Airport Security - The Final Solution

[Laura]

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, there would be none of this hassle about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

By email. Sorry if you have seen it. It's probably been doing the rounds for weeks, but I've only just received it

[Goat]

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, there would be none of this hassle about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

By email. Sorry if you have seen it. It's probably been doing the rounds for weeks, but I've only just received it

Couple of thoughts:

1. Does such a device exist?

2. Presumably if it does exist then anyone opting for the x-ray booth will be immediately shot repeatedly by police officers as a suspected terrorist.

[Bosh]

I think people should just simply tell the truth... We are all honest when we see the anything to declare signs...

A little area in the corner of customs where you can just leave any explosive devices without fear of prosecution...

I`m sure it all sounds a like a great idea when lashed up but in reality not only will you possibly hurt many others but you are more likely to hurt yourself if something explodes in your pants or in your Reebok Classics...

[munro]

No - that would be yet another piece of kit paid for by taxpayers. We need to leave security up to the free market. You can travel dirt cheap, with no security whatsoever. Just like skimping on insurance. If the airline choose not to pay for it. But then the terrorists would presumably target those airlines, so after the first explosion they might experience a loss of sales and then bring in their own security, paid for by their passengers. Seems reasonable.

You could have a system whereby all the passengers on a particular flight are herded into a room an hour before the flight with all their luggage. and the doors sealed. They can then decide between themselves whether they are happy to fly with each other. No holds barred; mutual strip searching, luggage ransacking, etc etc. When everyone is happy, let them on the plane.

It is ridiculous that taxpayers generally, including people who never fly, should pay for airport security. It's a free market business, to the extent that airlines don't even pay fuel duty, unlike motorists. They should pay for their own security and that would give them another competitive edge to exploit in the wonders of perpetual business competition. Lie back and imagine Michael O'Leary strutting round the departure lounge in a thong to prove he hasn't got a bomb in his shorts.

[Pindar]

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, there would be none of this hassle about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

By email. Sorry if you have seen it. It's probably been doing the rounds for weeks, but I've only just received it

This is a brilliant idea. Maybe you've seen the way bomb-dogs are made safe:-

[Goat]

You could have a system whereby all the passengers on a particular flight are herded into a room an hour before the flight with all their luggage. and the doors sealed. They can then decide between themselves whether they are happy to fly with each other. No holds barred; mutual strip searching, luggage ransacking, etc etc. When everyone is happy, let them on the plane.

Great idea, I've got first dibs on Laura

[piece of paper]

Great idea, I've got first dibs on Laura

Mr Parry tried, Mr Loo tried ............. plenty more too. Don't touch what you can't afford.

p-o-p

[thecrashingisles]

It is ridiculous that taxpayers generally, including people who never fly, should pay for airport security.

People in Lockerbie may disagree with you there - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_Am_Flight_103

[Bloo Loo]

Mr Parry tried, Mr Loo tried ............. plenty more too. Don't touch what you can't afford.

p-o-p

and you havent??

[piece of paper]

and you havent??

Nah. I reckon Essex girls are posh.

p-o-p

[The Ayatollah Buggeri]

Given the title of the thread, I anticipated that the OP would be advocating the installation of crematoria at airports. I was kind of right ...

[cashinmattress]

Simple solution.

Admit that we have racial, culteral and religious issues.

Put in an active policy of profiling based up on the above, and every single card carrying nutjob will either get caught out or will never attempt to fvck with the system.

This will no,t however, stop the genuine psychopaths and mentally ill ones.

[LuckyOne]

Simple solution.

Admit that we have racial, culteral and religious issues.

Put in an active policy of profiling based up on the above, and every single card carrying nutjob will either get caught out or will never attempt to fvck with the system.

This will no,t however, stop the genuine psychopaths and mentally ill ones.

After 9/11, the US approached El Al and asked them how to prevent terrorist attacks.

The answers were so far from being politically correct that the US investigators visibly blanched.

Instead of having focused, effective anti-terrorism methods that are convenient for most, we have loose, ineffective, politically correct methods that inconvenience everybody massively.

This is not a difficult problem to solve except in the case where we allow the rights of the few to overwhelm the rights of the many.

[fellow]

[*]Does such a device exist?

A tazer?

[Lone_Twin]

Simple solution.

Admit that we have racial, culteral and religious issues.

Put in an active policy of profiling based up on the above, and every single card carrying nutjob will either get caught out or will never attempt to fvck with the system.

This will no,t however, stop the genuine psychopaths and mentally ill ones.

And so while we are busy micro examining Mr beardy beardy speaky funny towel-on-a-head they can be certain of slipping through a white skined convert or eastern european?

Profiling won't make us safer it just tells jonny firecacker pants who we won't be looking at.

[oracle]

Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

It would be a win-win for everyone, there would be none of this hassle about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case closed!

This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now: you're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system, "Attention standby passengers we now have a seat available on flight number..."

By email. Sorry if you have seen it. It's probably been doing the rounds for weeks, but I've only just received it

what,you mean one where you step into "the zone",and electronic sensors sniff you for traces of drugs or expolsives.

if they register positive,then the trapdoor beneath your feet opens and you fall into a remand pit.....the descent is obviously cushioned by adequate padding to comply with health and safety regulations...but "downstairs" you will be duly processed according to your misdemeanour.

quite a bit funnier to watch than little flashing red lights on metal detectors too,as people in front of you fall down the chute.

might as well throw in a couple of chunky sounding sirens and light show for good effect....it'll look like something from it's-a-knockout!

[cashinmattress]

And so while we are busy micro examining Mr beardy beardy speaky funny towel-on-a-head they can be certain of slipping through a white skined convert or eastern european?

Profiling won't make us safer it just tells jonny firecacker pants who we won't be looking at.

Oh yes it will. Don't be so naive.

[athom]

I think people should just simply tell the truth... We are all honest when we see the anything to declare signs...

A little area in the corner of customs where you can just leave any explosive devices without fear of prosecution...

I once tried to get on a ferry with a bag of parachute and hand flares, i was going to pick a boat up in Holland and didn't want to buy more there. When i drove up to the security check the guy runs through his list of banned articles in a bored monotone and when he gets to firearms and explosives i say "well i do have a bag of explosives" his bored face turned to a "don't be funny" face, i turned to the rear passenger "can you pass me the bag of explosives", friend hands me the opaque bag with the flares in, which are kinda classic dynamite stick shape and sized now i think of it, i pass it out of the window to the now obviously crapping it security guard who gingerly takes it with fingertips, i don't say a word, he takes it over to his jaw dropped colleague and they carefully open the bag to find the flares, which are technically classed as explosives. Pretty reckless of them really but needless to say this was pre-911 and i was only telling the truth, technically. Was quite funny

True story though, they wouldn't let me take them on, i hoped they could have looked after them for the duration seeing as they must have had some on board themselves. I had to pick them up from a local police station when i got back, i dare say they wouldn't hold them these days.

[cartimandua51]

No - that would be yet another piece of kit paid for by taxpayers. We need to leave s

You could have a system whereby all the passengers on a particular flight are herded into a room an hour before the flight with all their luggage. and the doors sealed. They can then decide between themselves whether they are happy to fly with each other. No holds barred; mutual strip searching, luggage ransacking, etc etc. When everyone is happy, let them on the plane.

I'm half surprised that we haven't yet got a system whereby all passengers are required to strip off completely and don an airport-issued white overall (modestly baggy & with optional head-gear for Muslim ladies) before take-off. Small transparent plastic bag carried for passport, tickets essential medicines such as inhalers etc. Nothing else. You are re-united with your clothes at the other end.

Would piss Mr O'Leary "we don't want your money, we just don't want your bags" off no end, but WTF... no thanks, by the way for that image of him in a thong which I am firmly trying not to visualise...

[twatmangle]

Security is only as good as the people on duty.

Earlier on this year I managed to walk from the street outside an airport, to the tarmac, within 100 metres of a plane, without being challenged.

I was able to walk the wrong way through passport control, customs and the arrivals suite. This was an international airport in Europe.

I think there were four of us who did it.

[Goat]

After 9/11, the US approached El Al and asked them how to prevent terrorist attacks.

The answers were so far from being politically correct that the US investigators visibly blanched.

Instead of having focused, effective anti-terrorism methods that are convenient for most, we have loose, ineffective, politically correct methods that inconvenience everybody massively.

This is not a difficult problem to solve except in the case where we allow the rights of the few to overwhelm the rights of the many.

I think what El Al actually do is extended interviews with all passengers - chances of a suicidal extremist getting past that are roughly nil. Only problem with this is it's quite expensive.

Then, to make sure everyone's on the ball at all times, once all of the passengers have been processed they pick one of the security staff at random and he flies as well.

And so while we are busy micro examining Mr beardy beardy speaky funny towel-on-a-head they can be certain of slipping through a white skined convert or eastern european?

Profiling won't make us safer it just tells jonny firecacker pants who we won't be looking at.

You may not like it but pretty much every attempt has been made by young males of middle eastern extraction or similar. The few exceptions have been young male converts of other origins.

If you spend the same amount of time on grannies, people with children etc as you do on the actual likely attackers then no one gets screened properly and you might as well not bother at all.

[SMAC67]

A cheaper solution would be to simply stop invading countries where brown people and/or oil live/exist...............................

[The Ayatollah Buggeri]

I think what El Al actually do is extended interviews with all passengers - chances of a suicidal extremist getting past that are roughly nil. Only problem with this is it's quite expensive.

Then, to make sure everyone's on the ball at all times, once all of the passengers have been processed they pick one of the security staff at random and he flies as well.

The latter system must be even more expensive. If the airport security staff are working at the origin airport of a long-haul flight to Israel, then presumably they have to bring a packed overnight bag to work; then if they're chosen to fly, be paid however many hours' overtime is needed for them to fly to Israel, spend a night there and then fly back again; not to mention the cost of the seats on the aeroplane that could otherwise be sold to fare-paying passengers.

[Lone_Twin]

Oh yes it will. Don't be so naive.

Go on you can do better than that.

You may not like it but pretty much every attempt has been made by young males of middle eastern extraction or similar. The few exceptions have been young male converts of other origins.

If you spend the same amount of time on grannies, people with children etc as you do on the actual likely attackers then no one gets screened properly and you might as well not bother at all.

I'm not some bleeding heart that dosnt want people's feelings hurt I'm only interested in effectiveness.

I appreciate what you are saying,but the corollary of your post is also true. Groups intent on blowing up a plane are not interested in numbers of available "attempters" but on success. For that you only need one person with a pound of C4 up their ass / sewn into their abdomen.

If we put the majority of our (finite) resources into checking "young males of middle eastern extraction or similar" then what is the logical strategy to acheive an aim of bringing down the aircraft?

Profiling does nothing to increase the width or fineness of the net, it just tells the would-be terrorists how to walk around it.

[The Ayatollah Buggeri]

If we put the majority of our (finite) resources into checking "young males of middle eastern extraction or similar" then what is the logical strategy to acheive an aim of bringing down the aircraft?

Profiling does nothing to increase the width or fineness of the net, it just tells the would-be terrorists how to walk around it.

To extend your argument one step further, if one manages to develop a passenger screening system that is to all intents and purposes foolproof, then what is the logical strategy to achieve an aim of bringing down the aircraft?

Look for a method that does not involve putting a passenger on it, would be my guess. For example...

1. Infiltrate the freight handling operation and try to get a bomb onto the plane that way.

2. Infiltrate the maintenance operation and try to get the plane sabotaged on the ground (but in a way that won't become apparent until it's airborne).

3. Surface-to-air missile.