Saturday, March 29, 2008

Listen to Melissa

Fame and Fortune: Melissa Porter

"My worst buy was a Range Rover I bought for £50,000 and later sold for £36,000" but "I've just bought a flat in Holland Park for £600,000 and I think I'll double my money in five months" and "Do you invest in anything else other than property? Yes, I have just started investing in art... I'm spreading my risk in property, art and also I'm thinking about wine. The art dealer I use really knows his onions" Wine and onions on canvas, whatever... I just love her!

Posted by confused76 @ 08:03 PM (2156 views)
Please complete the required fields.



29 thoughts on “Listen to Melissa

  • japanese uncle says:

    Fine arts is to this woman what pearls are to swine.

    Fine arts are not for owning, but appreciating.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Clearly intent on blowing all Daddy’s money.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • I’m a p1ss artist,can you invest in some of my work?

    Urinal stains on litmus paper is my latest masterpiece.It’s gotta be worth a few quid if tracy emin can do a bed with used condoms on it

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Confused, this is property comedy at its best !

    “I think I learned that putting money into houses is a great piggybank – it’s like a personal savings account because the money grows”

    – no chance that the value of your “investment” could fall as well as rise and that you might get back less than your original capital – of course I forgot this doesnt apply to property which as an “investment” is unregulated.

    “I’ve just bought a flat in Holland Park for £600,000 and I think I’ll double my money in five months”

    – well to do that you really need to add 2 coats of Dulux magnolia on a good quality lining paper, enure that the flat is constantly filled with the aroma of fresh coffee and add a gold toilet roll holder to the proceedings.

    As for the investment portfolio – Property, Art & Wines – all very illiquid (no pun intented) assets in a recession – lets hope daddy has plenty money to bail this girl out because she’ll potentially be facing bankruptcy in 18 months time !

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • little professor says:

    She looks well fit tho:

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Er… who is Melissa Porter?

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • I love her!

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Gone To Colombia says:

    oh how I hate such vile smug and vulgar people.
    I cannot wait to hear of her personal house(flat)pricecrash.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • I mean… had she been able to sell a used Range Rover for a capital profit she would be a total genius!
    However, she is absolutely gorgeous

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • I d trust her… I d trust her…

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • it_is_going_with_a_bang says:

    well having just forked out that money on property she had better keep to the story line.
    I’ll double my money in 6 months.
    Stupid woman.
    She will learn.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Gone To Colombia says:

    Be kind,

    after all acording to her own web site she is ´´a property expert´´

    This has to mean she knows what she´s doing, doesn´t it?

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • japanese uncle says:

    I am afraid posing on the sofa like this does the trick. Look at her neck which clearly shows redundancy. Doesn’t look too fit.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Sofa – it’s a genuine Chez Long – she borrowed a bit extra on the interest only mortgage over 40 years to buy it – perfectly situated in her £600k flat it will help triple the value in 12 months time Kirsty told her so it must be true.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • How to be a Spendthrift and not be a Spendthrift :

    “I’ve been really shrewd, done a lot of legwork and found a really crappy property in the best part of town.”

    “I like to share good investment decisions without giving too much away.”

    “My HSBC debit card. I have a Mastercard, but I prefer debit cards.”

    and so on……………………….

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Peter Kiddle says:

    A very silly little girl.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • “The really good thing about my Dad is he always dealt in cash”

    I bet he’s over the moon with that comment,he’s probably got the tax man knocking his door as I type!!!!

    “And I’ve joined a consortium fund with other investors to buy a plot of land in Whitechapel where we will develop 14 flats.”

    Opp’s oh well

    I with confused & little prof , mark’s out of two , I’d give er one !!!!!

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Landedgentry says:

    Art investment on the brink of a recession.

    I pick up dumb gullible chicks like these on alternate weekends.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Go and take a look at her official site, it’s fantastic. “Melissa owns a property renovation company, Porter & Smurfit, with Charlie Smurfit and the diligent duo provide a complete bespoke design and renovation service to discerning clients.”

    And in October 2007 she hosted the “Manchester Evening News Residential Property Awards”. I wonder if they’ll bother with the 2008 ceremony?

    I guess a HPC is going to hit some harder than others!!!!

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • What a stupid cow!

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • What I find astounding is the weight of her legs and bottom .
    Why is the padding on the long chair so compressed ?
    It’s as if it’s made from some kind of cheap foam padding , Or she has heavy feet .

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • An Bearin Bui says:

    She more or less embodies the term “financial moron”:

    On investing in shares: “No. To me that’s like playing roulette – I don’t get it. I know that may sound strange given that I am prepared to take risks, but I only do that with what I can understand” – yes, you and your tiny little brain should stick to buying plots of land in Whitechapel and 600k flats that you plan to have double in value in six months – that’s all totally risk-free investment…

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Pooingmyself says:

    Every woman sits on a fortune

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Last_days_of_disco says:

    She is just an awesome babe. No matter how wrong she is.

    Beautiful women have this great advantage over men, they can be completely wrong but we still can’t resist them.

    Haha, I can’t help wishing her every success, yeah I know its irrational.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • last_days_of_disco says:

    She is just an awesome babe. No matter how wrong she is. Sounds like great fun!

    Beautiful women have this great advantage over men, they can be completely wrong but we still can’t resist them.

    Haha, I can’t help wishing her every success, yeah I know its irrational. She is such a character, wanted to call her company “Luck b*tch”.

    Hahaha, she is delightful.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • mark wadsworth says:

    Isn’t that Angelina Jolie?

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • Confused trust me – she doesnt look that good first thing in the morning – well not from the waist up anyway.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



  • new user 2007 says:

    “I have never allowed myself to leave a credit card balance unpaid in full – my bank manager loves me.”

    le is quite boring and pointless. But this comment sticks out as (one of many) why no one should be getting advice from her…..bank managers love people who can pay but don’t pay, otherwise the bank does not make any money and the card is just a cost.

    Reply
    Please complete the required fields.



Add a comment

  • Your email address is required so we can verify that the comment is genuine. It will not be posted anywhere on the site, will be stored confidentially by us and never given out to any third party.
  • Please note that any viewpoints published here as comments are user´s views and not the views of HousePriceCrash.co.uk.
  • Please adhere to the Guidelines

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>