Grief From The Other Half

[Ignorant Steve]

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. Two young kids already

4. House is priority 1,2 and 3. We have all the material things we could ever need. (just about all 2nd hand but who cares)

5. Tried that. Its going to costs us about £100K to buy now (I see that as us both working til 70), or a much smaller house.

6. Holidays with young kids are not holidays. In practice, it has made it worse.

No chance of NE unless prices crash 75%. I just see £100K as an astonishingly huge amount of money to flush.

VMR.

The 2 young kids are your priority. You have to do what's best for them. Stable home life.

I think you and Mrs VMR are tired and probably desperate for an easier life. We're just coming out of the "5 year exhaustion" phase so I'm all too familiar with how hard it can be sometimes to think straight.

Our approach to large decisions was to have a weekend away from the kids once or twice a year and reserve the second day for the "life decisions". Amazing how much easier contentious subjects seem if you're away from the coalface.

I can sympathise re holidays with kids not being restful - we're just back from Greece. An "interesting" holiday with a 2 yr old with chicken pox.

[The Masked Tulip]

Happened to my Dad, he didn't see it coming.

VMR.

Sorry to hear that. It is said that women often choose men who are like their dads. It is also true that men choose women who are like our mums. Not that I wish to break up your relationship, far from it, but just bear that in mind. Post back when you reach your golden wedding anniversary and tell us we were all wrong

[Lepista]

She's a keen gardener but there is no point when you are renting and can be kicked out at 2 months notice.

Just a couple of thoughts, could you

(a) Buy a little plot of land somewhere, maybe even just get an allotment for growing flowers/veggies?

( Maybe try and negotiate a long term lease? Just because you have a rolling contract @ the moment, if your L/L knows you're a good tenant they might be willing to sign up

[alwightchav!]

I thought marriage was a way for a woman to get a free house?

If were a chick I'd find me a nice rich 50 year old with a 5-bedroom house and screw him for everything he's got.

Gotta pop out a kid for it to work of course, but it's a lot more lucrative than going on the dole as far as kids for cash goes.

you cynical bastwood

[VeryMeanReversion]

Just a couple of thoughts, could you

(a) Buy a little plot of land somewhere, maybe even just get an allotment for growing flowers/veggies?

( Maybe try and negotiate a long term lease? Just because you have a rolling contract @ the moment, if your L/L knows you're a good tenant they might be willing to sign up

We tried a longer lease but the agent convinced the landlord to keep us on a rolling contract so we are stuck with the 2 months notice. (agent no longer in the picture). The landlord is great, things get fixed, serviced and repainted, rent hasnt gone up for 5 years, yields 2.5% at most.

Funnily enough, the local allotments were sold by the father of our landlord several years ago and has become a small housing estate.

All our plants are still in (BIG) pots from our last house. We needed a separate removal van for the garden! Even the relatives are looking after some for us although they are well rooted in by now.

VMR.

[huw]

Latest news is that we are seeing two properties this week, one with too small a garden and the other one with too much work needing doing to it so I hope it's a waste of time. Both would require ~ 2.5x mortgage and leave us £1k pcm worse off than we currently are. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Thought you were a cash buyer? Are you looking at bigger/better properties than you originally envisaged?

[amateursurgeon]

Man, you people have it all wrong.

It's the 21st Century.

The idea is you marry a woman with a stable job and more money than you. Isn't that what feminism is about?

My OH wants to buy a house, but seeing as she's sitting on the cash savings, and my credit record is trashed from a previous business business not working out, good luck to her, I'm happy to go with the flow.

Edited September 10, 2008 by amateursurgeon

[Guest X-QUORK]

Mrs VMR is not money minded in the slightest but just wants a house and has already waited 5 years, tough when you used to own a good house.

This calls for some graphic representation. Give her a £50 note and some matches, then tell her that buying now will be the same as setting light to many hundreds of £50 notes.

[VeryMeanReversion]

Thought you were a cash buyer? Are you looking at bigger/better properties than you originally envisaged?

Could get estate 4-bed detached for cash. Was hoping for a decent garden for the kids to run around and they go for about £100K higher.

VMR.

[VeryMeanReversion]

The idea is you marry a woman with a stable job and more money than you. Isn't that what feminism is about?

The Mrs's best friend just confessed to her boyfriend that she was about to buy a house with that rather than having a lot of savings, she will be lucky to get here debt down below £10k after selling the car. She is now driving around in his car.

He has his own flat, business and share in inherited property (that isn't selling). She brings the overdraft. Should cancel out nicely.

VMR.

[we the sheeple]

What's worse than losing money?

Losing BORROWED money.

[Venger]

Now the market has turned sour, when I mention to my girlfriend of trying to get a bargain, or contacting the EA, it is she which tells me to wait!

I hate to say this but your other half must be completely mad if they even would THINK about buying in this market!

6. Give her a really good long holiday (at least a month). It always makes things feel better for the next six!

Yet the market reinflated, and has been painfully hovering along at peaky prices for almost another 4 and a half years since this thread was started.

Elizabeth your suggestions were sound with renting, but still renting 4 years later, having done that for 4 years previously, pressures do build up when asking prices are around peak-ish levels. Done over by QE, 0.5% base rates, SMI.

And at HPC, almost every day, at least once a week, there are posts urging me to think about the people who bought around peak with big mortgages and the damage a crash would cause them. Relationship breakups, credit file damaged, bankruptcies.

Being told to put their interests before your own is right up there with Gordon of 2008/2009, in the crisis he led us saying 'markets need morals and markets should serve the public.' When markets are all about trying to be on the winning side as opposed to loss on a different side, sourcing and processing the best information to that end for making decisions, and about total self-interest.

Yes there are pressures on those homeowning big borrowers, but also on renter-savers trying to do the right thing. It might seem pathetic to put blame on long term renting for a breakup, but pressures all add up over time, when you had so many aspirations towards owning. Having worked and saved to that end, and held off from buying as the market bubbled ever higher. Against the backdrop of a market that's been so heavily propped up over the last 4 years, with little end in sight towards significant readjustment towards some value.

Yes, I put my own best interests above any over-leveraged debtor. Awful Easter weekend, but at least many big debtors, who rushed to buy because of all the reasons were told to have sympathy for, such as friends telling them houses only go up, haven't yet had to suffer changes in circumstances.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Venger

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

Chin-up V.

I'll go halves on a support group if you like.

[MrB]

Anyone else getting grief from the other half about not buying a house?

At this rate, I'm going to be a forced buyer. Either that or get CSA'd and end up living in a bedsit.

Must resist, must resist.....

VMR.

Lots of HPC heroes have fallen to to OH pressures, to be honest I find it quite funny! I especially love the U-turns regarding trends and analysis to add some quasi legitimacy to their decision, when it's pretty obvious there is a hen-pecked numpty with extra small gonads caving in to his missus...

With rental yields sometimes sub 3% on high end properties, the benefits of accessing decent residential areas (and their schools) make renting for me a better life decision (I have kids) and a better financial decision.

[Monkey]

Lots of HPC heroes have fallen to to OH pressures, to be honest I find it quite funny! I especially love the U-turns regarding trends and analysis to add some quasi legitimacy to their decision, when it's pretty obvious there is a hen-pecked numpty with extra small gonads caving in to his missus...

i do agree, i have managed to convince my G/F that buying in the forseeable future (unless something major happens in thw world/market to make it crash significantly) is not the right thing to do. its taken a couple of years to truely explain to her, and the fact that e have a substantial savings pot as well.

what got her really on side was the savigs pot TBH. it was/is there if we needed/wanted the money. we needed a second car due to her change in job, so i got the money out of savings, we have just moved and needed £1200 for deposit and rent, £600 for fridge and Dishwasher, £100 for new sideboard. etc plus other things. all in all we have spend about £5k in the last 2 months. if the money wasnt there, we would have had ot borrow it, and that would mean more to pay back. or we would not have bought everything, or to the quality we wanted.

its been nice for both of us to buy what we wanted and we knew we could afford it in cash (if you dont know i have a long post about me paying back alot of debt, and have never had savings before) yes that money if for a house deposit, at some point, but we are going to "enjoy" the money we can now.

[19 year mortgage 8itch]

Lest we forget, VMR did buy eventually and he is a born again bull.

[StainlessSteelCat]

Missus has been giving me grief about buying a house for 7 years. In that time she's been seriously ill, ended up working much less and eventually not at all. We've had been absolutely stuffed, in the early years at least, if we'd bought when she first said.

The flip side is that we can now buy without a mortgage and she doesn't have to work if she doesn't feel able to. We have also dodged the bullet a couple of times on what turned out to be wholly unsuitable houses in areas populated by roving thuggish scum (again ones she was very keen on).

I'll happily buy a house if I can find the right one at the right price. I am under no illusions that it is still a poor time to buy though.

Edited April 10, 2012 by StainlessSteelCat

[AThirdWay]

....when it's pretty obvious there is a hen-pecked numpty with extra small gonads caving in to his missus...

You must be a real joy to live with!

On the plus side, an unhappy missus is an opportunity for the rest of us to get some while your at work!

[VeryMeanReversion]

Wow, quite an old thread, brings back memories.

Lest we forget, VMR did buy eventually and he is a born again bull.

Not really, I think prices are going nowhere in nominal terms, inflation will take another 10-20% out of real prices.

After buying at the end of 2010, nothing else suitable has come up for sale in the villages we want to live in. Mortgage is still 2.19%, interest payments are about a quarter of our old rent.

I do seem to be spending an awful lot of time doing DIY and gardening. I've built a 600sqft garage in the last year to housing specs and will add another 600sqft to that so it can all be converted into accommodation for the kids to live in later on. Next step is to double the size of the house, this is looking much easier under the new planning regulations.

[VeryMeanReversion]

it's pretty obvious there is a hen-pecked numpty with extra small gonads caving in to his missus...

I wonder if there is an HPC on posting pictures to contest this.

With rental yields sometimes sub 3% on high end properties, the benefits of accessing decent residential areas (and their schools) make renting for me a better life decision (I have kids) and a better financial decision.

I was renting a £500K place for ~£1kpcm, an even lower yield than 3%. It was the best rental property in the village. However, with two kids in school, if the landlord would have wanted the house back then there were no other good rental properties. In my 40's with two young kids and £300K+ in the bank and eight years renting, it was just not worth waiting any more.

A house came up in cash-range with two thirds of an acre and outbuilding for conversion so I took it. I got a mortgage at 2.19% (HSBC) and kept much of the savings in NS&I (RPI+1%), a nice interest rate differential producing a tax-free £4K per year. Next job is extend my place to the same size as the neighbours, two of which have just sold for £600K and £700K.

I'm now protected from the money-printers.

[LiveAndLetBuy]

I wonder if there is an HPC on posting pictures to contest this.

I was renting a £500K place for ~£1kpcm, an even lower yield than 3%. It was the best rental property in the village. However, with two kids in school, if the landlord would have wanted the house back then there were no other good rental properties. In my 40's with two young kids and £300K+ in the bank and eight years renting, it was just not worth waiting any more.

A house came up in cash-range with two thirds of an acre and outbuilding for conversion so I took it. I got a mortgage at 2.19% (HSBC) and kept much of the savings in NS&I (RPI+1%), a nice interest rate differential producing a tax-free £4K per year. Next job is extend my place to the same size as the neighbours, two of which have just sold for £600K and £700K.

I'm now protected from the money-printers.

Reminds me of some friends who got a good deal renting in a village from a decent landlord. Unfortunately he passed away and his daughter gave them two months to leave as she wanted to cash in. Very difficult for them as they had 3 kids, 2 of them attending the local school. Fortunately they lucked out and were able to buy a nice house in the village at a "reasonable" price during the 2008/9 crash. But it was a bit of an eye opener for me. When it comes to living in a village there are far more risks associated with renting than many of us city dwellers realise.

[zebbedee]

Anyone else getting grief from the other half about not buying a house?

At this rate, I'm going to be a forced buyer. Either that or get CSA'd and end up living in a bedsit.

Must resist, must resist.....

VMR.

Jesus

Just rent a place with a patio, after 6 months move on, it'll be years before the find her.

[MrB]

I wonder if there is an HPC on posting pictures to contest this.

I was renting a £500K place for ~£1kpcm, an even lower yield than 3%. It was the best rental property in the village. However, with two kids in school, if the landlord would have wanted the house back then there were no other good rental properties. In my 40's with two young kids and £300K+ in the bank and eight years renting, it was just not worth waiting any more.

A house came up in cash-range with two thirds of an acre and outbuilding for conversion so I took it. I got a mortgage at 2.19% (HSBC) and kept much of the savings in NS&I (RPI+1%), a nice interest rate differential producing a tax-free £4K per year. Next job is extend my place to the same size as the neighbours, two of which have just sold for £600K and £700K.

I'm now protected from the money-printers.

I think as you gradually amass more money in the bank then it makes gradually more sense to buy. I'd probably be borrowing at around 4.75% ish, but only getting around 3.5% is post tax on savings so the pendulum does swing in favour of buying as your capital increases and your leverage reduces partly due to this arbitrage IMO.

Reminds me of some friends who got a good deal renting in a village from a decent landlord. Unfortunately he passed away and his daughter gave them two months to leave as she wanted to cash in. Very difficult for them as they had 3 kids, 2 of them attending the local school. Fortunately they lucked out and were able to buy a nice house in the village at a "reasonable" price during the 2008/9 crash. But it was a bit of an eye opener for me. When it comes to living in a village there are far more risks associated with renting than many of us city dwellers realise.

I guess it's a risk/reward conundrum. I'm aware of families who have STR, to rent in a better area to get their kids into a decent school. But you're right - there are 0 othe rrentals in my area.

[Spoony]

My ex and I split up about 2 weeks ago. We argued a lot generally but one of the things that really were the worst arguements was about house prices. A typical snippet from one:

Her: "You've been saying for 10 years that prices will crash"

Me: " They have crashed"

Her: "No they haven't"

Me "Yes they did, in 2007 and going lower still now"

Her " Well they haven't in St Albans"

Me: "Thats because its overpriced due to London, places away from London are still going down"

Her: "Well I suppose if you keep saying it will crash for long enough, one day you will be right"

Me: "(Fuming!) You have no idea really at all. One of these days you will see what I mean and come around to reality and the fact I was right all along. You need to read some articles online."

Her: "You can't get a better investment than a house if you have spare cash, look at all the rent you'll get instead of it sitting in the bank. I've advised my cousin (who has lots of money) to invest in housing.

Me: "Sit down, do the sums and work out the yield, it really is not worth the hassle. Money is better in the bank. (Angry here) Its people like you who got the country into the state it is today speculating with housing and watching too much property porn"

Her: "Why are you so angry all the time, you used to be so fun and now its all doom and gloom, you hate banks, builders, the government, the bank of england, councils, estate agents, mervyn king, in fact nearly everyone. Don't you think you could be wrong about this?"

Me; "Of course not"

Her: "Thats right, EVERYONE is wrong - you are right!"

Me: "You make it sound like I am the only person with these views, I tell you I'm not. As I say, forget your ideas forced into you by the mainstream media and do some research, theres plenty of it out there and use your common sense.......

I could go on but you get the general idea. Do you think I'm best off out of it!>>!??! She probably would have taken half my house anyway. I think the best idea is to find a girl who already has a house these days so you are on an equal footing.

This is a typical example of probably not to handle a girls nesting instinct but then again we never communicated well anyway when she got in that kind of mood. And an example of the damage high house prices cause relationships.

Lots of HPC heroes have fallen to to OH pressures, to be honest I find it quite funny! I especially love the U-turns regarding trends and analysis to add some quasi legitimacy to their decision, when it's pretty obvious there is a hen-pecked numpty with extra small gonads caving in to his missus...

No small gonads over here. She was a big control freak at times but I wouldn't cave in over housing or most other things.

Edited April 11, 2012 by Spoony

[Paddles]

We have three kids under 6 and my missus isn't putting me under any pressure for us to stop renting.

In fact, last month she started looking wistfully at a rather nice catamaran currently up for sale with the thought that we could live on board for a year or two and then use the saved rent to fund a two year circumnavigation.

I guess I married well......