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Millionaire Spooked From Mansion


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Nah, BBC hacks were just making hay out of my recent BankBusters gags.

BankBusters 3

Chapter 1 Scene 5

Day.

University of New York main square The BankBusters are disconsolate at being eject by Dean Yaeger.

VENKMAN "Let me tell you, Ray, everything in life happens for a reason. Call it fate, call it luck, Karma, whatever. I think we were destined to get kicked out of this joint

STANTZ "For what purpose?"

VENKMAN "To go into business for ourselves."

STANTZ "I don't know. That costs money. And the debt containment system we have in mind will require a load of bread to capitalize. Where would we get the money?"

Chapter 1 Scene 6

Day. The BankBusters emerge from a Wall Street lending instutuion. Ironic, huh?

VENKMAN " You'll never regret this, Ray."

STANTZ "My parents left me that house, I was born there."

VENKMAN "You're not going to lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages these days."

STANTZ "But at nineteen percent interest you didn't even bargain with the guy."

SPENGLER "Ray, just for your information, the interest payments alone for the first five years come to over $75,000.

VENKMAN "Will you guys relax? We are on the threshold of establishing the indispensable financial science of the next decade: Professional Credit Default Investigations and Eliminations. The franchise rights alone will make us wealthy beyond your wildest dreams."

Chapter 2 scene 7

Evening.

Location: A Wall Street Financial Institution.

VENKMAN "WE CAME WE SAW WE KICKED ITS ASS!"

INVESTMENT BANKER "What was it? Will there be any more of them?"

STANTZ "Sir, what you had there was what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm or a Class Five Full Roaming Credit Default Swap. ... A real nasty one, too."

Day.

Location: Large Hadron Collider.

The BankBusters are trying to contain the financial crisis.

SPENGLER "Wait! Wait! There's something I forgot to tell you. Don't cross the streamers"

VENKMAN "Why not?"

STANTZ "Don't cross the streams"

SPENGLER "That would be bad"

VENKMAN "I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"?

SPENGLER"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every dollar in your wallet exploding at the speed of light"

STANTZ "Global systemic meltdown"

VENKMAN "Right, that's bad. Okay, alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon."

Chapter 3 Scene 5

STANTZ "How's the grid holding up?

SPENGLER "I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there. And all my recent data points to something big on the horizon"

WINSTON "What do you mean "big?"

SPENGLER "Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of financial default risk in the New York area. According to this morning's greeks, the current level in the city would be a Twinkie 35 feet long weighing approximately six hundred pounds."

WINSTON "That's a big Twinkie."

Chapter 7

Evening

Jekyll Island

"Lets show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown" (Kirstie, are you reading this?)

PS any journos reading I'll happily tweak the script if you can kind a cartoonist for a daily strip. When I grew up my parents couldn't afford a video recorder for a long time so when Ghostbusters came on TV we taped it using the tape recorder I used with my ZX Spectrum. Over-compensating for the lack of a video player me and my brothers used to do our homework listening to the Ghostbusters movie among others so it kind of got ingrained. Sad I know, but at least the experiences serve a comic purpose 25 years later.

To hell with it, I'm gonna rewrite the Ghostbusters script for the Credit Crunch and send to Ramis and Ackroyd. There are so many obvious parallels. I know they were trying to come up with a script for Ghostbusters 3 maybe the original can be rewritten to portray all of HPC's hate figures as evil spirits hell bent of destruction and domination; from Rothschilds right through to the BTLers.

Edited by Dave Spart
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