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Converted Lurker

Best Property 'put Downs', Sharpen Your Wits

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Just Yield's "You did buy in 1997 didn't you?" Ouch!! gave me an idea and reminded me of something similar (albeit spontaneous) that happened to me recently. Can we use this thread for put downs/one liners?

Anyhow, picked my lad up from a party a month or so back. Approaching the 15 bed mansion up the gravel path I felt really under dresed in my 'scruffs'. Anyhow guy invites me in, begins to tell me (umprompted) that the house was split into 5 houses/flats. Shame says I "Was hoping you had a fit daughter and she liked me lad"....quite... Then preceeds to tell me that they're moving out into the place that they're just finishing off/having built; bought a derelict house in 2005, demolished it and have had dream house built, tells me this with big grin on face. I must have looked genuinely shocked and spontaneously put my hand on his shoulder, in a manner not seen since our priest put his hand on my shoulder at my Mum's funeral, and said "never mind, timing can be a ba5tard sometimes eh?" :)

Edited by Converted Lurker

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I must have looked genuinely shocked and spontaneously put my hand on his shoulder, in a manner not seen since our priest put his hand on my shoulder at my Mum's funeral, and said "never mind, timing can be a ba5tard sometimes eh?" :)

Come 2012 you're not going to have any friends whatsoever, are you?

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"You did buy in 1997 didn't you?"

All round, anytime put-downer on property show-offs :-

Look 'em in the eye with a completely expressionless face and say,

"And you did this with your own money, did you ?"

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I'm just going to echo back what they kept repeating for years & years. Just so I can enjoy the look on their faces when they hear how hollow, and meaningless the words sound...........

Nervermind..... you are in it for the long run right?????

Property only ever goes up...... in the long term

There is a shortage of supply and a massive demand........

Sweet God I loove every oportunity I get to drop one of those dead fishy stinking turd-lines into someone ear.

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Come 2012 you're not going to have any friends whatsoever, are you?

good point TBH if they're property obsessed bores then no, but my proper mates are more bohemian/accidental capitalists. :) Back on thread, give us a put down or get off the thread...

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I'm just going to echo back what they kept repeating for years & years. Just so I can enjoy the look on their faces when they hear how hollow, and meaningless the words sound...........

Nervermind..... you are in it for the long run right?????

Property only ever goes up...... in the long term

There is a shortage of supply and a massive demand........

Sweet God I loove every oportunity I get to drop one of those dead fishy stinking turd-lines into someone ear.

Buying is dead money :)

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HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY YOUR PROPERTY PORTFOLIO WAS WORTH AGAIN???

perfect for those dinner party conversations)

Edited by oracle

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Buying is dead money :)

I saw a client last week that came to me in May 2007 with a £200k inheritance. Against my advice he bought a property to 'do up' and sell. At our recent meeting we discussed the property and it is now valued at around £150k.

'Bet you wish you had taken my advice now' I said

'It will be worth a lot more than I bought it for in 20 years' he said

'Maybe' I said ' but you could have bought it today for £150k and had 50k spare change. What could you have bought for £50k today that you don't have now'

'I told you we should have taken his advice' said his wife

The meeting went downhill after that.

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I saw a client last week that came to me in May 2007 with a £200k inheritance. Against my advice he bought a property to 'do up' and sell. At our recent meeting we discussed the property and it is now valued at around £150k.

'Bet you wish you had taken my advice now' I said

'It will be worth a lot more than I bought it for in 20 years' he said

'Maybe' I said ' but you could have bought it today for £150k and had 50k spare change. What could you have bought for £50k today that you don't have now'

'I told you we should have taken his advice' said his wife

The meeting went downhill after that.

Heh heh, nice one... but surely the idea is to keep clients? :lol:

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I saw a client last week that came to me in May 2007 with a £200k inheritance. Against my advice he bought a property to 'do up' and sell. At our recent meeting we discussed the property and it is now valued at around £150k.

'Bet you wish you had taken my advice now' I said

'It will be worth a lot more than I bought it for in 20 years' he said

'Maybe' I said ' but you could have bought it today for £150k and had 50k spare change. What could you have bought for £50k today that you don't have now'

'I told you we should have taken his advice' said his wife

The meeting went downhill after that.

:lol::lol:

Does he not realise that pretty much everything will cost more than it does now in nominal terms in 20 years? At least he bought it cash and isn't risking negative equity though. Still, the things I would do with £50k.

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HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY YOUR PROPERTY PORTFOLIO WAS WORTH???

No punchline oracle! Please, allow me:

HPCer <almost disinterested> : "How much did you say your property portfolio was worth?"

Bull : "£x..xK

HPCer <almost disinterested>: "And what about now?"

Edited by Sledgehead

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Sorry Mr Mosely - the girls are fully booked for that week!

DAMN! It doesn't have to be facist, have you got any that do Gulag-themed S&M?

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Just Yield's "You did buy in 1997 didn't you?" Ouch!! gave me an idea and reminded me of something similar (albeit spontaneous) that happened to me recently. Can we use this thread for put downs/one liners?

Anyhow, picked my lad up from a party a month or so back. Approaching the 15 bed mansion up the gravel path I felt really under dresed in my 'scruffs'. Anyhow guy invites me in, begins to tell me (umprompted) that the house was split into 5 houses/flats. Shame says I "Was hoping you had a fit daughter and she liked me lad"....quite... Then preceeds to tell me that they're moving out into the place that they're just finishing off/having built; bought a derelict house in 2005, demolished it and have had dream house built, tells me this with big grin on face. I must have looked genuinely shocked and spontaneously put my hand on his shoulder, in a manner not seen since our priest put his hand on my shoulder at my Mum's funeral, and said "never mind, timing can be a ba5tard sometimes eh?" :)

Me: 'How's the mortgage hunt going?'

Best mate: 'My brokers very good, I've being paying basal rates for two months but he assures me he will get me the best deal'

Me: 'Basal rate?, what's that' :ph34r:

Best mate: 'I'm paying an extra 350 a month'

Me: 'Whats the arrangement fee?'

Best mate: 'It's alot'

Me: 'We're viewing another flat next week, this one has an ensuite'

Best mate stares at me.

I stare back, smiling.

Background: He smuggly bought his 3 bed house in late 2006 (Liar Loan, interest only, now MEWED big time), whilst me and the wife were living in a one bed flat.

He now rents a small room up the street from his property, trying to sell his house, and we have a decent sized flat, but want bigger :), but cheaper.

EDIT: I don't do punchlines

Edited by renterbob

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No punchline oracle! Please, allow me:

HPCer <almost disinterested> : "How much did you say your property portfolio was worth?"

Bull : "£x..xK

HPCer <almost disinterested>: "And what about now?"

Perfect! I love it, can also be used with the simple word house :P

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If someone mentions the supply and demand argument you could say "yes findaproperty,com only came up with 12500 properties for sale with a 5 mile radius of my house.... if only it was a real website" :lol:

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DAMN! It doesn't have to be facist, have you got any that do Gulag-themed S&M?

Surely the girls would look much better in clean, smart, short "fascist wear" with riding crops and truncheons, than muddy, flea ridden, typhoid infested Russian peasant garb clutching 200g of black bread and stinking of red cabbage? Then again, each to their own.

Edited by D'oh

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Anytime the subject comes up: Arch your eyebrows, bite your lower lip, both faux-sympathetic, then in your best sincere-yet-somehow-insincere voice say @Oh dear....@

Alternately...... @And how much has your property/ies lost this month at, say 2% depreciation? And how much do you earn a month again?@

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Surely the girls would look much better in clean, smart, short "fascist wear" with riding crops and truncheons, than muddy, flea ridden, typhoid infested Russian peasant garb clutching 200g of black bread and stinking of red cabbage? Then again, each to their own.

In the scenario I had in mind, i'm the thought criminal on a hunger strike, while the girls are a team of KGB torture specialists trying to wear me down so i'll confess to my crimes and show my love for Stalin.

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Alternatively - show some REAL style and don't debase yourself by getting into the gloating at all.

That's the most understated put down of them all, and really shows you as the better person.

Plus life has a way of biting people who gloat (and we are talking about gloating here) in the ****...

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