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Government Orders Everyone To Move House

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EVERYONE in Britain has been given three weeks to move house and then redo the bathroom as part of the government's plan to boost the ailing economy.

Treasury officials believe there will be a beneficial 'knock-on effect' of the mass house move involving removal firms, trips to B&Q and £90-an-hour plumbers making questionable remarks in front of your wife.

Chancellor Alistair Darling said: "It is now more than 20 years since moving house replaced coal mining as this country's chief economic activity.

"It is now so important to our economic well-being that if no-one moves house, everything turns to shit within seconds.

"So rather than do something pointless and irrelevant like suspending stamp duty, it's really much easier if we just force you all to move.

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  • 399 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?

      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%

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