How Old Is Too Old To Share A Bed All Night With Your Child?

[dances with sheeple]

I would say that if they can`t get a mortgage and they are still in your bed at 40, then there is a problem. Try leaving the light on in their room and tune the telly so they can only watch Kunty and Phil.

[Si1]

Sad.

Yes. Oh god

[wherebee]

When my nippers are scared, they sometimes ask if I can sleep in their bed until they fall asleep. Last time was Doctor Who with the cyborgs under London for the youngest.

That's fine.

Staying all night - no way. My farts would kill them.

If it was a step-child, same rules would apply.

[JustYield]

This strikes me of my friends situation.

My [male] friend, who I've known for many years, lived with his girl friend of four years in her house with her daughter (the father was never in contact) and my friend basically took the place of the dad (although, he did insist he wasn't called 'dad'). When they broke up (the daughter was aged 11 at this stage), I offered him to stay with me as a lodger. All fine and dandy, and the daughter would visit now and again to go for a pizza, cinema etc.

He asked if she could stay round, which wasn't a problem - I had a three bed house, and a spare double air bed. And her mother encouraged it. However, on the night she stayed my mate gave her the option to sleep in his double bed, or on the air bed in the third room. When living at home, she would often stay in the same bed as her mum and my mate.

She wanted to stay in my mates bed with him.

That's completely wrong! If he were her actual dad it would still be a concern, but context is everything. I think mothers can get away with sharing a bed with children up to teens, but not unrelated males. No way.

(And just to clarify I'm not a hysterical Paedo-finder General either and normally I look for the innocent explanations first.)

[SarahBell]

It's one thing to have a fight, but to involve the police?

I think the OP said the person had been thrown out and couldn't have their stuff back. The police is the only option at that point and TBH its unusual for them to do more than have a quiet word about avoiding a breach of the peace.

[The Masked Tulip]

I think the OP said the person had been thrown out and couldn't have their stuff back. The police is the only option at that point and TBH its unusual for them to do more than have a quiet word about avoiding a breach of the peace.

Yes, she was not allowed to pick up her things so she had no other choice.

[StainlessSteelCat]

This^ Local customs.

I often think that we are influenced too much by our customs. All you need do is look at other societies and you find a diversity of habits. Why do we always think 'psychologically' ? No comment upon the OP however, as I don't know the circumstances.

For example, in our society, sharing an adult bed actually developed for the lower classes. Upper classes traditionally, had separate rooms because they can afford a good nights sleep.

Agreed. Co-sleeping very common in parts of Asia - sometimes well into teens and beyond. Had around a dozen Filippino friends to stay recently. All women and girls of various ages, plus one teenage lad. Offered him the spare room on his own, but he preferred to sleep next to his mum with the rest in the living room.

[Ologhai Jones]

Have you got kids? I would find it incredibly upsetting if our two didn't get on. They ARE a part of you.

"If you're not a parent, you wouldn't understand"?

I would say that, on average with regarding to parenting, being a parent makes a person more experienced but less objective.

Depending upon the situation, the 'more experienced' can be a boon; in others, the 'less objective' can be a handicap.

[ccc]

Lord - it may be a bit unusual - however unless there is anything obvious going on - its a bit paedofinder general IMO.

Adult birds who are friends regularly share beds even when they don't have to - and cuddle together etc. - and they are not lesbians.

[ccc]

"If you're not a parent, you wouldn't understand"?

I would say that, on average with regarding to parenting, being a parent makes a person more experienced but less objective.

Depending upon the situation, the 'more experienced' can be a boon; in others, the 'less objective' can be a handicap.

Totally agree. Most parents are literally blinded in certain situations.

[libspero]

Yes, she was not allowed to pick up her things so she had no other choice.

Doesn't quite ring true..

When I had the unfortunate occasion to split with a girlfriend I never called the police if I couldn't go around that very same evening to collect my stuff.

Why did she need it all right then and there in the heat of the moment? Why did she need to mention to the police about the sleeping arrangements (unless she genuinely and impartially thought something sexual was going on)?

If she used the sleeping story with the police just to force them to act so she could get her stuff back.. Well. I won't comment further.

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

Adult birds who are friends regularly share beds even when they don't have to - and cuddle together etc. - and they are not lesbians.

Link?

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

FaFa Jr (1 year old) sleeps in our bed as per Japanese custom. Wasn't too happy with the idea to begin with but fine now. Why do you think it is a problem?

Do you put the baby down to sleep before you go to bed? Does it roll around?

How do you have sex?

Edit: culturally we seem to have an aversion to sleeping with our babies. It's an ever present warning through the UK antenatal process. You'll kill the baby!

[The Masked Tulip]

Doesn't quite ring true..

When I had the unfortunate occasion to split with a girlfriend I never called the police if I couldn't go around that very same evening to collect my stuff.

Why did she need it all right then and there in the heat of the moment? Why did she need to mention to the police about the sleeping arrangements (unless she genuinely and impartially thought something sexual was going on)?

If she used the sleeping story with the police just to force them to act so she could get her stuff back.. Well. I won't comment further.

You are wrong. Feel free to think what you wish though.

Actually, I started this thread just to ask about whether HPCers generally felt it was right or wrong about a 13 year old child sleeping with a parent. I have found most of the comments very interesting, especially those from parents themselves.

I can see that you wish to turn it into something about my friend - fine, feel free to do so. There are other things which occurred beforehand which I have not mentioned and nor will not mention. Not your business. Not my business.

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

You are wrong. Feel free to think what you wish though.

Actually, I started this thread just to ask about whether HPCers generally felt it was right or wrong about a 13 year old child sleeping with a parent. I have found most of the comments very interesting, especially those from parents themselves.

I can see that you wish to turn it into something about my friend - fine, feel free to do so. There are other things which occurred beforehand which I have not mentioned and nor will not mention. Not your business. Not my business.

Does seem a little strange at 13 on a regular basis.

Even at a significantly younger age I know I won't be able to handle my kids in quite the same way very soon and that is sad (to me). No excuse for avoiding the inevitable though.

[Mrs Bear]

That's completely wrong! If he were her actual dad it would still be a concern, but context is everything. I think mothers can get away with sharing a bed with children up to teens, but not unrelated males. No way.

(And just to clarify I'm not a hysterical Paedo-finder General either and normally I look for the innocent explanations first.)

I can imagine a child of that age being scared of sleeping on her own in a strange house. Around that age I went through a phase of being petrified of ghosts (or rather the thought of them) even in my own house upstairs at night, let alone anywhere else. I think it started with having to sleep at my granny's house after my grandfather had recently died there. I was convinced he was going to appear. I never told anyone - I knew they'd just tell me not to be silly. Children do often have all sorts of fears and fancies you don't necessarily know about. I am not saying it was right for this bloke to share a bed with this child, but maybe she needed the comfort of someone familiar.

[Guest_FaFa!_*]

Do you put the baby down to sleep before you go to bed? Does it roll around?

We go to bed same time as baby, but leave the lights on low. Luckily she sleeps deeply and through the night which makes the arrangement feasible. Easy baby. We can have the telly on low or chat or whatever. If she wasn't like that we'd have to reconsider I think. Yeah she often takes over the bed. Again my wife and I are not fussy sleepers so we can manage

How do you have sex?

Stick her in the cot

Edit: culturally we seem to have an aversion to sleeping with our babies. It's an ever present warning through the UK antenatal process. You'll kill the baby!

Yeah, I wasn't and about the idea at first, but it has been fine. It being a part of the wife's culture there is plenty of advice on the subject.

That said, I wouldn't agree with a father sleeping alone with a pubescent daughter. Won't be happening chez Fafa

[wherebee]

I can imagine a child of that age being scared of sleeping on her own in a strange house. Around that age I went through a phase of being petrified of ghosts (or rather the thought of them) even in my own house upstairs at night, let alone anywhere else. I think it started with having to sleep at my granny's house after my grandfather had recently died there. I was convinced he was going to appear. I never told anyone - I knew they'd just tell me not to be silly. Children do often have all sorts of fears and fancies you don't necessarily know about. I am not saying it was right for this bloke to share a bed with this child, but maybe she needed the comfort of someone familiar.

You were probably right. I grew up in a house where I was terrified of the old lady that came out at night and chased me (in my dreams) out the house. Wouldn't sleep in my room - ended up moving into the room further from that one.

Turns out that was the room the previous occupant (a 80 year old widow) had died in.

[frozen_out]

You are wrong. Feel free to think what you wish though.

Actually, I started this thread just to ask about whether HPCers generally felt it was right or wrong about a 13 year old child sleeping with a parent. I have found most of the comments very interesting, especially those from parents themselves.

I can see that you wish to turn it into something about my friend - fine, feel free to do so. There are other things which occurred beforehand which I have not mentioned and nor will not mention. Not your business. Not my business.

In that case you probably shouldn't have posted full stop and it makes the armchair psychologists/psychiatrists on the thread all the more hilarious.

[Mrs Bear]

You were probably right. I grew up in a house where I was terrified of the old lady that came out at night and chased me (in my dreams) out the house. Wouldn't sleep in my room - ended up moving into the room further from that one.

Turns out that was the room the previous occupant (a 80 year old widow) had died in.

Lord, how scary - gave me a shiver just reading that. I used to have terrible 'ghost' dreams, too - same one over and over.

We moved when my younger sister was only 3. She used to say "a lady' came and sat on the end of her bed and smiled at her. She wasn't a bit frightened, just matter of fact about it. Woman who had lived there previously - only in her early 30s I should think - had died in childbirth shortly after moving out.

Who knows?

[Guest eight]

"If you're not a parent, you wouldn't understand"?

I would say that, on average with regarding to parenting, being a parent makes a person more experienced but less objective.

Depending upon the situation, the 'more experienced' can be a boon; in others, the 'less objective' can be a handicap.

Speaking as a parent I completely agree with you.

[frozen_out]

No nerves touched, I just find it odd that people always jump to the conclusion that theres some psychiatric issue and feel able to diagnose it and remedy it on the flimsiest of anecdotes.

Is it weird? As told, ****** yeah. But that's about all we can glean based on the story as told.

Edit: should add - to be told 5 pages in that there's unrevealed background that's none of our business is just attention seeking twaddle. If the background is none of our business, how can the foreground be?

[Frank Hovis]

No nerves touched, I just find it odd that people always jump to the conclusion that theres some psychiatric issue and feel able to diagnose it and remedy it on the flimsiest of anecdotes.

Is it weird? As told, ****** yeah. But that's about all we can glean based on the story as told.

Edit: should add - to be told 5 pages in that there's unrevealed background that's none of our business is just attention seeking twaddle. If the background is none of our business, how can the foreground be?

Have you never been on mumsnet?

On even flimsier evidence women are advising "leave the *******" and going into all kinds of assumptions, then about page 15 information gets drip fed which makes previous points irrelevant and it all goes again.

[R K]

Your friend sounds like a vindictive mad b!tch.

[SarahBell]

Your friend sounds like a vindictive mad b!tch.

Suspect the police ask what the row is about and if it's about him sharing a bed with 13 year old child it's been mentioned.

Imagine all your clothes, toothbrush, pills, jewellery, money are in someone else's house and they won't let you in to get them after they've thrown you out.

What do you do?

Sleep in your same clothes? Or ask for assistance,