‘We could soon see a Jane Austen-style marriage market’: how the housing crisis is turning modern dating on its head

[debtlessmanc]

Apparently people are only dating people with houses. Must admit quite a lot of young people (eg my daughter!) have told me recently that they only way they could ever hope to rent, never mind buy, is to date someone better off

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/22/is-housing-crisis-killing-romance-modern-dating-jane-austen

Edited July 22, 2023 by debtlessmanc

[anonguest]

6 minutes ago, debtlessmanc said:

Apparently people are only dating people with houses. Must admit quite a lot of young people (eg my daughter!) have told me recently that they only way they could ever hope to rent, never mind buy, is to date someone better off

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/22/is-housing-crisis-killing-romance-modern-dating-jane-austen

Well, we've had the reports of 'sex for rent' so, given the insane costs of housing, I'm frankly surprised it's taken so long for 'marriage for housing' reports to appear. 😞

[winkie]

Been going on for years in some parts of the world, cultures where arranged marriages are the norm......mainly arranged by family for availability of money or potential money, not quality of character.....what is more important in a marriage/partnership?

[canbuywontbuy]

Renter marries home owner. Renter divorces home owner.  Renter keeps house.  It's almost like some creepy nature documentary with David Attenborough narrating.

[Sprite]

I think housing is one of the reasons we have massively declining birthrate. Generally people don't want to start a family in rental accommodation which is not stable.

Not surprised that financial stability and housing will become key factors in future relationships, to an extent it's always been like this but now it's going to be much more in focus.

[shlomo]

54 minutes ago, winkie said:

Been going on for years in some parts of the world, cultures where arranged marriages are the norm......mainly arranged by family for availability of money or potential money, not quality of character.....what is more important in a marriage/partnership?

Money is very important, I went on holiday to Romania about 3/4 years ago with one of the people I worked with what struck me was the number of divorced people,I was told when communism collapsed the economy crashed and the divorce rate went through the roof

[winkie]

7 minutes ago, shlomo said:

Money is very important, I went on holiday to Romania about 3/4 years ago with one of the people I worked with what struck me was the number of divorced people,I was told when communism collapsed the economy crashed and the divorce rate went through the roof

Really, so when money runs out the door, love flies out the window?.....

[Maghull Mike]

WE need some sort of "House-dating-app"

Got a 4 bedroom in nice area........here what's on offer

Mike

[Nomadd]

Every pretty girl I've ever known has always told me: we marry for money, then we divorce for love.

I've never forgotten that.

[A.steve]

I don't think the Jane Austen market ever went away after C19.  I vividly remember, in 1990, reading a copy of Debrets from around 1910.  I found the picture it painted extraordinary - it was a practical manual to play just such a market.  I'm aware that Debrets continued to publish guides.  In a more recent one, I understand there's information about what to do if you're invited on a trip in a private jet - specific guidance for appropriate hand luggage - etc.

Outside the upper-echelons of feudal aristocracy... I'm not sure the same approach is relevant.  It makes sense to select for solvency and affluence - but home ownership (alone) is a very poor proxy for such considerations.  My perception is that, for the plebeian 99%, once someone has fully acquired a house they can accept as their home... there is a greatly reduced chance that they will even look for a life partner - let alone find one.

[shlomo]

2 hours ago, winkie said:

Really, so when money runs out the door, love flies out the window?.....

Yes, we are a mercenary specie

‘No money no honey’

[TenYearToGetMyMoneyBack]

About time too. I have mentioned before my admiration of the Singapore Governments attempts to match up intelligent people.

It is about time they started pointing out in schools that (girls especially) can't marry the class clown then expect to do well in life (maybe they can if his name is Russell Brand, but you get my idea). Working in engineering where 90% of the workforce is male I know lots of men who are well paid and have their own houses but have basically given up on having relationship because they come in the category of "Nerds" and didn't look like George Michael when younger. I actually came very close to falling into that trap myself but luckily I suspect women become less fussy as they get older.

[jiltedjen]

Certain parts of the country ‘good job’ is enough to turn a man from a 4 into an 8 

its always been that way.

similarly for blokes you shouldn’t just go for looks but a good soul, as the soul lasts the looks don’t - I was pretty lucky to get both in a partner. 

when I looked for my partner I didn’t care about their job or how much savings they had, I looked for a good soul and their work ethic. 

They probably looked for security, and someone who could navigate the modern world.

i know couples where both have good jobs, but both always broke. 

you want a partner who can struggle and save with you and pull together as a single unit. 
 

don’t get me wrong dating is a nightmare, as like it or not in most couples one person takes the reigns, and you hope that person is steering for the greater good of both halves. 

I know blokes who sole purpose is to be the provider, never to have anything for themselves, and their partner sit at home and do nothing, and the bloke must go into debt for holidays demanded, and get a bigger more showy house, as demanded.

or you get a healthy balance where both sides know what they bring to the table and don’t get out of place, meaning there is a balance, for example if the bloke pays 3/4 of all the bills don’t expect him to do all the housework to take the load of them. mostly common sense.

 

[jiltedjen]

Also interestingly there is a clear correlation to dating peaks. Which anyone can test if they feel like.

set an area say 10 miles on a dating app.

then search for number of men of each age. And search for number of women of each age.

you can see the number of women climb quickly to peak at 24, then drops off dramatically. And the number of men is high all the way up to 27.5 then drops off dramatically.

which makes sense if you think of womens body clocks. Average couple when they first meet is one who is made up of a woman who’s 24 and a guy at 27.5. 

So if your a bloke dating will be hard until you approach your peak at 27.5 at which point you have your pick of women 23,24,25,26,27

so that’s when you can pick a good woman. 
 

most idiot men find they don’t realise this. And feel very beat down by the time they are say 25 and end up picking a ‘past it’ women who’s say 28-32, just happy they had someone show interest. 

the men who realise they can take their pick once they themselves reach 27-28 years old find the good women. The idiot men who partner up with the first women interested get women predictors who will use them as cash machines and slaves.

the power dynamic changes very quickly with womens age.

and the same goes from the point of view from the womens side. the idiot women who find themselves closing in on 30, who still think they are of the same ‘value’ as they did at 24 are doomed not to meet anymore until they get real.

blokes chances diminish massively over 28 year old unless they also drift their ‘prime women’ area. 

if you miss your respective peak your quickly left picking up a terrible partner.

it all graphs quite nicely. 
 

as with most things in life. Analyse the situation, and you do well.

go in blindly you end up the mug living in your overdraft, 2 kids, mortgage to 68, trapped in a stressful job (and your boss knows it).

and Although I have typed this from a blokes perspective, it can be applied to women also.

if your a women you need to get yourself out there and find a good man before he’s taken, and don’t think you have endless ‘fun years’ as you always had men chasing you, eventually they dry up rapidly.

there are higher value men as well as higher value women.

we are just animals looking for a good mate. 
 

I have known people to get upset at the above analysis, as they realise they fit the criterial of idiot man!  

Edited July 22, 2023 by jiltedjen

[TenYearToGetMyMoneyBack]

10 minutes ago, jiltedjen said:

Certain parts of the country ‘good job’ is enough to turn a man from a 4 into an 8 

Interesting to hear another perspective.

My least favourite song about love is Fairground Attraction "Perfect". I imagine women standing there with clipboards saying 99.7% ONLY 99.7%!!  I'm not accepting that.

Contrast that with Meatloaf's "Two out the Three ain't bad". 

[winkie]

10 minutes ago, jiltedjen said:

Also interestingly there is a clear correlation to dating peaks. Which anyone can test if they feel like.

set an area say 10 miles on a dating app.

then search for number of men of each age. And search for number of women of each age.

you can see the number of women climb quickly to peak at 24, then drops off dramatically. And the number of men is high all the way up to 27.5 then drops off dramatically.

which makes sense if you think of womens body clocks.

So if your a bloke dating will be hard h til you approach your peak at 27.5 at which point you have your pick of women 23,24,25,26,27

so that’s when you can pick a good woman. 
 

most idiot men find they don’t realise this. And feel very beat down by the time they are say 25 and end up picking a ‘past it’ women who’s say 28-32 

the men who realise they can choose at 27-28 years old find the good women. The idiot men get predictors who will use them as cash machines and slaves.

the power dynamic changes very quickly with womens age.

and the same goes from the point of view from the womens side. the idiot women who find themselves closing in on 30, who still think they are of the same ‘value’ as they did at 24 are doomed not to meet anymore until they get real.

blokes chances diminish massively over 28 year old.

if you miss your respective peak your quickly left picking up a terrible partner.

it all graphs quite nicely. 
 

as with most things in life. Analyse the situation, and you do well.

go in blindly you end up the mug living in your overdraft, 2 kids, mortgage to 68, trapped in a stressful job (and your boss knows it).

 

Is this your life story.....try as I might can't relate to any of that.....sorry.

[A.steve]

 

[Sackboii]

 

[jiltedjen]

Some people get angry when I explain that theory.

as they realise they fit either of the following two catergories

1. idiot men who got a low value woman as they went out with the first woman who showed interest, and now have s**t lives. Who don’t realise they have been groomed to be slave.

2. Past it women who don’t like to comprehend they are no longer as desirable and they missed out on the best men as they were too picky.

Just to add. It’s like a bell curve peak, so that bell curve is built up of many ages.

so womens bell curve peak - 24

mens bell curve peak - 27.5

but of course 23yo woman and a 29yo man is almost as likely as a 25yo women and 26yo man. But not as likely as 24yo women and a 27.5yo man

and there is nothing more romantic than excel. 

Edited July 22, 2023 by jiltedjen

[Si1]

Hipergamy init. I suppose it depends if you think it's genetic or cultural. I remember at school a few boys who got cars off their parents at 17 got all the pussy. I'm not sure that's anything new tho.

[Si1]

10 minutes ago, TenYearToGetMyMoneyBack said:

Interesting to hear another perspective.

My least favourite song about love is Fairground Attraction "Perfect". I imagine women standing there with clipboards saying 99.7% ONLY 99.7%!!  I'm not accepting that.

Women with perfectionist requirements in a relationship have, from my imperfect observations, sh#t marriages that either remain sh#t forever, or divorce. Relationships are hard work. But blokes can be perfectionist too and it's daft. 

10 minutes ago, TenYearToGetMyMoneyBack said:

Contrast that with Meatloaf's "Two out the Three ain't bad". 

 

[TenYearToGetMyMoneyBack]

12 minutes ago, jiltedjen said:

Also interestingly there is a clear correlation to dating peaks. Which anyone can test if they feel like.

set an area say 10 miles on a dating app.

then search for number of men of each age. And search for number of women of each age.

you can see the number of women climb quickly to peak at 24, then drops off dramatically. And the number of men is high all the way up to 27.5 then drops off dramatically.

which makes sense if you think of womens body clocks. Average couple is one who is made up of a woman who’s 24 and a guy at 27.5. 

So if your a bloke dating will be hard until you approach your peak at 27.5 at which point you have your pick of women 23,24,25,26,27

so that’s when you can pick a good woman. 
 

most idiot men find they don’t realise this. And feel very beat down by the time they are say 25 and end up picking a ‘past it’ women who’s say 28-32 

the men who realise they can take their pick once they themselves reach 27-28 years old find the good women. The idiot men who partner up with the first women interested get women predictors who will use them as cash machines and slaves.

the power dynamic changes very quickly with womens age.

and the same goes from the point of view from the womens side. the idiot women who find themselves closing in on 30, who still think they are of the same ‘value’ as they did at 24 are doomed not to meet anymore until they get real.

blokes chances diminish massively over 28 year old unless they also drift their ‘prime women’ area. 

if you miss your respective peak your quickly left picking up a terrible partner.

it all graphs quite nicely. 
 

as with most things in life. Analyse the situation, and you do well.

go in blindly you end up the mug living in your overdraft, 2 kids, mortgage to 68, trapped in a stressful job (and your boss knows it).

and Although I have typed this from a blokes perspective, it can be applied to women also.

if your a women you need to get yourself out there and find a good man before he’s taken, and don’t think you have endless ‘fun years’ as you always had men chasing you, eventually they dry up rapidly.

there are higher value men as well as higher value women.

we are just animals looking for a good mate. 

That was a very comprehensive reply. I guess I must be an outlier as I have have gone:

• 7 years younger - Very insecure about her own desirability
• 6 years older - Made me feel like a Toy Boy especially when her house kept going up faster than I could save (£100K in ten years)
• 12 years younger (although I was almost 50 when I met her).

In my youth I read a really good book about dating "Do you come here often". I can summarise it though as "You get what you expect". Starting a chat up scared and expecting rejection almost guarantees that is what will happen. 

[Si1]

7 minutes ago, jiltedjen said:

Some people get angry when I explain that theory.

as they realise they fit either of the following two catergories

1. idiot men who got a low value woman as they went out with the first woman who showed interest, and now have s**t lives. Who don’t realise they have been groomed to be slave.

Maybe not a low value woman but could have just chosen the wrong woman. 

7 minutes ago, jiltedjen said:

 

 

[winkie]

 

[jiltedjen]

I applied my logic to dating.

and always get remarks on how I’m ‘punching’ with my now wife.

I waited until I could pick the best. put myself in best position. 

And I hold the power in the relationship but I’m not evil. We pull together for the greater good. we have no debt. Now I’m mid 30’s mortgage free, she’s barely in her 30’s and we have time for children and a good life together, I earn a lot more and do nothing around the house, but most of my wage went into the mortgage which makes it fair. Together strong. 

Edited July 22, 2023 by jiltedjen