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The Masked Tulip

How Old Is Too Old To Share A Bed All Night With Your Child?

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I don't have children myself so would be interested in the views of the HPC parents on here.

This is the background:

--------

A friend of mine has been in a relationship with / living with a divorced man for about a year.

The man is divorced but has his 13 year old daughter to visit every weekend.

My friend and him broke up a few weeks ago, she moved out and then moved back in whilst she was finding another place to live, etc.

Last weekend the chap and his 13 year old daughter shared the bed together for the Saturday night.

My friend, in conversation with him yesterday, suggested that a father should not be sharing his bed with his 13 year old daughter. The chap lost it.

Cut To my friend being chucked out of the house and him not allowing her to go back in to get her stuff.

Police called. Police arrive. Police ask what is going on. Friend explains the above.

Police now informing social services and social services will investigate apparently.

---------

My friend explained all this on the telephone to me this morning.

Personally, baring in mind that I have no children, I think that it is wrong for a parent of either gender to be sharing a bed all night with a 13 year old child of either gender.

I am a very tactile person and think it is important that children are hugged and cuddled and believe that none of us are too old to be cuddle and hugged... and I see no problems with a parent and child conking out on the sofa after a day at the beach or having gone walking or cycling or whatever...

But sleeping all night with you child? What do your HPC parents think? Right? Wrong?

From what little I have heard about the above chap and his daugher and ex I personally have the impression that he is still holding a torch out for his ex and his daughter is some kind of substitute - if anything, I think he needs some kind of counselling to help him over his divorce.

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It's not clear to me why they shared a bed? Was it the only one available? If so can't see the problem in general, especially if it was a double bed.

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I don't have children myself so would be interested in the views of the HPC parents on here.

This is the background:

--------

A friend of mine has been in a relationship with / living with a divorced man for about a year.

The man is divorced but has his 13 year old daughter to visit every weekend.

My friend and him broke up a few weeks ago, she moved out and then moved back in whilst she was finding another place to live, etc.

Last weekend the chap and his 13 year old daughter shared the bed together for the Saturday night.

My friend, in conversation with him yesterday, suggested that a father should not be sharing his bed with his 13 year old daughter. The chap lost it.

Cut To my friend being chucked out of the house and him not allowing her to go back in to get her stuff.

Police called. Police arrive. Police ask what is going on. Friend explains the above.

Police now informing social services and social services will investigate apparently.

---------

My friend explained all this on the telephone to me this morning.

Personally, baring in mind that I have no children, I think that it is wrong for a parent of either gender to be sharing a bed all night with a 13 year old child of either gender.

I am a very tactile person and think it is important that children are hugged and cuddled and believe that none of us are too old to be cuddle and hugged... and I see no problems with a parent and child conking out on the sofa after a day at the beach or having gone walking or cycling or whatever...

But sleeping all night with you child? What do your HPC parents think? Right? Wrong?

From what little I have heard about the above chap and his daugher and ex I personally have the impression that he is still holding a torch out for his ex and his daughter is some kind of substitute - if anything, I think he needs some kind of counselling to help him over his divorce.

Got a girl and a boy - plain weird at best, at worst.....

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I don't have children myself so would be interested in the views of the HPC parents on here.

This is the background:

--------

A friend of mine has been in a relationship with / living with a divorced man for about a year.

The man is divorced but has his 13 year old daughter to visit every weekend.

My friend and him broke up a few weeks ago, she moved out and then moved back in whilst she was finding another place to live, etc.

Last weekend the chap and his 13 year old daughter shared the bed together for the Saturday night.

My friend, in conversation with him yesterday, suggested that a father should not be sharing his bed with his 13 year old daughter. The chap lost it.

Cut To my friend being chucked out of the house and him not allowing her to go back in to get her stuff.

Police called. Police arrive. Police ask what is going on. Friend explains the above.

Police now informing social services and social services will investigate apparently.

---------

My friend explained all this on the telephone to me this morning.

Personally, baring in mind that I have no children, I think that it is wrong for a parent of either gender to be sharing a bed all night with a 13 year old child of either gender.

I am a very tactile person and think it is important that children are hugged and cuddled and believe that none of us are too old to be cuddle and hugged... and I see no problems with a parent and child conking out on the sofa after a day at the beach or having gone walking or cycling or whatever...

But sleeping all night with you child? What do your HPC parents think? Right? Wrong?

From what little I have heard about the above chap and his daugher and ex I personally have the impression that he is still holding a torch out for his ex and his daughter is some kind of substitute - if anything, I think he needs some kind of counselling to help him over his divorce.

about 45 mummy

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Noooooo! Children should be in their own beds unless severely in need of comfort (bad nightmares etc.), and even then should be put back to bed at the earliest opportunity. Bed sharing at any age is asking for trouble, imo (and I'm not talking about anything paedo, necessarily).

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If it is occasional, and down to unusual circumstances, I would see nothing wrong with it. I would have had not the slightest objection to Mr B in one-off circs sharing a bed with either of our two daughters at that age.

This summer at a large family party in France, 2 nieces aged 10 and nearly 13 went and shared my BIL"s bed next door to their room - their mother was not there at the time. They had been frightened by some big moths that had got into their own room. Nobody saw anything in the least wrong with it. I know that on previous hols the younger has often shared a bed with her daddy after she's had a bad dream or been frightened by a thunderstorm.

However some people's minds do see evil in everything, alas...

But I do agree that in general sharing beds with a child is a bad idea at any age, if only because they kick and thrash and have a tendency to end up sleeping horizontally, at least our elder did. From the age of about two and a half to 6 she would regularly make her way into our (thankfully big) bed in the middle of most nights. We did not make a thing of it and eventually she grew out of it of her own accord. Our younger one never did it.

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If it is occasional, and down to unusual circumstances, I would see nothing wrong with it. I would have had not the slightest objection to Mr B in one-off circs sharing a bed with either of our two daughters at that age.

This summer at a large family party in France, 2 nieces aged 10 and nearly 13 went and shared my BIL"s bed next door to their room - their mother was not there at the time. They had been frightened by some big moths that had got into their own room. Nobody saw anything in the least wrong with it. I know that on previous hols the younger has often shared a bed with her daddy after she's had a bad dream or been frightened by a thunderstorm.

However some people's minds do see evil in everything, alas...

One of the things that did cross my mind was whether the father and daughter were both traumatised from the divorce and break-up of the marriage - so simply they are just bonding together more as a result if that makes any sense?

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Guest eight

I don't have children myself so would be interested in the views of the HPC parents on here.

It is a bit toe curling but unless you suspect actual abuse is taking place then I don't see the point of putting them through the wringer.

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One of the things that did cross my mind was whether the father and daughter were both traumatised from the divorce and break-up of the marriage - so simply they are just bonding together more as a result if that makes any sense?

Yes, but that doesn't mean it's healthy :)

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One of the things that did cross my mind was whether the father and daughter were both traumatised from the divorce and break-up of the marriage - so simply they are just bonding together more as a result if that makes any sense?

Different sorts of trauma though. One has lost a sexual partner and companion. The other is a child who still has access to both parents.

And did the child sleep in the other parents bed during the week?

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I’ve been on camping holidays where father and teenage son/daughter have slept on the same airbed and as far as I’m aware no one thought it odd… Maybe your friend was simply jealous of the girl sleeping next to her former partner…

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Noooooo! Children should be in their own beds unless severely in need of comfort (bad nightmares etc.), and even then should be put back to bed at the earliest opportunity. Bed sharing at any age is asking for trouble, imo (and I'm not talking about anything paedo, necessarily).

What trouble do you mean?

My lad shared my bed until I eventually moved him out into his own bed when he was about 5. Even now, aged 10, he sometimes sneaks into my bed during the night, usually without waking me. He doesn't seem to be emotionally scarred, and I can't say I find it anything more than a minor annoyance.

Edit: I'd find it a bit odd to be getting into a shared bed now though, excepting unusual circumstances such as holidays or visiting family. As for the OP, yes, I do find it rather odd, but it's hard to know if there's anything funny going on without more information.

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It is a bit toe curling but unless you suspect actual abuse is taking place then I don't see the point of putting them through the wringer.

No, I agree. I think, from what I have been told, that the chap needs some kind of counselling / therapy regarding his divorce - apparently the child already has had some therapy.

I wish my friend had not told the Police what she did because I suspect they will indeed go through the wringer now.

Nobody writes a rule book for parenting and I believe that most good people simply do the best they can when learning to be a parent. I am not one myself so I try to step back from any such conversations as I really have not a clue about how to be a parent.

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Different sorts of trauma though. One has lost a sexual partner and companion. The other is a child who still has access to both parents.

And did the child sleep in the other parents bed during the week?

From the very little I know I don't believe so.

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I’ve been on camping holidays where father and teenage son/daughter have slept on the same airbed and as far as I’m aware no one thought it odd… Maybe your friend was simply jealous of the girl sleeping next to her former partner…

Yep, that thought too crossed my mind.

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It is a bit toe curling but unless you suspect actual abuse is taking place then I don't see the point of putting them through the wringer.

Co dependence is a form of abuse, albeit subtle

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I’ve been on camping holidays where father and teenage son/daughter have slept on the same airbed and as far as I’m aware no one thought it odd… Maybe your friend was simply jealous of the girl sleeping next to her former partner…

That's different though isn't it. Everybody shares on camping because you're roughing it a bit; you wouldn't do it at home though.

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