Shrink Proof

Yes, any decade now...

Let's face it, Cummings was wrong to compare Johnson to a shopping trolley. After all, you can get more food and drink into Johnson and he looks better dumped in a canal. On the other hand, at least a shopping trolley has a mind of its own...

Still, that suits the big companies. So that's alright then.

Can't imagine any of the other suppliers being keen to take on Bulb's 1.7 million loss-making customers.

What will collapse next? Bulb Energy, by the look of it.

Inflation is really starting to bite now. Compared to last year, it now costs 20% more to buy a Tory MP.

Nearly 1,200 people arrived in England across the Channel in small boats in a single day, officials have revealed, a record for the current migration crisis. The Home Office confirmed that 1,185 people arrived on small boats on Thursday, surpassing the previous high of 853 set earlier this month. More than 23,500 people have now reached the UK after crossing the Channel onboard small boats this year.

Brown was only repeating experiments that psychologists had already done years previously. It's the Barnum effect. There really is a sucker born every minute.

Most likely you'd be in line for a weapons-grade bollocking from your bosses. But then, Geoffrey Cox's time when he's supposed to be working as an MP, as well as his office (and computer, heating, power, etc.) are paid for by the public. So that's all right then...

"Cabinet minister says no need for PM to attend sleaze debate, but he is likely to watch on TV" - Guardian headline. So they now have fridges with inbuilt TV. Wow! What will they think of next?

Maybe we should run a book on how long it'll be before Johnson rewards Paterson by shunting him off to the House of Lords.

Rates unchanged. Who's surprised?

And in other news, Owen Paterson has announced that, with immediate effect, he is raising his prices by 30%.

And in other news, the government has announced that the Earth is flat and Formica is edible.

No, but "lessons will be learned"....

Malice a forecourt...?

You'll never see me buying one of these new fangled petrol cars that we'll all have to get soon, I'm not waiting one and a half hours to fill up.

Indeed. But you were warned. And now the chickens aren't coming home to roost.

Who cares about next year? Nobody does such far distant long-term thinking any more.

Septemeber's inflation figures will show a dip before the upward trend resumes in October with a vengeance. Everything possible will be done to shift any price rises into October. September's inflation figure is used as the one to determine the notional uprating of pensions etc., so manipulating it downwards will help government finances. Which is the main thing, of course...

Voters know that the only people that have the ear of politicians are banks and big business. They know that MPs are (with a VERY few honourable exceptions) self-serving, cowardly parasites who would sell their children for dog food if they could get a junior minister post or a freebie. They know that politicians are serial liars, cheats and expenses fraudsters who will do their damndest to avoid accountability. And they know that if there was performance related pay for politicians, they'd be paying US. But, hey, it's the voters' fault for "disengaging".

"Lessons will be learned...."

Yes, they should be isolated.

All this discussion and nobody's mentioned Major's greatest policy triumph, the thing for which he will always be remembered. Better even than railway privatisation, in fact. Yes, the cones hotline.