Muffy Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 At school in a class discussion on bloodsports one boy, who had never piped up in class before, said that clay pigeon shooting was the cruellest bloodsport. Intrigued, the teacher asked him why - he said it was terrible the way they coated those poor pigeons in clay and fired them into the air to be shot. We laughed for weeks! My partner once went to a local wildlife park and asked if they had an Australian dago - he meant dingo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 One of the locals takeaways has a section of the menu entitled "Most common dishes". That seems reasonable to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
24gray24 Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Conversation in a pub yesterday, with a FTB. After telling him point blank he was mad (he was a complete stranger), and going through the 3x average salary, bank credit problems , 40% reductions expected by banks, average prices and wages arguments, his mate said "I don't think prices will go down by more than 10% from here" The poor fool was buying a slave box for £178k in Peckham (one of the most dangerous areas in London...I live in Brixton, and I wouldn't live there). He justified this by saying: "the average doesn't matter, because maybe people in London aren't average. They've got mummy and daddy buying them places, so the average is always going to be higher". Also he said: "I've got 20% off (peak prices), and I earn more than average salary, so I'm showing that I'm risk averse buying this property" God then sent a tremendous cold shower of rain, which ended the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CokeSnortingTory Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I was walking past two hijab-wearing muslim girls the other day, and I heard one of them turn to the other and say: "Wassa mattah wiv you? Are you a lesbian? Are you a 'bo-f**king pervo?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Fool & His Borrowed Money Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Once helped a single mum in a car stuck in the mud said "I'll give yer a shove from behind" She just smiled a devilish grin.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juvenal Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 When my kids were small we heard a lot about their class singing 'I am the Lord of the Dark Settee..' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imminent_plunge Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 What, pacifically, is your point? At that point you make a reference to the 'Specific Ocean'. The blank looks are highly entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hev Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Good one today, 'Oh her, she's a lap top dancer!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin Allegro Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 On MSE a few times I've seen recipes for 'Corn Beef Ash'. I'm assuming that's a mistake by people who can't pronounce their aitches, rather than an extremely frugal ingredient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si1 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Supermarket check-out girl shouting loudly across to her supervisors, as pronounced: "can I have a price check on this b*stard chicken" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si1 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 When my kids were small we heard a lot about their class singing 'I am the Lord of the Dark Settee..' must have been darn sarf that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 mates G/F always says in the pub "do you want a pint of Larger?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leicestersq Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 At a football match, the away team scored, much to my disappointment. The goal scorer then went up to some of the home fans, and did a dance and made some gestures to the fans there. "Look at him", said someone in front of me, "He's enticing the crowd". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 At a football match, the away team scored, much to my disappointment.The goal scorer then went up to some of the home fans, and did a dance and made some gestures to the fans there. "Look at him", said someone in front of me, "He's enticing the crowd". Back in the mid 90's I took my girlfriend to a football match between Oxford and Barnet. A lovely gentleman to my right came out with a line I'll never forget following a lovely pass from the Barnet midfielder. "Number 7, your wife, up the XXXX" My girlfriend, less than impressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DisposableHeroes Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Best one I heard was were an estate community thought they had a paedophile in the area. Quite a large misunderstanding, turned out she was a pediatrician. http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/08310...083100129.shtml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reck B Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 When my kids were small we heard a lot about their class singing 'I am the Lord of the Dark Settee..' At primary school, I was once sent to the junior class for the day for singing 'I am the lord of the dung-heap' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_duke_of_hazzard Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 My brother, drunk in a bar in Chicago got some worried looks when he said:"I'm pissed. I'm going for a slash" Try smoking fags. Or saying you're in the toilet. They think you're literally drowning in the bowl. While we're on the subject, why do they call it the "bathroom". There's no freakin bath in there! They call us uptight, and yet they can't bring themselves to mention the principal object in the room we all need to visit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_duke_of_hazzard Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Pub quiz in east London: In answer to number 6, "who wrote Wuthering Heights"? Bront. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 When my kids were small we heard a lot about their class singing 'I am the Lord of the Dark Settee..' I remember asking my mother what a 'Dance Settee' was. Senile great aunt used to ask my uncle to go get her "some of that nice italian bread from the 'Delicate Lesson'". Its mixed metaphors that really make my cack hang though. People trying to sound smart but ending up sounding like twats. "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it" "He's a bit green behind the ears" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.