I Want To Be Alone: The Rise And Rise Of Solo Living

[chronyx]

Parenthood does mean that you will put others needs before your own. This is a concept that many singletons struggle with.

That would explain the Mum's in 4x4's. Screw the rest of you, and your kids.

No, I'm not going to learn defensive driving, I'm entitled to drive around 2 tonnes of metal while on the blower to Chevvaune to book my haircut/vajazzaling.

(I'm a selfish singleton with a humble Berlingo and who's travelled to Chernobyl for a childrens charity)

Edited April 4, 2012 by chronyx

[Self Employed Youth]

If their ancestors hadn't had children, the scientists and artists you trumpet would never have been born.

You might as well say that the point of houses is so that we don't waste all these bricks we've got. The bricks aren't the point. They're necessary steps towards a stated aim. If the brick manufacturer announced that making bricks was the point, you'd think he was mental.

Bricks can be mass produced by just a few men, anywhere in the world. To breed many people of specific genetic line is currently an impossibility.

Your analogy has a valid point, but it is not the best.

What is in a house?

Go for the prefabs - every man could build 4 per year!

[MrBushy]

That would explain the Mum's in 4x4's. Screw the rest of you, and your kids.

No, I'm not going to learn defensive driving, I'm entitled to drive around 2 tonnes of metal while on the blower to Chevvaune to book my haircut/vajazzaling.

(I'm a selfish singleton with a humble Berlingo and who's travelled to Chernobyl for a childrens charity)

Yes, you don't get it. The point is that you chose to travel to Chernobyl to do charity work. It's a very commendable, and selfless thing to do, but you had the choice. If you have children, you don't get to make that choice - you can't go to do charity work because you have another responsibility - to care for someone else who depends on you.

Let's not say singleton's are selfish. Let's say they are self-centred. It's not a bad thing - just a different way to live.

Having children is a fundamental experience of life.

Until you have done it, you really know nothing about it.

[MrBushy]

BS. Having children is hard-wired into us and transgresses all of the modern preoccupations which arise from our current 21st century mindset and culture. Having children "validates someone's existence" just as much as being born or dying does. In fact I would say it is the most significant thing someone can do in their life and that until you have had them you do not fully exist.

+1

Actually it's true.

[OnionTerror]

Let's not say singleton's are selfish. Let's say they are self-centred. It's not a bad thing - just a different way to live.

Oh please, can you please climb out of your own ar3e..

Edited April 4, 2012 by Dave Beans

[Englebert]

+1

Actually it's true.

Does it balls!

['Bart']

Let's not say singleton's are selfish. Let's say they are self-centred.

You might as well say that people who like the colour blue aren't selfish, just self-centered.

I like being single. Oh I could shack up with a lady and perhaps, by dint of my not being suited to being part of a couple, go on to make her life a misery for years. And that's not being selfish?

Having children is a fundamental experience of life.

Until you have done it, you really know nothing about it.

It's not something you can try out and see if you like it or not. No M&S style returns policy here I'm afraid.

I don't want children. Never have done. So I don't have any. Hardly rocket science is it?

And in a world of 7 billion people, my "selfishness" is hardly a threat to the continuation of the human race.

I find it very interesting how threatened some of the "breeders" seem to be by people who are happy and well-adjusted without children.

Very interesting.

[Greg Bowman]

Read up a little, the mind plays trick on you.

Everything you do is for yourself, only you matter. You had children to 'validate your existence' as you felt like nothing beforehand.

It worked for you, and others, but not everyone needs this self confirmation.

I thought that having kids ( I am lucky both healthy and great company) would be the best thing that I could do with my wife and they have brought streams of unbridled joy to me for over twenty years.

So if some quack author says its all about self confirmation I have to say that's ****** rather like people on here saying all childless people are selfish or self centred.

Read a little more than seeking the evidence you want and you will find the selfless/selfish debate is far from over.

But if you live by your first sentence I can understand why you don't have children.

[Greg Bowman]

Having children is a sacrifice as well as a responsibility.....your life will never be the same again, if you do it for the right reasons it can only enhance and make your life better.

+1 I have gone all misty eyed!

[MrBushy]

You might as well say that people who like the colour blue aren't selfish, just self-centered.

I like being single. Oh I could shack up with a lady and perhaps, by dint of my not being suited to being part of a couple, go on to make her life a misery for years. And that's not being selfish?

It's not something you can try out and see if you like it or not. No M&S style returns policy here I'm afraid.

I don't want children. Never have done. So I don't have any. Hardly rocket science is it?

And in a world of 7 billion people, my "selfishness" is hardly a threat to the continuation of the human race.

I find it very interesting how threatened some of the "breeders" seem to be by people who are happy and well-adjusted without children.

Very interesting.

Then be single.

It makes no difference to me all, so I hope you enjoy it.

What suprises me is that feel you need to justify that choice.

You don't.

(Or do you?)

There is no "returns policy" for many things in life.

If that stops you doing things, it's going to turn out fairly boring.

[OnionTerror]

You might as well say that people who like the colour blue aren't selfish, just self-centered.

I like being single. Oh I could shack up with a lady and perhaps, by dint of my not being suited to being part of a couple, go on to make her life a misery for years. And that's not being selfish?

It's not something you can try out and see if you like it or not. No M&S style returns policy here I'm afraid.

I don't want children. Never have done. So I don't have any. Hardly rocket science is it?

And in a world of 7 billion people, my "selfishness" is hardly a threat to the continuation of the human race.

I find it very interesting how threatened some of the "breeders" seem to be by people who are happy and well-adjusted without children.

Very interesting.

I can make another unfounded generalisation...couples are more boring than singletons....and their kids is the only subject they talk about...

[The Masked Tulip]

I can make another unfounded generalisation...couples are more boring than singletons....and their kids is the only subject they talk about...

Many animals, once they have produced off-spring, die. Is there something within Humans that means we give up once we have produced the next generation?

[OnionTerror]

Many animals, once they have produced off-spring, die. Is there something within Humans that means we give up once we have produced the next generation?

I think the human's equivalent is that they slowly start turning beige..

[thod]

I thought that having kids ( I am lucky both healthy and great company) would be the best thing that I could do with my wife and they have brought streams of unbridled joy to me for over twenty years.

Which is why one does not ask about your past, that would be questioning the validity of your life.

Instead one asks, if a baby were deposited on your doorstep, would you begin again. I suggest not. Despite the joys of child rearing, you can also see the downsides of nappy changing, school runs and teenage moodiness. That you value your new found freedom too highly to wish to return to that life and do it all again. From this one can ask if it was ever a good idea in the first place. The main rebuttal would seem to be "You should do it once for the experience" but you would not wish repeat it..

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

So it has come to pass, all those who are proud to be single and independent, unbridled by progeny seeking some sort of companionship and social interaction across the internetz with those claiming their partners and children mean everything to them, whatever the sacrifice.

If that isn't ironic i don't know what is.

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

Which is why one does not ask about your past, that would be questioning the validity of your life.

Instead one asks, if a baby were deposited on your doorstep, would you begin again. I suggest not. Despite the joys of child rearing, you can also see the downsides of nappy changing, school runs and teenage moodiness. That you value your new found freedom too highly to wish to return to that life and do it all again. From this one can ask if it was ever a good idea in the first place. The main rebuttal would seem to be "You should do it once for the experience" but you would not wish repeat it..

What?

That is pretty much laughable.

[worried1]

Which is why one does not ask about your past, that would be questioning the validity of your life.

Instead one asks, if a baby were deposited on your doorstep, would you begin again. I suggest not. Despite the joys of child rearing, you can also see the downsides of nappy changing, school runs and teenage moodiness. That you value your new found freedom too highly to wish to return to that life and do it all again. From this one can ask if it was ever a good idea in the first place. The main rebuttal would seem to be "You should do it once for the experience" but you would not wish repeat it..

I do actually know some people who have done just that - had kids very young and then had another one 20 years later because the missed child rearing. I'd agree it is the exception, though as people who have a child in their mid-30s are unlikly to want or be able to have another one 20 years later!

From my own perspective, I think I could live with and even enjoy all of the ups and downs of having a child, but the thing that puts me off is that it seems so all-encompassing. A lot of my friends have had to give everything else up after having their first child, and I am not sure I am happy to do that.

I know the 'mumsnet' contingent on the forum will tell me that parenthood is so amazing that I will soon forget about anything else. I am sure it could be true, but as others have said, I can't exactly go back if I don't like it!

[Britney's Piers]

It isn't selfless to look after children - they are as much a part of you as your leg. It's extended selfishness - and as natural and normal as unextended selfishness.

Absolutely. Having children is selfish, or is it the gene being selfish.

Maybe in the lala land of the rich west having children is a fulfilling spiritual experience, but for most of humanity it means having multiple children where the ones who don't die off before they are out of the cradle are sent out to paw through a rubbish tip for fallen grains of rice to sell at the market for pennies.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Britney's Piers

[PopGun]

So people who don't have kids are self centred and selfish?

Despite the fact that less children allows more space, resources, opportunity and less competition for those who have three or more precious little darlings?!?

Right you are then.

<digs out a thread from a parent complaining about overcrowding....>

[MrBushy]

Instead one asks, if a baby were deposited on your doorstep, would you begin again. I suggest not. Despite the joys of child rearing, you can also see the downsides of nappy changing, school runs and teenage moodiness. That you value your new found freedom too highly to wish to return to that life and do it all again. From this one can ask if it was ever a good idea in the first place. The main rebuttal would seem to be "You should do it once for the experience" but you would not wish repeat it..

I would do it again. It was great.

[Georgia O'Keeffe]

.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Georgia O'Keeffe

[cybernoid]

So it has come to pass, all those who are proud to be single and independent, unbridled by progeny seeking some sort of companionship and social interaction across the internetz with those claiming their partners and children mean everything to them, whatever the sacrifice.

If that isn't ironic i don't know what is.

An intriguing observation.

Difference is, as one of the former I can just turn the computer off and do what I please when I please instead, unlike the slaves to their kids who for them this little internet foray is a welcome break before they HAVE to go back into the fray.

Breeders eh, having the cheek to mock those with the courage, strength and imagination to take the road less travelled. Irony indeed.

Speaking of which, I have some things to do. Things I WANT to do and CHOOSE to do, right now. Because I can.

[JJJ]

So it has come to pass, all those who are proud to be single and independent, unbridled by progeny seeking some sort of companionship and social interaction across the internetz with those claiming their partners and children mean everything to them, whatever the sacrifice.

If that isn't ironic i don't know what is.

I'm not sure that's at all ironic. Not having children, and having children, has no bearing on liking for companionship. You might as well see chocolate-eaters and chocolate-dislikers playing scrabble together and label it ironic.

[Harry Monk]

Like they say, "whether you have children or not, you will regret it"

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

An intriguing observation.

Difference is, as one of the former I can just turn the computer off and do what I please when I please instead, unlike the slaves to their kids who for them this little internet foray is a welcome break before they HAVE to go back into the fray.

Breeders eh, having the cheek to mock those with the courage, strength and imagination to take the road less travelled. Irony indeed.

Speaking of which, I have some things to do. Things I WANT to do and CHOOSE to do, right now. Because I can.

You don't get it.