JoeDavola Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I've just spent a few hours with a family member, and I notice that every time I spend time with them I feel emotionally exhausted afterwards and sometimes quite upset. It takes me about an hour and a half after leaving them for my mood to return to normal. They are retired with a pension and shouldn't have a worry in the world. But they seem to thrive on conflict, on complaining about the world and how they have been done wrong. There seems to be a perverse enjoyment of it. It's hard to describe, but to give some examples: - just back from a holiday in which the flights were bought for them as a present. Insead of enjoying the fact that they had been on holiday; they had checked hotel prices for the hotel they had just stayed in, only for August and were complaining that the prices in August were cheaper (they had no intention of going back there in August, it was just something to give off about) - over the top histrionic rants to you about whatever disaster is happening in their lives; the sad thing is I think this is their only way of trying to connect with people (everything has an underlying 'listen to how horrible the world is, isn't it horrible?', but it's no fun to be on the receiving end - in the rare occasion that something is making them happy, it's usually the misfortunes of others, those who they don't like (e.g. someone going through a divorce, and someone being arrested are two of the stories I've had to listen to recently) - seeking out things to complain about when there isn't any - the daily mail website and the internet in general are good sources for this. Despite this person being retired with no mortgage before they were 60; I had to listen to an almost hysterical rant the other week about how prime ministers get a pension for being in a job only one day and how so-and-so politican has 3 pensions and how is that fair blah blah blah - it seems an underlying core belief that "the world is a bad place and people are bastards" I think when it all boils down to it, they don't really have any interests or hobbies and are basically rather bored; hence they create crisis for themselves and over-react emotionally to things, but it means that it's very hard to spend time with them and I end up feeling a bit guilty about that. I just think thet this person gets off on being angry; and as I've become more mature and aware of both my own behaviour faults as well as others, I've come to the conclusion this person will continue to create real and imagined ways to be angry until the day they die. I realize this has ironically ended up as a bit of a rant; but I needed to get it off my chest...there were just too many 'WTF' moments over the past couple of hours that you just feel the need to purge afterwards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oracle Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I've just spent a few hours with a family member, and I notice that every time I spend time with them I feel emotionally exhausted afterwards and sometimes quite upset. It takes me about an hour and a half after leaving them for my mood to return to normal. They are retired with a pension and shouldn't have a worry in the world. But they seem to thrive on conflict, on complaining about the world and how they have been done wrong. There seems to be a perverse enjoyment of it. It's hard to describe, but to give some examples: - just back from a holiday in which the flights were bought for them as a present. Insead of enjoying the fact that they had been on holiday; they had checked hotel prices for the hotel they had just stayed in, only for August and were complaining that the prices in August were cheaper (they had no intention of going back there in August, it was just something to give off about) - over the top histrionic rants to you about whatever disaster is happening in their lives; the sad thing is I think this is their only way of trying to connect with people (everything has an underlying 'listen to how horrible the world is, isn't it horrible?', but it's no fun to be on the receiving end - in the rare occasion that something is making them happy, it's usually the misfortunes of others, those who they don't like (e.g. someone going through a divorce, and someone being arrested are two of the stories I've had to listen to recently) - seeking out things to complain about when there isn't any - the daily mail website and the internet in general are good sources for this. Despite this person being retired with no mortgage before they were 60; I had to listen to an almost hysterical rant the other week about how prime ministers get a pension for being in a job only one day and how so-and-so politican has 3 pensions and how is that fair blah blah blah - it seems an underlying core belief that "the world is a bad place and people are bastards" I think when it all boils down to it, they don't really have any interests or hobbies and are basically rather bored; hence they create crisis for themselves and over-react emotionally to things, but it means that it's very hard to spend time with them and I end up feeling a bit guilty about that. I just think thet this person gets off on being angry; and as I've become more mature and aware of both my own behaviour faults as well as others, I've come to the conclusion this person will continue to create real and imagined ways to be angry until the day they die. I realize this has ironically ended up as a bit of a rant; but I needed to get it off my chest...there were just too many 'WTF' moments over the past couple of hours that you just feel the need to purge afterwards... to put it in construction terms.one guy I used to be acquainted with put it quite bluntly: there are only two types of people in the world, drains and radiators. straight answer is yes, some people do get their "fix" from being overly depressing(and venting their spleen on others) ..same as some people in the office you know just have to make life as stressful and chaotic as possible(the problem could have been sorted out far more amicably and methodically but noooo...these guys have to really throw their toys out of the pram and create utter havoc in the process.) ..it makes them feel alive you see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 If they are elderly, they may be angry because they are having to face up to the loss of their youth, or are not able to do all the things they used to do, they may be overweight or not very healthy......men in particular suffer when they have to give up their driving licence/ independance or the loss of a partner....some hate the thought of having to give up their job or hobby etc......life is full of losses and changes, one loss after another, some people find it hard to accept that very easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's the people with little to moan about that moan the hardest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gigantic Purple Slug Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I've just spent a few hours with a family member, and I notice that every time I spend time with them I feel emotionally exhausted afterwards and sometimes quite upset. It takes me about an hour and a half after leaving them for my mood to return to normal. They are retired with a pension and shouldn't have a worry in the world. But they seem to thrive on conflict, on complaining about the world and how they have been done wrong. There seems to be a perverse enjoyment of it. It's hard to describe, but to give some examples: - just back from a holiday in which the flights were bought for them as a present. Insead of enjoying the fact that they had been on holiday; they had checked hotel prices for the hotel they had just stayed in, only for August and were complaining that the prices in August were cheaper (they had no intention of going back there in August, it was just something to give off about) - over the top histrionic rants to you about whatever disaster is happening in their lives; the sad thing is I think this is their only way of trying to connect with people (everything has an underlying 'listen to how horrible the world is, isn't it horrible?', but it's no fun to be on the receiving end - in the rare occasion that something is making them happy, it's usually the misfortunes of others, those who they don't like (e.g. someone going through a divorce, and someone being arrested are two of the stories I've had to listen to recently) - seeking out things to complain about when there isn't any - the daily mail website and the internet in general are good sources for this. Despite this person being retired with no mortgage before they were 60; I had to listen to an almost hysterical rant the other week about how prime ministers get a pension for being in a job only one day and how so-and-so politican has 3 pensions and how is that fair blah blah blah - it seems an underlying core belief that "the world is a bad place and people are bastards" I think when it all boils down to it, they don't really have any interests or hobbies and are basically rather bored; hence they create crisis for themselves and over-react emotionally to things, but it means that it's very hard to spend time with them and I end up feeling a bit guilty about that. I just think thet this person gets off on being angry; and as I've become more mature and aware of both my own behaviour faults as well as others, I've come to the conclusion this person will continue to create real and imagined ways to be angry until the day they die. I realize this has ironically ended up as a bit of a rant; but I needed to get it off my chest...there were just too many 'WTF' moments over the past couple of hours that you just feel the need to purge afterwards... Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StainlessSteelCat Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Emotional vampires. Best avoided if at all possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 If they are elderly, they may be angry because they are having to face up to the loss of their youth, or are not able to do all the things they used to do, they may be overweight or not very healthy......men in particular suffer when they have to give up their driving licence/ independance or the loss of a partner....some hate the thought of having to give up their job or hobby etc......life is full of losses and changes, one loss after another, some people find it hard to accept that very easily. I'm glad to be getting a bit "elderly", as some of my friends didn't make it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeDavola Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 If they are elderly, they may be angry because they are having to face up to the loss of their youth, or are not able to do all the things they used to do, they may be overweight or not very healthy......men in particular suffer when they have to give up their driving licence/ independance or the loss of a partner....some hate the thought of having to give up their job or hobby etc......life is full of losses and changes, one loss after another, some people find it hard to accept that very easily. They are in fine health for their age. I've known them all my life, and were like this as early as I can remember. I always blamed it on other things; they had a 'stressful job' (it really wasn't that bad), or maybe it was my fault for being sick as a child and being too much hassle. But now they have no job to worry about, no mortgage, the kids have flown the nest and can look after themselves....and you kinda realize that they're all out of excuses, know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I'm glad to be getting a bit "elderly", as some of my friends didn't make it! You must be a possitive pin.....keeps you younger for longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little fish Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Energy hoovers are every where and come in all shapes, sizes and ages. In a perfect world it would be feasible to avoid them at all costs, where they are family or work associates, you are kinda stuck with them. You can't change them so your only alternative is to learn to detach any emotions you have that are triggered by their rants. Works for all the negative people that set out to damage you, intentionally or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bossybabe Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I'm glad to be getting a bit "elderly", as some of my friends didn't make it! Agreed. Waking up every day is a bonus when you consider the alternative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 You must be a possitive pin.....keeps you younger for longer. And you you young lady should learn to spell! And learn an instrument, maybe a ukulele! Or if you have long arms, a bass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 They are in fine health for their age. I've known them all my life, and were like this as early as I can remember. I always blamed it on other things; they had a 'stressful job' (it really wasn't that bad), or maybe it was my fault for being sick as a child and being too much hassle. But now they have no job to worry about, no mortgage, the kids have flown the nest and can look after themselves....and you kinda realize that they're all out of excuses, know what I mean? I think you will find some people just enjoy complaining and moaning, they forever think they have been hard done by, doesn't matter how much they have, someone else always has better than them....sounds like they are totally bored and or lonely, have few interests or friends, not surprising really....who in their right mind would want to go around to see them to cheer themselves up and have a laugh..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Agreed. Waking up every day is a bonus when you consider the alternative. I am the voice of reason! My dad's still going fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 And you you young lady should learn to spell! And learn an instrument, maybe a ukulele! Or if you have long arms, a bass! You play I sing.....the keypad still can't spell though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Hovis Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I think you will find some people just enjoy complaining and moaning, they forever think they have been hard done by, doesn't matter how much they have, someone else always has better than them....sounds like they are totally bored and or lonely, have few interests or friends, not surprising really....who in their right mind would want to go around to see them to cheer themselves up and have a laugh..... I worked with somebody who would always be moaning to me about something or other. I eventually realised that she just wanted to talk to me but wasn't very good at starting conversations so would do it with a complaint. So from then on I started conversations with her and she stopped moaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 You play I sing.....the keypad still can't spell though. I still need three black ladies for "musical reasons"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 My Mother-in-Law is exactly like this. The whole world is sh*t and every body is horrible. (bit like reading this site or the comments section of any newspaper to be fair) I have to tell my daughter to ignore her because she is basically mad and a sad old person. Ranting like that in front of a kid is just not on. The biggest victims of these sorts of people are front line staff of hotels, call centres, shops, banks etc etc. It becomes bullying by people with buying power. When my ex-GF's mum dies, I would like the clock and piano! I'm not getting them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobloblob Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I've just spent a few hours with a family member, and I notice that every time I spend time with them I feel emotionally exhausted afterwards and sometimes quite upset. It takes me about an hour and a half after leaving them for my mood to return to normal. They are retired with a pension and shouldn't have a worry in the world. But they seem to thrive on conflict, on complaining about the world and how they have been done wrong. There seems to be a perverse enjoyment of it. It's hard to describe, but to give some examples: - just back from a holiday in which the flights were bought for them as a present. Insead of enjoying the fact that they had been on holiday; they had checked hotel prices for the hotel they had just stayed in, only for August and were complaining that the prices in August were cheaper (they had no intention of going back there in August, it was just something to give off about) - over the top histrionic rants to you about whatever disaster is happening in their lives; the sad thing is I think this is their only way of trying to connect with people (everything has an underlying 'listen to how horrible the world is, isn't it horrible?', but it's no fun to be on the receiving end - in the rare occasion that something is making them happy, it's usually the misfortunes of others, those who they don't like (e.g. someone going through a divorce, and someone being arrested are two of the stories I've had to listen to recently) - seeking out things to complain about when there isn't any - the daily mail website and the internet in general are good sources for this. Despite this person being retired with no mortgage before they were 60; I had to listen to an almost hysterical rant the other week about how prime ministers get a pension for being in a job only one day and how so-and-so politican has 3 pensions and how is that fair blah blah blah - it seems an underlying core belief that "the world is a bad place and people are bastards" I think when it all boils down to it, they don't really have any interests or hobbies and are basically rather bored; hence they create crisis for themselves and over-react emotionally to things, but it means that it's very hard to spend time with them and I end up feeling a bit guilty about that. I just think thet this person gets off on being angry; and as I've become more mature and aware of both my own behaviour faults as well as others, I've come to the conclusion this person will continue to create real and imagined ways to be angry until the day they die. I realize this has ironically ended up as a bit of a rant; but I needed to get it off my chest...there were just too many 'WTF' moments over the past couple of hours that you just feel the need to purge afterwards... Scouser? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/3749548.stm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I worked with somebody who would always be moaning to me about something or other. I eventually realised that she just wanted to talk to me but wasn't very good at starting conversations so would do it with a complaint. So from then on I started conversations with her and she stopped moaning. Been a few like that at work....why change it, we have always done it like that, not happy with this that or the other....could be they didn't feel valued or respected....l think talking so getting to the underlying real objections helps and giving them the tools to help themselves to do a few things they can positively do to change things for them and therefore others, the other people they work with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I still need three black ladies for "musical reasons"! Fair enough....you had your chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowflux Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I worked with somebody who would always be moaning to me about something or other. I eventually realised that she just wanted to talk to me but wasn't very good at starting conversations so would do it with a complaint. So from then on I started conversations with her and she stopped moaning. Yes, a long time ago, in his youth, my dad used to work as a gardener for an old widow. Every time he went round, she would come out to complain about some aspect of his work that was unsatisfactory, but she continued to employ him. He really couldn't understand what he was doing wrong, until it eventually dawned on him that this old woman was almost crazy with loneliness and simply had no-one else to talk to. Complaining was the only way that she felt she could initiate a conversation with her gardener. After he realised that, he made more of an effort to talk to her, and they become friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Fair enough....you had your chance. i never guessed you were a honky white bitch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riedquat Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 If you don't feel like at least moaning then you're either blind or stupid because the world is crap and getting crapper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winkie Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 i never guessed you were a honky white bitch! Stop moaning and go and play a few cords, you might feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.