WorkingForTheMan Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'll keep it short girlfriend earns about half what I do, wants to move in with me (renting). I have no debts, plenty of disposable income. She has lots of debts, hardly any diposable income. Wants to pool our finances, so effectively i'm paying half her debts, and she gets half my disposable income. Is this acceptable, or am I just being, as she says, selfish?. 'thats what couples do' she says.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worzel Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 She sounds like a liability, can you get another one instead? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Now or never Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 She sounds like a liability, can you get another one instead? or buy one on a part time basis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Concrete Jungle Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 An ex of mine attempted a similar stunt. She thought I had no "debts" but I had recently made a very large purchase (for little old me) via credit card (intending to pay it off before the 0% deal expired.) I handed her a copy of my CC bill telling her in that case she would need to pay 50% of my "debts" off, funnily enough she never mentioned it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick It Down Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Don't be so ****ing stupid. How did you find HPC with nous like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissy_fit Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'll keep it short girlfriend earns about half what I do, wants to move in with me (renting). I have no debts, plenty of disposable income. She has lots of debts, hardly any diposable income. Wants to pool our finances, so effectively i'm paying half her debts, and she gets half my disposable income. Is this acceptable, or am I just being, as she says, selfish?. 'thats what couples do' she says.. She's right, that's what couples do. However that's no reason for you to do it. You won't listen - come and tell us about it in a year or so...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'll keep it short girlfriend earns about half what I do, wants to move in with me (renting). I have no debts, plenty of disposable income. She has lots of debts, hardly any diposable income. Wants to pool our finances, so effectively i'm paying half her debts, and she gets half my disposable income. Is this acceptable, or am I just being, as she says, selfish?. 'thats what couples do' she says.. Are you a man, a mouse, or a mug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woot Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'll keep it short girlfriend earns about half what I do, wants to move in with me (renting). I have no debts, plenty of disposable income. She has lots of debts, hardly any diposable income. Wants to pool our finances, so effectively i'm paying half her debts, and she gets half my disposable income. Is this acceptable, or am I just being, as she says, selfish?. 'thats what couples do' she says.. Just say NO! (and I'm a woman so no bias there). You are both mature, responsible adults however if she is not good at managing her finances you will be compromising your own position and credit rating if you become embroiled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pauly_Boy Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Don't be a fool. Plenty of married people don't even have proper joint finances! By all means 'help her out' a bit, but don't take any responsibility for her debt and keep your accounts very seperate from hers, infact don't even let her know what bank accounts you have. Never trust a woman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PontiusPig Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Get a co-habitation agreement Squirrel 25% of your takehome into a secret account Dont get married...........ever and remember hot hot pussy now turns into fat undesirable pussy in about 5-15 years (Half that if you get married sooner) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cogs Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Is this for real? I think this "joint account when you move in" business is for people who met up very early in life and/or haven't run up big debts. It may be what couples do but it isn't what people in your situation do if you see what I mean. Perhaps some arrangement could be arrived at if its a car loan and you'd have use of the car for example, but if the money just went on holidays, drinks and shoes, I'd say no way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mish Mash Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Wants to pool our finances I'll bet she does. If what you should do isn't already clear, there's no hope for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woot Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 She's right, that's what couples do. However that's no reason for you to do it. You won't listen - come and tell us about it in a year or so...... Actually I'm not sure that is a universal truth... I know a number of couples, some married and some not, who keep their finances separate for a number of reasons. In some cases they may have a joint account for paying bills but that isn't the account salaries go into. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cogs Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Actually I'm not sure that is a universal truth... I know a number of couples, some married and some not, who keep their finances separate for a number of reasons. In some cases they may have a joint account for paying bills but that isn't the account salaries go into. So moving on, what is the defence when she claims that not pooling finances shows a lack of "acting like a partnership" and a general lack of commitment. I'm aware there is an emotional (supposedly completely separate from a more mercenary "gimme the money" approach but functionally the same) blackmail argument that can be used...damned if I can see a way round it though. Y chromosome, everything shuts down when "feelings" start being mentioned, even vicariously and in abstract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woot Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 So moving on, what is the defence when she claims that not pooling finances shows a lack of "acting like a partnership" and a general lack of commitment. I'm aware there is an emotional (supposedly completely separate from a more mercenary "gimme the money" approach but functionally the same) blackmail argument that can be used. Agreed - I suspect that's the time for the OP to cut and run because his GF's true agenda will be clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gigantic Purple Slug Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 A bit light on the info here. For example, did she incur the debts taking a law degree at Cambridge, or did she p*ss the money up the wall on clothes, booze and fags ? Is her salary enough for her to have a reasonable life ? For example if she's on 50K and you're on 100K there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to take care of herself, and trying to get more dosh from you is taking the p*ss. But if she's on 10K and your on 20K then its a bit different. Also the debt to salary ratio is important. Don't get like one couple I know. Of of them earns much more than the other but they insist on paying for their own stuff - result one stuggles to get by and the other can't do the things they want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Habeas Domus Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 figure out what she is paying in interest each month Get a savings account (which she doesnt get access to) and setup a regular saving every month for the same amount Then split up whatever is left its fair after all you probably dont get access to whatever she already spent the cash on and the money going into your savings pot = money going into her debt pot The problem of course is that in a year or two, you will have somehow or other acquired a lot more debt, once a spender and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorkingForTheMan Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 figure out what she is paying in interest each monthGet a savings account (which she doesnt get access to) and setup a regular saving every month for the same amount Then split up whatever is left its fair after all you probably dont get access to whatever she already spent the cash on and the money going into your savings pot = money going into her debt pot This is exactly what I want to do/told her what i want to do, which sounds more than reasonable to me. But that shows lack of commitment (etc), and im selfish and none of her friends boyfriends would do that.. She earns not much more than minimum wage, and she has nothing (of worth) to show for her debt - just general living expense of trying to lead a normal life on minimum wage. There are going to be tears, as I'm not going to back down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest anorthosite Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Are you a man, a mouse, or a mug. Given the name of the thread suggests he's labeling all women like this, I'll go with "repressed homosexual". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachman Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 she must be tight ..... and you must be stupid. She's not daft, you want what's in her pants and she knows you'll pay for it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitchbux Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 Actually I'm not sure that is a universal truth... I know a number of couples, some married and some not, who keep their finances separate for a number of reasons. In some cases they may have a joint account for paying bills but that isn't the account salaries go into. Mr MB and I have been married 12 years and we don't have ANY joint accounts (unless you count the mortgage). Even though I am currently his Domestic Manager the situation has stayed the same, he just transfers 'housekeeping' to me every month. Each knows what has come out of their accounts, and what is really left over, no arguments about plummeting balances at this house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
libspero Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 There are going to be tears, as I'm not going to back down! I'm more concerned that it's you who'll end up in tears matey. I'm not going to say anything else except good luck, sincerely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AteMoose Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 In a word No! It will take years to re-educate her, you need to be VERY VERY firm, refuse to pay for anthing, say you are saving up for something big and say BEFORE you consider having a joint income you expect her to pay 50/50 in everything you do together. If she cant afford it tell her she needs to better herself and get a better paid job, make sure all your spare money goes into savings not buying stuff for her. Debt for no reason is weakness. If she can change she will change very slowly over years and become more and more responsible, but it will take along time. Me and my missus are married but we still have joint accounts. She now saves a bit every month for bigger goals. IMHO personally If I was in your position i would be questioning if being with her was worth the hastle, it sounds like you can do alot better. If anything She is lucky to be with you, not the other way round, dont let her nag you over financial matters when your so much better than her. However if you start taking a firm line from your description it sounds like she would rebel and get nasty and throw a paddy... Having a shared finances means things are shared 50/50, a good relationship is based on both parties putting in equal amounts and taking the same amount (of care, effort, love, and money (on the taking side)). If one person puts more in and another takes more out in any area this isnt shared it is unbalanced. When something is unbalanced one person is the vampire, the other is dinner. Who is for dinner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the coming storm Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 I'll keep it short girlfriend earns about half what I do, wants to move in with me (renting). I have no debts, plenty of disposable income. She has lots of debts, hardly any diposable income. Wants to pool our finances, so effectively i'm paying half her debts, and she gets half my disposable income. Is this acceptable, or am I just being, as she says, selfish?. 'thats what couples do' she says.. Depends on how long you have been going out, and how you feel if you can see you two getting married, and staying together for the long term, You could possibly pool a portion of your wages together into a joint account for living expenses and entertaimment , however I would say that fully shared accounts are something you do when your married, its not something couples do. When you have bought a house with kids, not when your just going out. I would say to her However - I would completly totally draw the line at paying her debts off - you can't just go and get yourself in debt and expect someone else to pay the bill - well except if your a banker. Its hard to say, I am still trying to figure out the female sex, but lets be honest if things were the other way about, how many women would have shared account with a boyfriend earning less, and in lots of debt - a man doing this would be called a scumbag. You have got to be hard nosed with females - think about it would you let one of your own family members or closest friends move in with you lots of debt, and earning less? and then you are expected to pay half their debts. Then why should you do it with someone you may have only known for a few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markyh Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 she must be tight ..... and you must be stupid. She's not daft, you want what's in her pants and she knows you'll pay for it.... My thoughts exactly. I have always earned more than my live in girlfriends and have always bailed out live in girlfriends including the one who is now my wife and mother of my child. But I have never had a joint account where wages go in other than a "house account" when you both have a DD going in from your wages account every month and you use it to pay all the shared houshold bills and maybe food etc. If you think about it maybe we should link this to the "women are prostitutes" thread. I reakon I have bailed out my three serious relationships, the ones I loved and lived with to about £30k in the last 20 years, and i'm only 41! Actually if you include the £15k I had to hand over to my first main ex in 99 to buy her out of our joint 2 bed mortgage, which she could have never have bought without me, but I could have easily bought without her, then it is closer to £50k I have bailed out on women. Prossies would be cheaper, but Then I do like the "love" bit while it lasts!! M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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