Therapy

[JoeDavola]

I know...sounds like it's going to be terribly serious but I'll keep it as light-hearted as possible!

Was wondering anyone here has tried counselling/therapy, and whether they thought it was of any real use?

The reason I ask is that I was referred by a doctor (due to anxiety/panic symptoms) and put on a waiting list about a year ago, then a couple of months ago actually got the appointment (I had forgotten all about the referral).

I've had three sessions with this 'councillor' and I don't quite get what they actually do for their money apart from provide a person to talk at. For three bloody hours I've sat there while they nod like the Churchill dog, and respond with the occasional generic empathic phrase to show they 'understand'.

I have received no advice (actionable or otherwise) whatsoever from them. On several occasions I stopped talking and asked for advice, and got none.

I looked this person up and they charge £45 an hour for this.

I have another session lined up (you get 6 on the NHS) when I get back from holidays but I want to just cancel it, as I really don't see the point. It's an hour from my life where I could be doing something useful. But it's a bit awkward to contact someone and say "I'd like to stop these appointments, not because you've 'cured' me, but because you're useless".

I'm in good form at the moment anyway with this holiday and all that, not just the travel aspect but the amount of physical exercise I've got, so I think spending that hour in the gym would be better for my health overall than talking to this person.

[thecrashingisles]

If they've led you to this conclusion in only three hours then they've done their job. Seriously.

[libspero]

My wife had therapy when she had problems with depression/sleeping after the birth of our daughter.. she came to a similar conclusion as you.

She took anti-depressants and sleeping pills in the end which made a slightly bigger difference.. but it wasn't until we got to the underlying problem that it really went away.

That doesn't really help at all.. Perhaps instead of therapy just loop this for an hour and bill the NHS £45

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etzMjoH0rJw

[Bloo Loo]

laughter is the best medicine.

Once we got a suicidal family member to laugh, just a bit, the ice broke and it all came tumbling out. months on, and removal of the trigger from the life, and a rebuild is in progress.

[MrPin]

laughter is the best medicine.

Once we got a suicidal family member to laugh, just a bit, the ice broke and it all came tumbling out. months on, and removal of the trigger from the life, and a rebuild is in progress.

It reminds me of "Crocodile Dundee" Don't you have any mates?

[chronyx]

Waste of time and money

[chronyx]

But it's a bit awkward to contact someone and say "I'd like to stop these appointments, not because you've 'cured' me, but because you're useless".

Spoken like a true Nice Guy.

Just say it. What's the worst that can happen?

It will probably be more cathartic than an hour talking about feelings.

[uptherebels]

Had six hour long sessions about five years ago. Seemed to work wonders for me. Even more so when I look back on it now. Sorry that is not much help to you.

[JoeDavola]

Had six hour long sessions about five years ago. Seemed to work wonders for me. Even more so when I look back on it now. Sorry that is not much help to you.

Glad to hear it! Do you know what exactly it was about the sessions that helped?

[GinAndPlatonic]

The theory is that you help yourself. The counselor gives you space to work things out. It might sound a bit daffy but it can work. A friend of mine went t counseling for a 6 months and it helped him to understand stuff....doesn`t necessarily make life a breeze, but it might help you understand why it an be tough at times...it`s the knowing why, that empowers people.

The answers can come from just talking about stuff.

[The Masked Tulip]

As I have told you before some counsellors are fantastic, most are pointless IMPO.

There are lots of psychologists who act as counsellors but they merely look at things from an academic point of view - these too are pointless. IMPO they do more harm than good.

You need to find someone who is not looking at you as an academic case but as a real human being and they, themselves, have real life experiences. This is so, so, so important.

Imagine going for marriage counselling to someone who is single and who has never been married - it would be pointless. Going to see someone who has no real life experience is a waste of time and, IMPO, can do more harm than good.

The guy I saw had been a mining engineer for 20 years before he was made redundant. He then retrained and foudn his life calling. The man would call a spade a spade and, frankly, you need someone like that rather than someone who beats around the bush. My guy had also trained in yoga and tai chi for his own personal reasons and, well, such things are brilliant aids to destressing.

It just sounds as if you have seen an idiot and had your time wasted by a dickhead. You need to find someone better. But, failing that, I do hope that you bought and read 'The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook' by Edmund J. Bourne - that book is better than a 1,000 crappy counsellors.

[MrPin]

Yes but all my mates are b@tsh!t crazy too, hence I come here for sensible advice

P

Good luck with that Jesus! I think I might be in a crazy place!

[MrPin]

Had six hour long sessions about five years ago. Seemed to work wonders for me. Even more so when I look back on it now. Sorry that is not much help to you.

Six hours in the pub usually gets me wasted. Then the police drive me home in my own car and make sure I go to bed! I am the chief Mason now!

[justthisbloke]

Had one session and found them wet and useless. They didn't warm to my protestations that I wasnt depressed - just skint. Received massive cheque that I thought I'd never see before second session. As predicted I instantly felt much better and cancelled all further nonsense.

[ccc]

Just find some randoms on a chat forum and talk about the shit going on in your life instead. Online therapy.

^ This advice just cost you £45.

[MrPin]

Just find some randoms on a chat forum and talk about the shit going on in your life instead. Online therapy.

^ This advice just cost you £45.

The invocie is in the post! Be sane with the Pin!

[winkie]

Therapy can work but it will require more than what the NHS offers....45mins once a week a two bus journey away....30 main wait.

Mental health healing is virtually non existent, apart from shoving a prescription in your hand ....very little follow through or follow up.....better off talking to an understanding listening unbiased friend.

[MrPin]

Therapy can work but it will require more than what the NHS offers....45mins once a week a two bus journey away....30 main wait.

Mental health healing is virtually non existent, apart from shoving a prescription in your hand ....very little follow through or follow up.....better off talking to an understanding listening unbiased friend.

Most people don't need "therapy", but friends are very good!

[mentalfloss]

Take what if anything you can from it. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. To be honest that always felt like ********. I'm nervous about stuff that I think matters and struggle in some social settings. I also sweat like a ******* when nervous so theres no hiding it.

I ran the full NHS course of CBT trying as hard as possible not to say "this is ******ing ********". To be fair it helped that one of the therapists was fit and would have seriously got it.

I didn't get much from it but enough to make me realise I'm a lot better off than some other people and also worrying about stuff you can't change is pointless. Also learned to examine the excuses I was making about my behaviour. The final point being the most useful. I was fat, lazy and making myself ill through drink. Yes I was also anxious but fighting through days feeling shit with a hangover and doing no exercise wasn't helping.

I'd say ditch any cyncism you have and give it a fair crack. I always thought I was a bit too smart for all that shit but small changes in awareness can make a big difference. Best of luck.

[Dorkins]

Had one session and found them wet and useless. They didn't warm to my protestations that I wasnt depressed - just skint. Received massive cheque that I thought I'd never see before second session. As predicted I instantly felt much better and cancelled all further nonsense.

I'm definitely leaning towards the position that if there's a real external stressor in your life that's making you miserable then just talking is never going to make you feel better, only the removal of the stressor will achieve that. I guess talking might help if you are struggling to correctly identify the stressor or the methods available to you to remove it. If the stressor is not something you can change like a bad global economy then what is therapy going to achieve?

[uptherebels]

Glad to hear it! Do you know what exactly it was about the sessions that helped?

Well, I may give that some time and thought, and get back to you. In short though, I guess it's just talking, and saying stuff you wouldn't say to anyone else. I had no one else anyway, so it's probably why it worked so well! Agree with others, that it's very important who is opposite you in this. I must have been lucky. Just felt right straight away. Should probably have continued it for longer. Never been one for friends. Just know people at work. None of whom I would call a friend. I do nothing social. This lifestyle makes talking nigh on impossible. I should add, This is by choice.

[Battenberg]

The theory is that you help yourself. The counselor gives you space to work things out. It might sound a bit daffy but it can work. A friend of mine went t counseling for a 6 months and it helped him to understand stuff....doesn`t necessarily make life a breeze, but it might help you understand why it an be tough at times...it`s the knowing why, that empowers people.

The answers can come from just talking about stuff.

Agreed. I had counselling following years of depression and then a traumatic birth with my second son which left me in a right mess. I found it extremely helpful but my long history of depression including being hospitalised meant that I did get nearly a year of support with my therapist.

It allowed me to work right back to the root of some of my issues, finally be able to see them fully, and make more sense of myself. I have found that it has continued to help me ever since and I've not been on any meds for 11 years now. I still work through stuff now when it rears up using the same method that helped me at the time.

The one thing I would say is that it can be a painful and uncomfortable experience . Raking up bits from the past and looking at them head on can be a bit of a set back but it's only once you go through it that you can move forward.

[dances with sheeple]

laughter is the best medicine.

Once we got a suicidal family member to laugh, just a bit, the ice broke and it all came tumbling out. months on, and removal of the trigger from the life, and a rebuild is in progress.

Did you tell them how much next door thought their house was "worth"?

[The Masked Tulip]

Agreed. I had counselling following years of depression and then a traumatic birth with my second son which left me in a right mess. I found it extremely helpful but my long history of depression including being hospitalised meant that I did get nearly a year of support with my therapist.

It allowed me to work right back to the root of some of my issues, finally be able to see them fully, and make more sense of myself. I have found that it has continued to help me ever since and I've not been on any meds for 11 years now. I still work through stuff now when it rears up using the same method that helped me at the time.

The one thing I would say is that it can be a painful and uncomfortable experience . Raking up bits from the past and looking at them head on can be a bit of a set back but it's only once you go through it that you can move forward.

A lot of people simply can't cope with looking honestly at their own lives - it takes vast amounts of honesty and courage.

Often it is the 'nice' people who suffer from things like anxiety & depression. The sh*ts tend not and therapy generally won't help them anyhow due to them being such, well, sh*ts.

[DTMark]

A counsellor might be able to lead you to the answers, but those answers must come from within yourself, you have to 'find them' for yourself in order for them to make sense.

What was going on in your life when the doctor referred you some time ago?

What has stressed you since?

And what has created that same feeling in the past?

What is the pattern? There probably is one.

These are rhetorical questions as most people are not going to post their own life story publicly. If you want a confidential private ear feel free to send me a PM.

FWIW you've been on some great holidays in the last couple of years that I recall you posting about and those had potential to build great experiences and memories - you even mention one.

I have struggled with anxiety in the past - I am fairly highly strung - as I turned 40-ish recently a number of things began to make sense to me and they all relate to my childhood.

They explain why I respond in certain ways. Why I have certain expectations of myself and other people. Expectations that aren't necessarily reasonable. Recognising that latter part was probably the key for me.

FWIW I did see a counsellor for a couple of sessions. The two things that I recall that were helpful - I'm good at talking about other people, less about myself, and "you can't change other people".

Likewise you can plough through various books and take away a single phrase from each that means something to you.

I've always found self-hypnosis and trance state to be helpful as well as blissful.

My generic advice: find the pattern. The things which "press your buttons". Then you can choose to confront how you see things by understanding why they affect you in the way that they do, or alternatively, to consciously avoid those situations.