THE MONKEY

mortgage And a new record: Most users ever online was 619 on Apr 19 2005, 08:22 AM

Dog, the Monkey notes your in-depth knowledge of the stages of syphilis with interest. Is your strudel over-crusty?

mortgage Did somebody say catchy slogans? The Great One is in the house, baby! http://saymail.sympatico.ca/service/Retrie...V2rg9Ciexo27u8G

Thanks for your support.

mortgage Thank you Topher bear, at least someone smells what the Monkey is cooking.

Done

"Mortgage" got over a million hits!

Consa, I think that when trying to get into the head of an average first-time buyer with a rosy view of the housing market, you first have to remove your brain. We all know what a mortgage calculator is because we would want to know what our repayments are. Try and imagine someone who just wants to find the lender who will lend them as much money as possible for that 100% mortgage and hasn't considered repayments.

The Monkey's reason for using the term "mortgage" would be that the first-time buyers we are trying to target are those who are uneducated re. the housing market and are thus trying to get a mortgage. Giraffe Cat, can you decide what we should do and then post what we need to copy and paste? The Monkey will then start a fresh thread about it if you like and pin it.

Consa - the Monkey mis-read the figures earlier and edited his post. How about going for just "mortgage"? This would surely keep it simple and effective.

Apologies Consa, the Monkey mis-read the figures and edited his post above. So is "mortgage" the term to go for?

Consa, although you have been a proper jabroni this week, keeping the Monkey police busy with minor offences when he has had real criminals to catch, the Monkey has to give credit where credit is due.

Giraffe Cat - can we do phrases or does it have to be 1 word?

The Monkey still thinks that "mortgage" is the Money Shot - the cream on top of the strudel so to speak. It's what the type of first-time buyer we are seeking to influence will be searching for. We don't need to influence the ones who don't want a mortgage.

Yes but the first-time buyers on here are a specific, very small subpoulation of first-time buyers. If you post on this site, you are already well informed about the housing market. What about the thousands and thousands of other first-time buyers who worship Kirsty and Phil?

What you must remember is that what is important is WHAT FIRST-TIME BUYERS PUT IN GOOGLE, not what the general poulation put in google. This is a specific sub-population we are interested in and we need to get inside their heads.

The Monkey thanks you but the hard work is all that of other people like Giraffe Cat. The trouble is that they are just everyday jabronis and don't have the star power of the Great One. It takes someone like the Monkey with millions and millions of fans to get the message across to the masses. The Monkey is a bit like Max Clifford, but good looking, charismatic, idolised and with a big strudel.

Now you are smelling what the Monkey is cooking. Also, based on what you have said, perhaps "mortgage" should be the prime search term?

Finally the Monkey has come back to HPC to ask for the help of the people. The Monkey says this. A member of this site, Warks Lad, has set up a fantastic site which will educate first-time buyers re. the truth about the housing market. You can see it here: http://www.firsttimebuyerhelp.co.uk/ Many of us believe that by educating first-time buyers, we are not only preventing them from making a terrible financial mistake but will also speed up the crash too. A win-win situation. The trouble is that not many first-time buyers know that this site exists. This is the science part. A member on here called Giraffe Cat is a bit of a computer whizz-kid jabroni and has found that if we all copy and paste certain code into our signatures then the following will happen. When somebody does a google search for a certain term such as "mortgages", one of the results will be the first-time buyer site. The code can be really small so you can't even read it in the signature but the important thing is that it is there. Now don't go doing anything yet. When the time is right, Giraffe Cat will tell all of us exactly how to do it. What we need from you now is a list of search terms that you think first-time buyers will put into Google. It is also really important that you list the terms in order of importance with the most important first. Let the Monkey start the ball rolling: mortgages houses house house prices loans rightmove The Monkey thanks the people in anticipation of their response.

Don't forget to spread great news like this around the web wherever you can!

You will find that primates with 60% extra strudel free will always have offers of marriage. Not really , no. Mrs. Monkey once pulled the Great One up on something she saw him type on here about pie. The Monkey tried to explain to Mrs. Monkey how "the Monkey" is a character with certain traits and mannerisms which must be upheld for the entertainment of his millions and millions of fans. He also tried to explain how the Monkey character is not truly representative of the man behind the Monkey. She just gave the Monkey a look that the Monkey would give a jabroni like Negative Equity. After that, the Monkey thought it best not to mention his strudel if he wanted to keep it. Anyway, we are digressing. To make up for it, the Monkey will take a copy of the seller's leaflet home to critique when he is sitting on his marble throne.

Finally the Troll has come back to HPC!

Gal Bear, please don't mention your "hot little paw". The Monkey is getting married in 2 weeks you little minx! Down Gal Bear!

Gal Bear, this is only a first draft. The Monkey suggests that you wait for the final version before posting.