Internet Dating

[WorkingForTheMan]

I've been internet dating for about 4 years now. In the beginning, it was great. Send messages, talk online, meet up, 9 times out of ten got a (maybe short) relationship out of it

Now however..I reckon 90% of the women on the sites are one or more of:

Boring

Ugly

Fat

Stupid

Not able to communicate effectively

Not actually wanting to meet up with anyone

That leaves 10%. Of these 10% (ie, the interesting, witty, funny, adventurous, semi-attractive, non-insane women), only 1 in 10 will respond to my messages. Of those that do, actually getting someone to meet up is somewhat of a challenge. I try to be interesting, funny, witty, assure them I'm not a serial killer etc. Nevertheless, I spend about 2-3 hours a week, and am, at present getting maybe one date every 2 or 3 months. Not good enough.

So what do I do? I have issues with approaching strangers. On a one to one situation I'm fine, providing I already know that person (even from chatting online). But I just can't talk to complete strangers, so meeting people at the bus stop or in the supermarket has never happened for me

At my age (early 30's) my social circle has dwindled to a few close friends (who are all settled/moved away), so i don't get out much. I work with old/married people.

I think I've got a lot to offer someone. Im decent, quite attractive, funny, and generally, believe I'm a good catch. I want to settle down, have kids etc. Not after one night stands or to 'play' anyone. I'm also no pushover either.

Any suggestions? Or anyone fancy a date?

Non-serious suggestions are welcome too, just for the laugh..

Sorry for length..

[ken_ichikawa]

forget about it the odds are way stacked against you , go out and do it the old fashioned way.

change if you can't get some

this maybe of relevance

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

[WorkingForTheMan]

Heheh. Thanks. I've seen that before. And believe me I'm no 'nice guy' (I used to be, realised the error of my ways!). Women seem to love me when they meet me and get to know me..its just meeting them! I suppose I really need to get over my anxiety about talking to strangers..Just dunno how. Tried reading books etc but I just think 'Nah, couldnt possibly do that!'

[ken_ichikawa]

Heheh. Thanks. I've seen that before. And believe me I'm no 'nice guy' (I used to be, realised the error of my ways!). Women seem to love me when they meet me and get to know me..its just meeting them! I suppose I really need to get over my anxiety about talking to strangers..Just dunno how. Tried reading books etc but I just think 'Nah, couldnt possibly do that!'

Live and die by my rules?.

I too used to be hyper sensitive about appearing a fool, until one day I realized that nobody gives a shit about anybody but themselves. For 100% of the rest of humanity you might as well be invisible, because 5 seconds after you've exited their immediate field of vision, you're going to be forgotten forever.

Assume that other people attach the same importance to you, that you attach to them - none.

Hence if you embarrase yourself who cares, though this is why you do not date where you work or in your close friend circle.....

you may cringe at embarrassment about things you do but it is likely only you who remembers these cringe worth events.

[The Masked Tulip]

There have been a number of papers written about how dating sites are great hunting grounds for the narcissist, the borderline and other sociopaths.

IMPO dating sites are yesterday and people have moved on to elsewhere.

IMPO dating sites are usually, as far as women are concerned, mainly used by women who are divorced and who have children - hence they are unable to meet people in other places of an evening because their social interaction is limited by their children and having to look after them.

IMPO dating sites have more than their fair share of

nutjobs

career women

career women who havve got to late thirties/late forties and are panicing

career women who havve got to late thirties/late forties and are panicing, but now want a child

career women who tell me how dominant they are in their careers but who wish to have a man to control, tame and spank them - I have lost count of this.

IMPO dating sites are now too expensive - they all work on a monthly membership and the shorter time you sign up for the more expensive it is. This is made worse by you fancying the look of a handful of women on each site so you would need to sign up to about half a dozen sites which is prohibitive costwise - why can you not simply pay a fiver per contact on any site?

IMPO dating sites are like nightclubs - women join for free, men are charged a fortune. Having done some serious research of late some of the well-known dating sites, in my part of the World, actually have very few active women on them and some hold profiles of people who have not been on in over a month, 3 months, 6 months, even a year.

I joined one that has the name of a vegetable and it claims to have doctors, lawyers, etc, in my area - closest one was a Doctor in North Wales about 180 miles from myself.

The newspaper ones are more targeted such as the Guardian and The Telegraph - seems a 'better intellect' on them but on each site there are only one woman per site in my area of interest... again, the cost factor comes into it... Both sites have profiles on them of women who have not logged on in over a year.

IMPO dating sites simply have had their day. There is PLnetyoffish which is free but, in my part of the UK, is dominated by divorced plump women in their 40s IMPO. Interestingly, the women in places like Florida, California and Holland look far more 'interesting' than women on there from here in the UK.

A few weeks ago there was a BBC radio doc about dating sites. Two female journos had joined several and they basically concluded much of what I have written above. They felt that men, in particular, were being ripped off by dating sites and that the quality of person you met on them was... go back to the top...

Edit:

Forgot to add gold-diggers, open gold-diggers and working girls on dating sites now.

[rolf]

You are in a similar situation to me, except I have never used dating sites much at all.

80% of men don't know how to pull women these days anyway. 10% of guys learned the skill mostly by accident and don't realise the "moves" they pull. The other 10% I don't know, but I hope most want to better themselves like myself.

You can learn how to cold approach women and lose the fear or mental block. This way you'll experience the full variety of women and also get the best ones out there in terms of "keepers". Unless you have kids or are married, there's no reason to be a one woman man either. There's a whole industry on it. PM me and I can send you a link to some reading material.

Dating sites only exist because women have forgotten how to attract men and men forgotten how to pull women. Also, most women on these sites want a tall, dark, not fat man (women are barely into looks at all in reality). So wtf are they doing on a dating site then? Just to inflate their ego IMO.

[The Masked Tulip]

So what do I do? I have issues with approaching strangers. On a one to one situation I'm fine, providing I already know that person (even from chatting online). But I just can't talk to complete strangers, so meeting people at the bus stop or in the supermarket has never happened for me

At my age (early 30's) my social circle has dwindled to a few close friends (who are all settled/moved away), so i don't get out much. I work with old/married people.

I think I've got a lot to offer someone. Im decent, quite attractive, funny, and generally, believe I'm a good catch. I want to settle down, have kids etc. Not after one night stands or to 'play' anyone. I'm also no pushover either.

Any suggestions? Or anyone fancy a date?

Non-serious suggestions are welcome too, just for the laugh..

Sorry for length..

You need to focus on what you want. Do you...

wish to find a wife, have kids

wish to date, make female friends, have fun as friends

wish to date, meet women, have loads of sex

My advice:

1. Learn about what you really want.

2. Read some good books on personal development - Hay House has loads, books like The Power of Now, Emotional Intelligence, etc.

3. Do not date someone who already has kids

4. Join a yoga class or a salsa/ballroom class and you will be swamped with women. Join any other club or organisation that many women are members of such as a rock climbing wall in a gym or a mountain biking club but ONLY clubs where there are loads of women. Amateur dramatics is another one.

5. If you have GOOD, SANE, BALANCED FEMALE friends then be open and honest about your dating needs and ask them to keep an eye for you.

[WorkingForTheMan]

Tulip:

I wish to find a wife and have kids, Ideally, but realise thats not going to happen straight away

I don't have any female friends at present (apart from exe's - which I know is bad - should I get rid?)

Just out of interest, why shouldn't I date someone who already has kids?

[The Masked Tulip]

Tulip:

I wish to find a wife and have kids, Ideally, but realise thats not going to happen straight away

I don't have any female friends at present (apart from exe's - which I know is bad - should I get rid?)

Just out of interest, why shouldn't I date someone who already has kids?

OK, well at least you know what you want... just pleae don't decide to have them with the first woman who says "Yes" when you ask them out on a date. I think it is important for men to date a large variety of women, different shapes, different ages, different hair colours, even women who are not your type, in order to learn about women.

Beware of the female narcissist though - go to Dr. Tara's Shrink4Men website and read about narcissistic women who are simply too good to be true when you date them, especially in looks and in bed, as they see you only as prey and will feck you up.

Talk to any man you know in their 40s and 50s and ask them real searching questions about women, relationships and marriage then use your own brain to consider what you are told. Some of it will be good, some of it will be rubbish, some of it will seem like hatred, some of it might save your life being fecked up.

OK, you need to get some good female friends - good, sane, balanced mentally stable women are perhaps the batchelor's best help in dating... and also your best safeguard. Sane, balanced women do not normally hang around with nutjobs, they usually can spot a female nutjob from a mile off so having a circle of sane, balanced women - who are NOT exes - is vital for your mental well-being and to aid you in finding a good date let alone a potential wife and mother of your kids.

OK, until you date a woman who has children already you will not understand. Quite simply, you will always be second to that woman's children, they will not be your children, they will be another man's children and if you bound with the woman you become their pseudo father often paying the costs but without any of the rights... and if the relationship ends you lose the woman and her children.

All men and women of my age group who have dated someone with children tell me they will never do it again - go figure!

Take up rolf's offer of the links, read as much as you can about women, dating, relationships and about yourself.

[loginandtonic]

superfluous

[markyh]

There have been a number of papers written about how dating sites are great hunting grounds for the narcissist, the borderline and other sociopaths.

IMPO dating sites are yesterday and people have moved on to elsewhere.

IMPO dating sites are usually, as far as women are concerned, mainly used by women who are divorced and who have children - hence they are unable to meet people in other places of an evening because their social interaction is limited by their children and having to look after them.

IMPO dating sites have more than their fair share of

nutjobs

career women

career women who havve got to late thirties/late forties and are panicing

career women who havve got to late thirties/late forties and are panicing, but now want a child

career women who tell me how dominant they are in their careers but who wish to have a man to control, tame and spank them - I have lost count of this.

IMPO dating sites are now too expensive - they all work on a monthly membership and the shorter time you sign up for the more expensive it is. This is made worse by you fancying the look of a handful of women on each site so you would need to sign up to about half a dozen sites which is prohibitive costwise - why can you not simply pay a fiver per contact on any site?

IMPO dating sites are like nightclubs - women join for free, men are charged a fortune. Having done some serious research of late some of the well-known dating sites, in my part of the World, actually have very few active women on them and some hold profiles of people who have not been on in over a month, 3 months, 6 months, even a year.

I joined one that has the name of a vegetable and it claims to have doctors, lawyers, etc, in my area - closest one was a Doctor in North Wales about 180 miles from myself.

The newspaper ones are more targeted such as the Guardian and The Telegraph - seems a 'better intellect' on them but on each site there are only one woman per site in my area of interest... again, the cost factor comes into it... Both sites have profiles on them of women who have not logged on in over a year.

IMPO dating sites simply have had their day. There is PLnetyoffish which is free but, in my part of the UK, is dominated by divorced plump women in their 40s IMPO. Interestingly, the women in places like Florida, California and Holland look far more 'interesting' than women on there from here in the UK.

A few weeks ago there was a BBC radio doc about dating sites. Two female journos had joined several and they basically concluded much of what I have written above. They felt that men, in particular, were being ripped off by dating sites and that the quality of person you met on them was... go back to the top...

Edit:

Forgot to add gold-diggers, open gold-diggers and working girls on dating sites now.

Interesting. Things have changed a bit since the early 2000's then. I became single in late 1999 after a 10 year relationship and was in the situation where all my close mates where either getting married or married. I was 30. Then in 2000 after I turned 31 I had already got fed up of the old fashion methods and tried a few dating sites. From 2000 -2002 I had a wail of a time and dated a fair few birds from all over, including local, few munters, some ok some really very nice. Finding a good selection that where interested quite local was hard but I don't remeber meeting any nutters but did date a few "seperated" women.

Then sometime in 02 I struck gold and met via net dating my now wife. A cracking South African ex-model who had been here since 2000, skipped SA after a bad break up, english heritage, worried by the end of apartheid (shes white SA) and wanting to put down roots in the UK. We clicked, had geat fun, things moved on quite quickly, we went snowboarding in feb 03 and got engaged in SA in October 04 and married in SA in 07 and now have a beautiful 3 year old girl.

Dont get me wrong, apart form meeting via the net it was all normal, we had / have fights / family issues etc etc just like all my other mates who married english girls met the old ways.

I cant remember the sites I used to use. I remember friendfinder , love@lycos (as that was free), match.com did not exist, but the one I met my wife on was a pay site (for guys) but I cant for the life of me remember the name now. I deff used about 3-4 sites though. However it wasn't easy back then either as I seem to remember plenty of birds would not put piccy's up and you had to weed them out of them over several weeks before getting them and the going "jeesh" "hedgepig" and virtually dumping them and moving on to the next. Often because of this you would have 3-4 on the go at once.

I guess with TV advertising and much more broadband and net coverage now they are much more popular.

M

[loginandtonic]

just like all my other mates who married english girls met the old ways.

I cant remember the sites I used to use. I remember friendfinder , love@lycos (as that was free), match.com did not exist, but the one I met my wife on was a pay site (for guys) but I cant for the life of me remember the name now. I deff used about 3-4 sites though. However it wasn't easy back then either as I seem to remember plenty of birds would not put piccy's up and you had to weed them out of them over several weeks before getting them and the going "jeesh" "hedgepig" and virtually dumping them and moving on to the next. Often because of this you would have 3-4 on the go at once.

I guess with TV advertising and much more broadband and net coverage now they are much more popular.

M

you lucky s0d ! men like me dont get women online or anywhere for years + years, u r doin 4 on the go. how the other half live eh, i'd have been happy with just 1 on the go. sigh.

anyway yes match was around then, match been around since the 90s. definitely.

3 or 4 on the go ... mutter mutter ... envious grunts ... grrrr

[indirectapproach]

Get in shape.

Tip top shape.

Buns of steel, solid six pack, forty (I allow for human frailty in that number) quality push ups on your knuckles on concrete at the drop of a hat, run for 30 minutes (and I mean run) swim for an hour ....

And you can type .....

If you can achieve and maintain that level of physical activity for a few months, they'll be watching you, you'll be fighting them off with clubs.

Go for a swim tomorrow.

[indirectapproach]

If not, You tube has your answer,

[Quagmire]

Get in shape.

Tip top shape.

Buns of steel, solid six pack, forty (I allow for human frailty in that number) quality push ups on your knuckles on concrete at the drop of a hat, run for 30 minutes (and I mean run) swim for an hour ....

And you can type .....

If you can achieve and maintain that level of physical activity for a few months, they'll be watching you, you'll be fighting them off with clubs.

Go for a swim tomorrow.

+1. Slim, big biceps (but not overly so), defined abs and you're sorted. Anyone can achieve this.

Doesn't matter whether you have a face only your mother could love. 80% of blokes out there are either overweight or thin-fat, you will really stand out.

[WorkingForTheMan]

I used to use love@lycos when I first started, good site (its not anymore). Like Markyh I sometimes had 3 or 4 on the go at the same time. This was 4 or 5 years ago. Now things seem to have changed a lot. I don't think I've changed (in fact I probably look better now, and am def. more confident). Never had women message me though (apart from really awful ones). I've always had to do the hard work. I dont particularly like my photos and think I look 10x better in real life

As for the getting in shape, I'm working on it. Lost a bit of a fat and gained some muscle this year, but its harder than I imagined. After a good start I seem to have stalled, and my motivation is waning. Been doing 5k runs every other day and lifting weights, and eating a good diet, but when I see little results I think 'sod it I'll have a pie'

Judging by what they say on the dating sites, 99% of women (even the really fat heffers) want tall, muscular, athletic men (!). (I cant do the tall thing though, whatever happens!)

[Johnny Storm]

I dont particularly like my photos and think I look 10x better in real life

Get one of your mates to take some of you, doing stuff you actually enjoy in real life. If you go running, get some taken in your running gear etc It makes you seem much more 3dimensional rather than just saying "i go running"

I agree with you. I have dated a lot via the internet. What appears to be happening is the internet has become universal. Rather than it being relatively affluent people who could afford a computer, now it is everyone who owns one. Sadly a vast majority seem to be lifes losers, and those actually worth talking to seem to be not bothering as they feel the sites are just for losers. (Which they are becoming)

Price of things are definitely a control on standard of class of people.

[Bloo Loo]

Men get the type of women they deserve.

[MrPin]

Judging by what they say on the dating sites, 99% of women (even the really fat heffers) want tall, muscular, athletic men (!). (I cant do the tall thing though, whatever happens!)

That's what they say? Not what they get thought!

[tinker]

OK, until you date a woman who has children already you will not understand. Quite simply, you will always be second to that woman's children, they will not be your children, they will be another man's children and if you bound with the woman you become their pseudo father often paying the costs but without any of the rights... and if the relationship ends you lose the woman and her children.

All men and women of my age group who have dated someone with children tell me they will never do it again - go figure!

Happened to me. We are talking years... from hero to persona non-grata. After the emotional connection and bonding, It's quite a shock to the system. Even birthday cards/gifts are ignored.

I was weary before I jumped in, it's fine for a while... then if it no longer works for her... the expression she once used was that she "would wean the boys off me".

[Guest KingCharles1st]

Be afraid, be very afraid of dating sites.

They are full of nutjobs.

Be particularly careful of women that have tried to "put it all back together" with a second child from a second failed relationship.

rules-

YOU travel to THEM

THEY take your gifts

YOU are only required at certain times

RINGS are the only way you can say "I love you."

KEEP AWAY from Late night "video conferencing"

Also remember you can easily do 3-600 quid in a month by being involved in a LDR (long distance relationship) where you supply all the fun.

[loginandtonic]

superfluous

[loginandtonic]

Be afraid, be very afraid of dating sites.

They are full of nutjobs.

Be particularly careful of women that have tried to "put it all back together" with a second child from a second failed relationship.

rules-

YOU travel to THEM

THEY take your gifts

YOU are only required at certain times

RINGS are the only way you can say "I love you."

KEEP AWAY from Late night "video conferencing"

Also remember you can easily do 3-600 quid in a month by being involved in a LDR (long distance relationship) where you supply all the fun.

i'm beginning to be thankful i'm too unattractive to get dates online anyway, i really really am. cant afford that caper at all.

[MrPin]

Be afraid, be very afraid of dating sites.

They are full of nutjobs.

A very nice lady I know, tried a dating site, seemed to find all of them!

I almost pissed myself in the pub when she described them all to me!

[Johnny Storm]

Happened to me. We are talking years... from hero to persona non-grata. After the emotional connection and bonding, It's quite a shock to the system. Even birthday cards/gifts are ignored.

I was weary before I jumped in, it's fine for a while... then if it no longer works for her... the expression she once used was that she "would wean the boys off me".

You know that is really sad, arent people crap. I bet shes intercepting cards / gifts and the boys have been told that you arent interested in them anymore.