Jump to content
House Price Crash Forum

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Vested Disinterest

Classic Lines Overheard While Out And About

Recommended Posts

Here's one I heard a recent sunny weekend walking past some people - not verbatim, but I hope you get the drift.

"You know we don't need a placebo, there are always shady trees we can sit under."

The other person just nodded in agreement, while I nearly weed myself.

Any more?

[edit: added post icon]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A woman handling a fox fur at a retro clothing market stall. Her friend said 'That's not real fur. It's stimulated...'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I heard a stunning blonde say "God I feel so ******ing shit" the other day. I wonder if it was STDs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A woman handling a fox fur at a retro clothing market stall. Her friend said 'That's not real fur. It's stimulated...'

I was in a very up market pub restaurant with my blond girlfriend (of the time), I ordered a steak and she ordered a peasant!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I heard a stunning blonde say "God I feel so ******ing shit" the other day. I wonder if it was STDs.

I've gone through my dictionary of six letter expletives and came up blank... Did you censor that or did HPC?

(Blimey, you have to type carefully on this thread to avoid being a hypocrite!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I was once in a shop in Manchester and a woman asked the staff if the nice smell was "one of those incest sticks"

Were they imported from Austria?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to have a menu from a Spanish camping site which stated 'Roasted chickens may be had for consummation in your caravan...'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I used to have a menu from a Spanish camping site which stated 'Roasted chickens may be had for consummation in your caravan...'

That camp site sounds fowl.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An example of when someone tries to write something that they have only ever heard, but not read: (actually this was on MSE)

"I suffer from low self of steam"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Skinty

I went into a hair dressers and asked for a "wet cut and blow". Her curious yet stern glance made me realise that I had forgotten the word "dry".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was sat in a American diner near some other Brits.

The Brit woman asked for some Orange juice, the waitress asked if she wanted a pitcher. The Brit woman replied "no thank you, I know what it looks like"

Both me and her husband were pissing ourselves laughing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I was sat in a American diner near some other Brits.

The Brit woman asked for some Orange juice, the waitress asked if she wanted a pitcher. The Brit woman replied "no thank you, I know what it looks like"

Both me and her husband were pissing ourselves laughing.

At Anfield (Watching my team get stuffed) Half time: Scouser in front says to his son "I think you will see a complete change of tactics in the second half" Son:"You think so dad?" Dad: "Yes,they will kick in the other direction".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was talking to a woman who was sun bathing beside us at the beach last week, and I mentioned how refreshing it was swimming in the sea.

I asked her if she had been for a swim that day, "I'm afraid not", she said, "I can only swim doggy style"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Travelling on the tube a few years back with an African Christian Preacher going through the verses, one of the passengers cried

"Blessed are the Big noses". This started off a whole chorus of "I'm Brian"'s etc etc

The African guy looked utterly bemused

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate these bastardizations of language, and I hate it when people use them so confidently to try to sound intelligent.

I especially hate mixed metaphors - they provide such a nice giggle for anyone educated enough to know what they wanted to say, but it still grates nonetheless.

"All roads to Rome weren't built in a day"

EH?

"Hoisted on a rod for your own back"

YOU WHAT?

"In the sea of life there are many crossroads"

NON COMPRENDEZ, CABLONE!

Oh, yes "Don't cry over split hairs"

GAAAAAAAAH! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest theboltonfury

I once heard a man in my old office say, in all seriousness, 'well butter me on both sides and stick me in a Breville'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Skinty
I was sat in a American diner near some other Brits.

The Brit woman asked for some Orange juice, the waitress asked if she wanted a pitcher. The Brit woman replied "no thank you, I know what it looks like"

Ah yes, the Brit in America. Always a source of comedy.

My brother, drunk in a bar in Chicago got some worried looks when he said:

"I'm pissed. I'm going for a slash"

A friend of my mother's after being trapped in a lift with her husband told her rescuers:

"We were banging on the door for ages to get your attention"

Also told of a young girl about the age of 7 bringing down the full wrath of the teacher when she called someone a twit. To her it was like calling someone a muppet or a twit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ah yes, the Brit in America. Always a source of comedy.

My brother, drunk in a bar in Chicago got some worried looks when he said:

"I'm pissed. I'm going for a slash"

A friend of my mother's after being trapped in a lift with her husband told her rescuers:

"We were banging on the door for ages to get your attention"

Also told of a young girl about the age of 7 bringing down the full wrath of the teacher when she called someone a twit. To her it was like calling someone a muppet or a twit.

The Brit in France is good too. A lady gave me a good chuckle when she pointed in Gallic fashion at something in a shop display and asked "Une... of those please". :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Here's one I heard a recent sunny weekend walking past some people - not verbatim, but I hope you get the drift.

The other person just nodded in agreement, while I nearly weed myself.

Any more?

[edit: added post icon]

What, pacifically, is your point?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • The Prime Minister stated that there were three Brexit options available to the UK:   295 members have voted

    1. 1. Which of the Prime Minister's options would you choose?


      • Leave with the negotiated deal
      • Remain
      • Leave with no deal

    Please sign in or register to vote in this poll. View topic


×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.