One-percent Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 5 minutes ago, hotairmail said: You can use the marmoset faecal funghi scrapings in your tea infuser in the morning. It's mildly hallucinogenic though. Nice, will give it a go as a kickstart to the day. Do I need to buy the overpriced beans to get the sh!te or is it sold separately? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One-percent Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Just now, hotairmail said: I can sell you some. Pm me. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bendy Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 2 hours ago, hotairmail said: You have to first of all feed the beans to a virgin marmoset. Collect the faeces and store in a humid cupboard for 3 years, 12 weeks, five days and 10 minutes. Gently peel off the mould with tweezers and a soft brush, crush into medium sized coarseness using a mortar and pestle (don't use a machine as they can get too hot) and then just add pre boiling water. Pour through a cheesey sock to remove the beans. Where do I buy a cheesy sock from or can I make my own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The XYY Man Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 6 minutes ago, bendy said: Where do I buy a cheesy sock from or can I make my own? I can lease you one on an eighteen-month contract if you're not quite sure about taking on the full responsibilities of cheesy-sock ownership. TODAY ONLY: Use the code CHEESY at the check-out for a further 5% discount. XYY The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage - Danish proverb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 On 12/12/2016 at 8:06 PM, The XYY Man said: By 10am each morning, I've had at least six cups. By 3pm - at least another four. By 6pm, two beers and a stiff whisky. By 11pm, at least another half-bottle of whisky. Rinse and repeat... XYY The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage - Danish proverb We have some things in common Two coffees before brain wakes up. Four by lunchtime. Another two in the afternoon. Sometimes one after dinner. Don't start on the alcohol until about 8pm and vodka, not whisky. Mind you if I don't drink late at night then I don't need so much coffee in the day. But coffee does taste so good, too. Can't do the stove-top things. Tastes all syrupy and it's just too damn strong. Headaches abound. We have a bean-to-cup machine that's ideal for first thing in the morning. You just put the cup with the milk in the microwave for 1 minute and then press the button on the machine and it does it all. Indeed I have the timing spot on now. I can press the button on the coffee machine at 00:19 on the microwave and it starts grinding the beans. Whip the coffee cup out of the microwave, a massive, special mug, at 00:01 before it beeps, and put it under the spout on the coffee machine just as it starts to spit out the coffee. So efficient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Mark's coffee machine is a screaming hotukdeal today - £209.99. http://www.hotukdeals.com/deals/de-longhi-esam-4200-bean-cup-coffee-machine-amazon-209-99-2630278 Everyone rush out and buy one NOW - that is an order! (Says the man content with a jar of kenco and the lingerie section of the 1978 Kay's catalogue.). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Our coffee machine even has its own thread now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One-percent Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Top comment on the post on HotUKDeals is "is everyone on here retired?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 14 minutes ago, DTMark said: Our coffee machine even has its own thread now When you are sleeping it comes on here and posts about you fiddling with its knobs and cleaning out its pipes. It also says that you are a cr*p programmer who wouldn't know a java bean from a double skinny-back whipped hot fudge cup of earl grey. (It might be obvious here that I know nothing about coffee other than 'is it a milky one?'.) If you are not careful it is going to run off with III_handle_it's air fryer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 34 minutes ago, The Masked Tulip said: When you are sleeping it comes on here and posts about you fiddling with its knobs and cleaning out its pipes. It also says that you are a cr*p programmer who wouldn't know a java bean from a double skinny-back whipped hot fudge cup of earl grey. (It might be obvious here that I know nothing about coffee other than 'is it a milky one?'.) If you are not careful it is going to run off with III_handle_it's air fryer. Oddly enough I was descaling the "black plastic thing" about an hour ago! I've spent the last hour refactoring part of the code for a customised checkout that I wrote about six years ago so that card payments can be added. (It's in an industry where card payments are high risk, so it never had it before). Staring at stuff I wrote, thinking "Why the bloody hell did I do that? What was I thinking?" You should get one of those machines. You need one of those machines. It will enrich your life in way that you never thought possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, DTMark said: Oddly enough I was descaling the "black plastic thing" about an hour ago! I've spent the last hour refactoring part of the code for a customised checkout that I wrote about six years ago so that card payments can be added. (It's in an industry where card payments are high risk, so it never had it before). Staring at stuff I wrote, thinking "Why the bloody hell did I do that? What was I thinking?" You should get one of those machines. You need one of those machines. It will enrich your life in way that you never thought possible. You call it making coffee. I call it a... fetish These machines are like those pods in 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'. I did not use pod randomly either. It all comes together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I love coffee. Partner got me a T-shirt for Christmas.. You are the "not we" and I claim my £5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Tulip Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 16 minutes ago, DTMark said: I love coffee. Partner got me a T-shirt for Christmas.. You are the "not we" and I claim my £5. That reminds me, I need a piddle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig_ Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 7 hours ago, DTMark said: I love coffee. Partner got me a T-shirt for Christmas.. You are the "not we" and I claim my £5. Think you need to lay off the coffee, seems to have caused you to grow breasts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honkydonkey Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 That instant nescafe azera is pretty good, powdered coffee. I used to love the beans, making nice strong coffee, but now if I drink 'proper' coffee it makes me really anxious and nervous. Instant doesn't have that affect for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
200p Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Still with the decaffeinated stuff. I forgot to mention, if I do have strong caffeinated coffee, I might go a little-oooer misses, maybe a tiny bit non-politically correct (a tiny bit), and may say something offensive or be a little bit "loose cannon". Caffeine tends to make the words not go through the brain first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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