody who might not otherwise survive benefits yourself because that might be you next year.  So I would expect this to apply across the whole north - Europe, Russia, Japan, Canada.

If you live somehwere without such harsh seasons then there's usually going to be food somewhere and the need for shelter is less urgent; so there isn't going to be an annual potential problem and you will be less inclined to help somebody out when you know that they can help themselves.

I'd say genetic and cultural but not restricted to NW Europe.  It was probably the same amongst the aborgines of Tierra del Fuego.