Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I am at the wedding do of some people I don't particularly like. I only came along out of politeness. It is out of town so I drove and therefore shouldn't drink. It is in the south so there are unlikely to be any fights. The current plan is to sulk in the corner for an hour then go home. Does the learned forum have any better ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butthead Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I am at the wedding do of some people I don't particularly like. I only came along out of politeness. It is out of town so I drove and therefore shouldn't drink. It is in the south so there are unlikely to be any fights. The current plan is to sulk in the corner for an hour then go home. Does the learned forum have any better ideas? Reply to this post, making yourself look: a.) Popular (people will assume you are texting a loved one) b.) Busy - so people won't bother you or try to talk to you and also eating up a few painful minutes of boredom. Repeat a few times and then skulk off... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 You should start a fight, and urinate on the bride! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Reply to this post, making yourself look: a.) Popular (people will assume you are texting a loved one) b.) Busy - so people won't bother you or try to talk to you and also eating up a few painful minutes of boredom. Repeat a few times and then skulk off... Thanks VoR! You rock! Oh heck, all the boomers have started dancing to a Rihanna track. Why can't they ever do something good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19 year mortgage 8itch Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Shag a bridesmaid. You can come round to mine and do my ironing if you'd prefer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Play the game of spotting which marrieds are sneaking off for a grope with someone other than their partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 You should start a fight, and urinate on the bride! I think somebody has beaten me to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The XYY Man Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 It is in the south so there are unlikely to be any fights. Shandy-drinking bunch of twats - come up North mate and have a proper party. XYY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ayatollah Buggeri Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 The couple in question clearly have a distinctive sense of humour, getting married on Friday the 13th. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 To be fair the bride has accomplished major slimming to fit into her dress today. I still wouldn't though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I think somebody has beaten me to it. Wimp! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPin Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Shandy-drinking bunch of twats - come up North mate and have a proper party. XYY I'll whallop you with a purple cravat! You boundah!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntb Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Go for a dump to kill some time. By a bag of salted peanuts and amuse yourself by counting them, working out the ratio of complete ones to individual halves. Split all the whole ones into their halves. Make some amusing pixel art with them. Then eat them and go back to the bogs to wash your greasy fingers. Repeat as needed for dry roasted, cashews etc until you feel sick and it will probably be time to go home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The XYY Man Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I'll whallop you with a purple cravat! You boundah!! And I'll box your ears you scoundrel. And once it all kicks-off proper, our lass will writhe around in the mud with Mrs/Ms Pin for several hours for the sake of the XYY family honour. Just so ya know like... XYY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Ah, the disposable cameras dotting the tables have some promise... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Mahoney Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Ah, the disposable cameras dotting the tables have some promise... Toilet bowl photography? DIY tasers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Generation Game Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 To be fair the bride has accomplished major slimming to fit into her dress today. I still wouldn't though. Wimp! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dances with sheeple Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I am at the wedding do of some people I don't particularly like. I only came along out of politeness. It is out of town so I drove and therefore shouldn't drink. It is in the south so there are unlikely to be any fights. The current plan is to sulk in the corner for an hour then go home. Does the learned forum have any better ideas? Park the car, swallow the keys, get hammered and start singing with the band, then announce the HPC over the mike, giving out the address of this site, then start fighting with the nimbys who try to rush the stage, if you start to get outnumbered remember the immortal line from Out For Justice - "Stop whining like a C*unt and get your piece! " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the gardener Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 In the South you say? No fights? Does not compute I'm afraid. I usually have to fight my way through several hordes of violent chavs to get a drink. And that's just in the beer section of Morrissons. The real aggro doesn't start till I hit the town later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Toilet bowl photography? DIY tasers? Hoffman lenses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happy_renting Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Ah, the disposable cameras dotting the tables have some promise... Be public-spirited. Pass time by gathering them all up, and throwing them in the bin. Make sure everyone sees you do it. Well, they are disposable after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNACR Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Take it you're on the not valued enough to be invited to the ceremony and meal but will do for making up numbers so we look popular at the evening disco list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuggets Mahoney Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Hoffman lenses I see what you did there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horridbloke Posted September 14, 2013 Author Share Posted September 14, 2013 Take it you're on the not valued enough to be invited to the ceremony and meal but will do for making up numbers so we look popular at the evening disco list. That's the great thing about weddings, isn't it? You find out where you stand. 1st class : stag / hen do 2nd class: wedding ceremony 3rd class: sit in function room with pissed boomers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Bear Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 I am at the wedding do of some people I don't particularly like. I only came along out of politeness. It is out of town so I drove and therefore shouldn't drink. It is in the south so there are unlikely to be any fights. The current plan is to sulk in the corner for an hour then go home. Does the learned forum have any better ideas? Well, I hope at least there's some nice food! Hope you didn't shell out too much on a present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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