Deluded Old Scrapper Birds On Dating Sites

[MrPin]

Suppose yes. But then most blokes - the ones i know anyway - start with the default setting of 'all burds are mental'.

Yes indeed, and most blurks are amateur psychiatrists!

I've never met a bord loonier than me!

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Men seem to be more extreme than women (best and worst), in many ways their behaviour patterns are more easy to spot.

Exhibiting poor emotional stability is also more socially acceptable than going round acting, say violently, so a lot of people can get into this behavioural mode without having to pay so many social consequences. In addition, society also gives women benefit of the doubt on many more trivial? aspects of bad behaviour, blaming them on other things for example.

My experience is that women in general are more emotionally unstable than men, but their actions rarely result in violence for example and their behaviour although infuriating is relatively harmless, at least at a physical level. Of course emotionally they can be very damaging, but in some respects that's your fault for letting the guard down and the person in. After all if a mad axemen appeared in your doorway you wouldn't bring him in for a cup of tea.

Relationships are important, so it's worthwhile putting in some time and effort to understand the person you are getting involved with. Any intelligent person who does this is going to spot a nut job at 50 paces. If you don't think you can then its worthwhile getting a book on the subject or trawling a few advice websites. Like the 5 quid you spend on the poker book, it could be one of your best investments.

I think that the fact that people are staying single longer and have more chance to develop "anti-relationship" behavioural patterns is an important issue.

[winkie]

What, like spotting a stalker a mile away.

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

What, like spotting a stalker a mile away.

Spotting a stalker would be quite difficult as that sort of behaviour I guess would only manifest itself mainly after the relationship had ended. I think it would probably be easy to spot the general imbalances that might lead someone to behave like that though in advance of the behaviour actually occurring.

[ccc]

Yes indeed, and most blurks are amateur psychiatrists!

I've never met a bord loonier than me!

Holy ****** !!!

As for spotting any from 50 yards. Totally disagree. I am sure all serial killers do not show the same clear signs for everyone to know who they are.

I doubt a mental bloke or burd is any different.

[winkie]

Spotting a stalker would be quite difficult as that sort of behaviour I guess would only manifest itself mainly after the relationship had ended. I think it would probably be easy to spot the general imbalances that might lead someone to behave like that though in advance of the behaviour actually occurring.

Yes, I think it would......and I also think that there are some who would initially welcome that dysfunctional behaviour for personal value and self esteem reasons.

[ccc]

Spotting a stalker would be quite difficult as that sort of behaviour I guess would only manifest itself mainly after the relationship had ended. I think it would probably be easy to spot the general imbalances that might lead someone to behave like that though in advance of the behaviour actually occurring.

But most people are 'imbalanced' in one way or another.

I just doubt its easy to 'spot' a mental outside of the very obvious ones that are clear from day one.

We have all worked, gone out with or had friends who we only realised a lot later on were stark raving mental.

[OnionTerror]

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Holy ****** !!!

As for spotting any from 50 yards. Totally disagree. I am sure all serial killers do not show the same clear signs for everyone to know who they are.

I doubt a mental bloke or burd is any different.

Serial killers are probably not representative of your average person in the street. They probably have to be smart to cover up their crimes and so they can't be caught. There is a big difference between a serial killer and the 1 in 4 of the population that was quoted earlier. The ability of one of these guys to cover up their true personality is often extreme.

People find it difficult to hide themselves. Even if you try really hard you can't because you can't keep your guard up 100% of the time, sooner or later the natural behaviour comes through and if you are observant you will see it, and normally very quickly. And of course people will see you/me as well. I can't hide it any more than anyone else can.

it's like these people who are married to serial killers or serial bigamists (he had a whole other family and I never knew). Come on ! Of course they knew something was up, they just didn't want to face it and preferred to push it under the carpet.

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

But most people are 'imbalanced' in one way or another.

I just doubt its easy to 'spot' a mental outside of the very obvious ones that are clear from day one.

We have all worked, gone out with or had friends who we only realised a lot later on were stark raving mental.

Of course everyone is unstable to a degree. And what consists of an instability is of course subjective.

No, I figure out pretty quickly when people are "stark raving mental" and avoid them. To me it doesn't seem so hard to spot.

Of course this might be due to some sort of bias. Maybe I think really mental people aren't mental ? Or maybe I just bin everyone within a week

[The Masked Tulip]

Serial killers are probably not representative of your average person in the street. They probably have to be smart to cover up their crimes and so they can't be caught. There is a big difference between a serial killer and the 1 in 4 of the population that was quoted earlier. The ability of one of these guys to cover up their true personality is often extreme.

People find it difficult to hide themselves. Even if you try really hard you can't because you can't keep your guard up 100% of the time, sooner or later the natural behaviour comes through and if you are observant you will see it, and normally very quickly. And of course people will see you/me as well. I can't hide it any more than anyone else can.

it's like these people who are married to serial killers or serial bigamists (he had a whole other family and I never knew). Come on ! Of course they knew something was up, they just didn't want to face it and preferred to push it under the carpet.

Cluster B Personalities are very good at hiding their true natures. They can do this for years - often maintaining the pretence or false self until they know they have hooked their target.

[MrPin]

Cluster B Personalities are very good at hiding their true natures. They can do this for years - often maintaining the pretence or false self until they know they have hooked their target.

No they're not. I work with a few!

[Gigantic Purple Slug]

Cluster B Personalities are very good at hiding their true natures. They can do this for years - often maintaining the pretence or false self until they know they have hooked their target.

How many clusters are their and what % of people fall into each type ?

[The Masked Tulip]

No they're not. I work with a few!

Ah, I was talking about when in relationships.

[The Masked Tulip]

How many clusters are their and what % of people fall into each type ?

Let me google that for you

Just learn about the different types in the Cluster B spectrum should suffice.

[Norbert]

Saw a movie about it once. As a man you need "tests" to weed these girls out, deliberately setting off some of her triggers very early is the best I think, while you still have control, then you can just end it and she can`t do much about it.

Ha ha - Fatal Attraction? She wasn't going to try to kill me...I was just afraid of what sort of downward mental spiral she would initiate on herself.

[dances with sheeple]

Yes, I think it would......and I also think that there are some who would initially welcome that dysfunctional behaviour for personal value and self esteem reasons.

Most sheeple who suck up the "Star Mags" would wet themselves with excitement ( while pretending to complain about it) if they had a stalker. The narrative the Controllers want you to believe is that stalkers make you "Worth It" ( and able to sell shampoo to sheeple)

[dances with sheeple]

Ha ha - Fatal Attraction? She wasn't going to try to kill me...I was just afraid of what sort of downward mental spiral she would initiate on herself.

The rabbits were a bit like the canary in the coal mine, buy ten rabbits, and if they start to disappear, end the relationship....fast

[davidg]

hah hah sounds like my house

her "what's wrong, what is it, why are you so upset"

me "I've got a SIGSEGV in my code"

her "wtf?"

[anonguest]

Apologies for resurrecting this thread and bringing it back to the fore......after having visited/'used' this useful Off-Topic board for others topics I saw this and have just got round to reading vast sections of this thread (along with the wife) - and it has provided loads of entertainment.

In the spirit of internet altruism and returning some of the time others invested in replying to my other posts, I thought I would chip in with my tuppence worth.......

I have in fact written previously (on the main forum?) on this 'topic'. In particular much of my knowledge of internet dating, and all that goes with it, has in recent times come from a good friend at work who is a good sport - and often shares (seeking second opinions?) profiles he has come across and contemplates making a move on.

Just coincidentally to coming across this thread he shared with me a profile of a woman that, by far and away, seemed to be the 'worst' and most incompatible to date that I could think of. Recalling it I asked him if I could see it again. He emailed the main details just yesterday. I am sharing this here without his knowledge - but am not going to give profile identifiers or the name of the website.

This woman claims to be 36. I recall from the pictures that I thought she looked slightly older, but could be wrong.

I showed this to the wife, who also knows my friend and of his dating activities, and her reaction was that her jaw dropped. She also picked up on the fact that, unlike previous profiles we had seen, there is absolutely no mention of friends or family in this persons life. After reading articulated slightly more gracefully than my initial thoughts of "XRIST! No wonder this girl's single!".

So, without further ado I present a case study of how not(?) to sell yourself if you are seeking a partner:-

---------------------------------------------

About Me:

As Edwin Collins sang in that terrible song, 'you've never met a girl like me before'.

As a native Londoner, I am elegant, sophisticated and have a taste for the nicer things in life.

Feminine to the core, slim yet shapely, sassy and witty, with that all important glint in my eye and an excellent array of dresses. Sexy, with the perfect mix of demure and allure, (apparently), I'm also direct, unshockable and a romantic. However, somewhat strangely for a romantic, I don't believe in the concept of soulmates.

The things I could never live without:

In no particular order -

- White cotton vests, knickers and bed linen. (Please note none of my knickers are for sale. And no, I don't give them away either.

Yes, you've read that correctly, I've actually been forced to add this note.)

- Really good unsalted butter, preferably French, usually Lescure.

- An ice cold G&T and a big pile of ready-salted crisps. Failing that, a cup of delicious, nutritious hot water.

- A notebook/pen - I like making lists.

- Boris bike key.

- A pretty frock.

My favorite books, movies, TV shows, music and food:

LOVE Hitchcock and when I'm not watching his films, I'm reading books about him/his films.

I'm often to be found at the BFI watching old films and also marvelling at the architecture along the South Bank - I love Brutalism and Modernism (one day I will live in either in The Barbican or the Isokon building), and mid-century furniture too my most prized possession is a Swan chair. (Actually that's not entirely true, I love my Hitchcock The Birds Barbie just as much.)

Anyway, back to film. Far too many to list, heck, I can't even name my top five Hitchcock films. Other directors I particularly admire are: Billy Wilder, Powell & Pressberger, Mike Nichols, Terrence Malick (early films), Woody Allen, Michael Haneke, Werner Herzog, Nicolas Roeg, Joseph Losey, Wes Anderson, David Lynch, the Coen brothers, Christopher Nolan, John Hughes and so many more. Indeed, this is definitely a topic to be discussed in person.

The last film I watched at the cinema was Before Midnight.

Musically, I like a broad spectrum from Electronica, Indie, Alt-Country, Folk and loads of other (very good) stuff.

Top five favourite albums are presently: Gold Panda/Lucky Shiner, Wilco/Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Massive Attack/Mezzanine, David Bowie/Low and Pantha du Prince/Black Noise. (I love Slint, and am always really impressed when it's mentioned in a profile on here.) I'm also very excited that Bill Callahan is about to release a new album, which hopefully means he might play somewhere in London again.

Last two gigs I saw were Kraftwerk at the Tate (lucky me!) and Pantha du Prince/The Bell Laboratory at RFH.

Food is always on my mind, so naturally I like cooking, baking, shopping for food, reading cook books/food blogs and going out to eat. I'm also an avid carnivore, I think to make up for the 12 years when I didn't eat meat.

Having watched The Wire in its entirety in a little under two weeks, I've find it hard to watch scheduled tv these days. However, I always find time to watch Mad Men, Parks & Recreation, various docs, programmes about penguins and costume dramas. I also think Larry David is a god and Curb is far, far superior to Seinfeld.

As a Hitchcock fanatic, I've read pretty much every book ever written about him/his films but you'll be relieved to know I read other things too! So, Hitchcock aside, my reading habits are pretty broad - fictionwise leaning more to classics rather than contemporary. Non-fiction subjects include biographies, history of cinema, film (Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema by Laura Mulvey is a firm favourite), art, architecture, design and cookbooks! I also collect old Penguin and love rummaging round secondhand bookshops and markets so I can add to my collection. I'm currently reading The Last Picture Show by Larry McMurtry.

On Friday and Saturday nights I typically...:

Either sipping an ice cold G&T or slipping between freshly laundered white bed linen. (The ice cold G&T isn't being sipped from a pint glass, naturally.)

I'm looking for…:

While happy to be single and fiercely independent, I would commit to the right person, but I've got high standards. I'm also rather particular (I have a penchant for tall, elegant, pea-coat wearing men, although now Spring appears to have sprung, the coat wearing is less essential and am rather partial to a white/off white leather or canvas brogue/Oxford or a good ol' pair of (light coloured) Converse), but all this is pretty irrelevant if/once my interest is piqued. I guess it's fair to say I'm after that all important and all too rare spark, that palpable electric jolt.

I always know from the off when I'm not interested, so will confide that the men I've dated have either been my age or a little younger please note that a little younger constitutes a few years and not an entire decade, so if you're under 28, please, please, please don't waste your time or mine by sending me a message. Additionally, if you're older than the age range I've stipulated, it's incredibly unlikely I'm going to be interested in anything physical. Sorry.

Oh, I am into monogamy, so if you're into polyamory, you're definitely not for me. I am also not into the whole 'friends with benefits' concept.

It's also fair to say that if you describe yourself as cheeky or the word forms part of your user name on here, it's decidedly certain that we'll have absolutely nothing in common. And with this in mind, I'm incredibly intolerant of the following banter, cheers, partner in crime, connect with, connect, hun, lol, all text speak and emoticons, so if you litter your writing with any of these, you're most certainly not for me.

Lastly, I have no interest in rushing anyone up the aisle. And while I might be that worrying side of 35, my biological clock is not ticking. I strongly suspect it never will.

My ideal relationship:

Someone who lets me breathe, who allows me to be my own person and respects the fact I love my own space and time to myself.

You should definitely message me if you…:

You've actually read my profile.

You're older than 28.

You've taken the time to fill in your profile.

You're intelligent, articulate, sexy, manly, louche, witty, creative, well-dressed, an excellent speller/understand grammar and ever so slightly left field/pervy/kinky. If you have a beard, then all the better.

(I loathe over-pruned facial topiary and also the dreaded 'soul patch', so if this describes your facial hair, please don't bother to get in touch.)

So, with the basics out of the way, let's proceed:

You should message me if -

- You have the ability to send me an articulate and interesting message that actually demonstrates you've read my profile and not just looked at my pictures. And given how many words I use on my profile, there's a lot to talk to me about. Failing that, a witty one-liner will do nicely too.

(Please note, 'u r sexy' or 'wow, great pictures' does not count as an appropriate message, on any level. In fact, it will serve you incredibly well if you don't address me as gorgeous/babe/hun/etc. etc.)

- You'd strike up a conversation with me in real life. (Translation - you live in London, yes, actually live in London.. I'm not a tour guide and have no interest in men who are passing through/on holiday/here on business.)

- You think we might have actually have something in common. And no, I don't just mean that we share a few of the same interests.

- You want to recommend some music or we have similar tastes in music - am always looking for new people to come to gigs with me.

- You'd like to go out for drinks, tell me amusing stories and stare down my top. (Sadly, and despite a female boss stating (the obvious) that 'men like to see breasts', I almost never wear anything low cut. A shame. A huge shame.)

- You fancy a love affair as passionate as the one between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (Diamonds optional.)

- You have a good feeling about me.

[TheNoSnowMan]

She could of saved herself (and the reader) a lot of time if she'd just simply put 'narcissist'. Or maybe 'C**t'.

She's the type that, one day, will be sat in the corner of an old folks home, looking at the other residence being visited by family/friends, wondering why no one ever visits her.

[anonguest]

She could of saved herself (and the reader) a lot of time if she'd just simply put 'narcissist'. Or maybe 'C**t'.

She's the type that, one day, will be sat in the corner of an old folks home, looking at the other residence being visited by family/friends, wondering why no one ever visits her.

That, feeling slightly sorry for this person whoever she is, was also one of my thoughts.

In fact, I reckon that 'profile' could have been equally as well written slightly more concisely as below:-

About Me:

It's all about me, me and me.

The things I could never live without:

Me, me and me again.

My favorite books, movies, TV shows, music and food:

I like things that I like.

On Friday and Saturday nights I typically...:

Spend time with me!

I'm looking for…:

Some who likes me!

My ideal relationship:

Being with me!

You should definitely message me if you…

You have a good feeling about me.

[happy_renting]

That, feeling slightly sorry for this person whoever she is, was also one of my thoughts.

In fact, I reckon that 'profile' could have been equally as well written slightly more concisely as below:-

About Me:

It's all about me, me and me.

The things I could never live without:

Me, me and me again.

My favorite books, movies, TV shows, music and food:

I like things that I like.

On Friday and Saturday nights I typically...:

Spend time with me!

I'm looking for…:

Some who likes me!

My ideal relationship:

Being with me!

You should definitely message me if you…

You have a good feeling about me.

When people write profiles, they are, generally speaking, about themselves.

[gilf]

The art of a good profile is inclusion and not exclusion, this one is full of the later. Reading through I'm constantly being told not to email this person because I don't like some very obscure band she mentions or the fact I don't wear a pea coat.

[feed]

The art of a good profile is inclusion and not exclusion, this one is full of the later. Reading through I'm constantly being told not to email this person because I don't like some very obscure band she mentions or the fact I don't wear a pea coat.

If she’s an attractive mid 30s woman in London she’ll be getting 50-100 emails a day.

It’s meant to be about exclusion.