interestrateripoff Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/kristen-stewart-writes-worst-poem-of-all-time-9121635.html My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole, By Kristen Stewart"I reared digital moonlight/ You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black/ Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen/ Thrown down to strafe your foothills/ …I’ll suck the bones pretty. Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps/ Spray painted everything known to man/ Stream rushed through and all out into/ Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck/ Through our windows boarded up/ He hit your flint face and it sparked. And I bellowed and you parked/ We reached Marfa/ One honest day up on this freedom pole/ Devils not done digging/ He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle/ And this pining erosion is getting dust in/ My eyes/ And I’m drunk on your morsels/ And so I look down the line/ Your every twitch hand drum salute/ Salutes mine." Quality.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvidFan Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Vogon poetry generator: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml Here's my effort: See, see the Uncompromising sky Marvel at its big Puke Green depths. Tell me, Keith do you Wonder why the Warthog ignores you? Why its foobly stare makes you feel Irritable. I can tell you, it is Worried by your Squirmish facial growth That looks like A Cheese Sandwich. What's more, it knows Your Fledbogs potting shed Smells of unripened tomato. Everything under the big Uncompromising sky Asks why, why do you even bother? You only charm Ransid cat foods. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrIrcV9Bgmc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Bear Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/kristen-stewart-writes-worst-poem-of-all-time-9121635.html Quality.... Prime candidate for Private Eye"s Pseuds' Corner, methinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissy_fit Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hmm, I suspect that little miss of having a sense of humour. If not, then she is a desperately sad individual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC1 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Vogon poetry generator: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml Haha! I was going to say that it reminds me of computer generated BS prose - someone posted a link here recently to a generator for poncy post-modern academic twaddle, and I have to say, the results were remarkably convincing! (unlike this poem) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juvenal Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Kristen - give up the scribbling And stick to the acting instead We don't want such daft verbal dribbling Keep that nonsense tucked up in your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reck B Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I think this one is pretty bad Konnie Huq !I'd like to crash My yoghurt truck inside your gash. Toilet Wall, Exeter 2013. Actually on reflection, that flows rather nicely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy T Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Kristen - give up the scribbling And stick to the acting instead We don't want such daft verbal dribbling Keep that nonsense tucked up in your head. She's just as bad at the acting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ayatollah Buggeri Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 An actress made famous for shagging Whose scandal had gossip mags gagging Then tried to write verse With results that were worse And not just her underwear sagging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dances with sheeple Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Kristen, you were pretty good in Panic Room But then you grew up far too soon And your acting didn`t go to the moon It went down to the porcelain room Twilight really was shite Some of the worst shite I have seen on any night I wished I had my very own little panic room, or that the movie would end real soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissy_fit Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 To be fair, Twiglet was sh1te because the book was sh1te, she wasn't responsible for that. I forced myself to read some in the hope of gaining insight into adolescent thinking and was quite disturbed by it at the time. Badly written trash that encourages girls to imagine there is something fabulous and special about themselves when they are self-centred, lazy and talentless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dances with sheeple Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 To be fair, Twiglet was sh1te because the book was sh1te, she wasn't responsible for that. I forced myself to read some in the hope of gaining insight into adolescent thinking and was quite disturbed by it at the time. Badly written trash that encourages girls to imagine there is something fabulous and special about themselves when they are self-centred, lazy and talentless. There is more substance in a box of Twiglets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DTMark Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 She must be a Vogon. P She is Paula Nancy Millstone-Jennings and I claim my £5. Yes, I know the name quoted was changed in some versions. Perhaps after said Paula took offence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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