Wednesday, April 2, 2008

THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King’s Purse has warned.

WHEAT PRICE INCREASE FORETELLS GREAT DOOM

Sir Mervyne said a rise in the price of wheat would force up the rates of the money changers and plunge those squires who had foolishly bought their castles at inflated prices into penury and destitution. He added: “And those knaves who have speculatively bought so many castles purely to rent out to others, against the teachings of the Holy Book, verily I say, in God’s name they will be cast down into the fires of hell to burn for ever and ever. Amen.”

Posted by planning4acrash @ 10:54 PM (548 views)
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7 thoughts on “THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King’s Purse has warned.

  • Please moderate this rubbish.

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  • pork underbellies have risen too recently

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  • waiting for the crash says:

    Brilliant!

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  • planning4acrash says:

    A related article:

    BRITAIN ADVISED TO FILL UP ON BREAD

    THE Bank of England is advising Britain to fill up on bread and make tea with their own urine after new warnings of an economic slump. And think yourself lucky
    Mother’s Pride consumed with tap water or a thin gruel provides good bulk and will relieve hunger pains for up to six hours, the Bank said.

    Wholemeal will provide a greater feeling of fullness for longer with fewer slices, however it is more expensive and should be reserved for birthdays and weddings.

    Mervyn King, the Bank governor, said the global economy, “is going down the turd-funnel – sharpish”, but warned against ciabatta and focaccia which he said were full of hot air and holes.

    “The price of foreign bread is unsustainable. Meanwhile some spic in a caff that stinks of fat wants an Ayrton for a fucking sandwich which doesn’t even fill you up? Maybe if I got to sleep with his daughter as well. I could get four pie meals with mash and liquor for that. Sesame seeds? They go right through me.”

    The Bank also wants households to limit themselves to one toilet flush per day and recommends families draw lots for the first and last expulsion.

    And it is urging people to avoid expensive kettle boiling by making tea and coffee with their own urine. “It’s steaming hot and produced within a body powered purely by bread. What more do people need?” the Bank said.

    Alistair Darling, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, added: “Has anyone got any handy-wipes?”

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  • waiting for the crash says:

    An ungodly scurge is falling upon these lands of ours. Ye all has been lead by such greed and want to lead men to such rack and ruin. Ye poor house awaits many of these fallen souls. Amen!

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  • Bertie Bunfest says:

    These articles are out of date.

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  • European-bear says:

    I think we need to take out loans to buy bread and then rent the bread out to those who cannot afford to buy….I am sure the banks would give a loan on a worthless asett such as stale half eaten bread….In addition apart from the possible speculative gains we could enjoy, those poor fools who were not able to get on the bread ladder in time, would get subsidised bread from their breadlord.

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