THE MONKEY

Strudel sucking?

It fooled Bruno / Bill / Patrick. Go here and scroll down until you see the first post in bold. http://www.serioustopics.com/forumviewthread.php?threadid=1

The Monkey is back on here because some jabroni mentioned his name! Just like a genie in a lamp, when the Great One's name is spoken, then the Most Electrifying Homeowner in House Price Forums today will appear! You know you love it! This site is nothing without the Monkey - the only time it gets any hits is when the Great One is here. As regards DIY - don't be stupid jabroni! DIY is beneath a mega-star like the Monkey - thats why he bought a new-build, already decorated by some jabroni-renters. Why do something yourself when you can pay a renter peanuts to do it for you? Now if that is all, the Monkey needs to get back to his friends at Channel 4 Homes.

Stop writing the Monkey love songs you sick freak! How many times does the Monkey have to say it - he is a pie-sexual - that means no strudel, jabroni! Only pie!

RFD - it would be much easier if you just admited the truth - you are one of the millions and millions of the Great One's fans and now he owns a house, you have to own one too. The Monkey understands. It's just like when you used to send the Great one emails, asking him where you could buy replica Monkey sunglassess (it goes without saying that you couldn't afford million dollar designer glasses like the Great One) and where the Monkey bought his clothes (it also goes without saying that they wouldn't even let you in the shops that the Monkey frequents). There's no shame in wanting to be like the Great One, jabroni. Now do you smell what the Monkey is cooking?

Finally the Monkey has come back to the temple of Doom and Gloom. Of course the Monkey didn't go down fighting jabroni, why would you fight the chance to own a house?

Right Fred's Dead and Dipstick are just two of the millions and millions of the Monkey's fans who miss the Great One so much that they will buy a house so that they can join the Monkey in the green and pleasant land that is Channel 4 Homes.

I have made a few posts on the Channel 4 forum but these will be few and far between. I made one to wind people on here up and another which was a genunine homeowner question. As to why we bought, We put our lives on hold for 4 years by saving every penny we earned and living in an absolute sh** hole. We couldn't take living there anymore. Our ideal house in our ideal location came up at a price we could now afford due to our deposit and prices having dropped a bit. We want to start a family soon. I hope people don't think I'm really a judas. I hope people can see that although you can wait for house prices to drop, you can also make sacrifices and move your deposit up at a faster rate, although i realise that for many people this is still not enough.

I will be moving to a new job soon where I won't be able to come on here anyway. But it is proving harder to stay away when I thought. Playing the evil Monkey is like when you were a kid and wanted to be Darth Vader. The trouble is I start winding people up and then chicken out - I know from being a moderator that not everyone on here is the full ticket!

Actually, in all seriousness I have effectively left this forum. I just couldnt resist doing the Channel 4 thing and winding people up.

In response to your first point, the Monkey will explain why in true wrestling tradition he is not gone for good: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_...etirement_Match In response to your second point - just look at your picture jabroni! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?...i&defid=1184851

The Monkey will break from his new evil Monkey persona for one second and say "thanks very much". The Monkey will now break back into character. It doesn't matter what you think jabroni!

No jabroni. The Monkey has bought a 3 bed detached newbuild in an area of the country he has always wanted to live but never thought he could afford to live. Furthermore, it is in the most sought after location within said area. It may be a newbuilld but is from a quality builder and has a 10 year guarantee. The Monkey also managed to knock 10k off the asking price. If house prices fell so much that the Monkey's house was worth 10p next year, he wouldnt care. He is happy to stay in this house for life. So, in answer to your question, jabroni. No the Monkey isn't worried. Now stop bothering the Monkey jabroni! He needs to go speak to his friends on Channel 4 Homes about washer-dryers and tell them what a bunch of doom mongers you all are: http://community.channel4.com/groupee/foru...41/m/7430040713

Now do you smell what the Monkey is cooking?

The Monkey's leaving was not a fake ritual - he is as good as gone. The only reason he has had to return temporarily is because the jabronis on this site don't know their roles. They should be adding replies to the Monkey's leaving thread on an hourly basis, saying how sad they are that the Monkey is gone and how they wish they owned property like him. The Monkey's leaving thread should be kept at the top of the discussion list at all times for at least the next 50 years jabronis! If the Monkey was still a moderator, he'd pin it. Go here jabronis and tell the Great One how great he is! http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...topic=15340&hl=

OK, OK, OK jabronis. Now the Monkey knows that he said he would never post on this joke of a site again but The Monkey does what he damn well pleases, so... Finally the Monkey has come back to HPC to say that the most electrifying news in house price forums this year is that the Monkey bought a house. Read it and weep jabroni: http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...topic=15340&hl=

THANK YOU EVERYBODY. GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK.

Adam, what a great send off! Thanks very much.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words. It sounds like there is a chance that my retirement thread will return, so I may be able to make a few more posts as the Evil Monkey. With regards my new house, it is a newbuild, it really is in one of Phil and Kirsty's top 10 places to live in the UK, I managed to knock 10k off the asking price, and we've fixed the mortgage for 5 years, so I'm reasonably happy. With regards posting again, I don't feel that I've ever contributed anything intellectual to this site but rather tried to rally people into action or provide some entertainment. I feel that now I am a homeowner, the Monkey can no longer be the People's Champion wanting a house price crash and that at the same time, the new Evil Monkey has a limited shelf life and I would only want to limit his posts to one thread. It just feels like it is the right time to go. Once again, thanks for your kind words and hopefully the Evil Monkey will return for a few more posts. Don't get too angry!

Finally, the Monkey will make his last ever post on this site. Finally, ..... I am speaking in the first person. I am the man behind the Monkey character. Although I still believe that house prices will fall, personal circumstances and the fact that my wife and I have saved a sizeable deposit by never going out or spending any money for 3 years means that for us, now is the right time to buy a house. It might not be the best time financially but it is the best time for us. Over the 2 years of posting and (6 months of moderating) on this site I have realised that although there are quite a few psychos on this site, there are also a lot of nice people on this site, people like the Webmaster, Bubble Pricker, Adam Bear, Charlie the Tramp, Wrongmove, Bullish Bear, Libitina, Gal Bear and many, many more. I know there are many people I haven't mentioned but rest assured I have enjoyed your posts and learned a lot about the housing market and finance in general. Although many people have been annoyed by the Monkey character over the last 2 years, I would like to think that he also entertained a lot of people. As you all know, I am a big fan of American wrestling. The greatest wrestler of all time, Ric Flair, said that to be a great wrestler, you had to be able to play both a "face" (wrestling good guy) and "heel" (wrestling bad guy). I therefore thought it would be funny that for my last ever thread, I would bring the Monkey back as an evil homeowner to see people's reactions. I even wrote to the moderators first, telling them that I would do this, that I would post on that one thread only and that they should remove my moderator status. I am glad that many of you found my "retirement" thread funny but unbelievably, many people took it seriously and became very angry. I assume it is for this reason that the thread has been deleted. I am quite sad about this as I wanted the Monkey to go out in a blaze of glory, instead of this damp squib. I would hope that the thread has been made invisible rather than deleted and that if so, it could be returned and left somewhere for posperity. However, if it has been deleted, then never mind. Anyway, all the best. I must confess that I have no great sympathy for STRs although they seem like nice people. But I do hope that all you first-time buyers priced out of the market manage to buy a house at a price affordable to you. if that means that the price of my new house has to fall substantially, then so be it. Once again, goodbye to all the nice people on this site. The Monkey has left the building. Now do you smell what the Monkey was cooking? Do_You_Smell_What_the_Monkey_is_Cooking.mp3 Do_You_Smell_What_the_Monkey_is_Cooking.mp3

Well the Monkey thought you meant his super-sized strudel, baby!

The point that Hometrack made recently - that the Nationwide and Halifax indices are flawed.

You are such a jabroni. And don't compliment the Monkey again, jabroni. If people think that you are a friend of the Monkey's, then the great One will instantly lose 1 million cool points, taking his cool rating down to a mere "Super-Cool".

Apology accepted - the Monkey was not offended as he knew that you could not be serious about having a strudel bigger than his.

If ever any proof was neeeded, here is a thread from February: http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...wtopic=5935&hl= It appears that Bill / Bruno is currently in the bear phase of his own boom bust cycle. Look for him to meamorphasise into an STR-hating bull soon.