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geoffk

My Step Daughter Has Said Its Ok Because I Will Get Money When My Nan Dies.

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My step daughter who is 19 and very lazy and immature was asked the other night what the hell she planned on doing with her life by me.

The reply was "its ok because i will get money when my nan dies. I was furious at this and was horrified that someone is trying to plan their life with proceeds of someone dying...(the reason the grandkids get it is because we have enough money)

Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

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My step daughter who is 19 and very lazy and immature was asked the other night what the hell she planned on doing with her life by me.

The reply was "its ok because i will get money when my nan dies. I was furious at this and was horrified that someone is trying to plan their life with proceeds of someone dying...(the reason the grandkids get it is because we have enough money)

Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

What is her fall back plan should nan spend a couple of decades in a nursing home frittering away her inheritance?

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You said it yourself - lazy and immature. You're right to be furious but might be worth thinking about what to do about it. How about having a quiet word with her Nan and suggesting the money is put into Trust until she is 30. Has a nice Victorian feel about it.

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A friend of mine works in private banking doing home visits and there are many similar circumstances he comes across where kids ,sometimes in their late twenties sit at home unemployed been pampered by rich parents .

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Yep, you baby boomers robbed us. The only chance to save this country now is if you all die at retirement age.

Once she has figured out that she is going to have to work 50 hour weeks just to afford the rent to a baby boomer like you. She will kill you with her own bare hands.

If my parents sold there house and I thought they were going to blow the proceeds on themselves I would go mad. My dad bought his house for 30k. If he sold it now for 250k, I know at least 100k of that is mine due to the other inflated rent I have been paying and the over inflated mortgage I will have.

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Suggest Nan takes a cruise around the world. There are more and more people living so long that they run out of money, and given that the previous generations generally put a lot of tax into the system why should they not expect something back.

There is absolutely no shame in taking the pension when you have paid your taxes all your life - although some older people are so concerned not to be taking that they won't accept all their benefits. Hopefully Nan will live an active old age and die penniless but satisfied getting Housing Benefit on a Housing Association owned sheltered unit and the minimum income guarantee from the state, while step daughter has to learn to work for a living.

Nan may as well run her money down, and someone who loves her should suggest that she not be tight with herself and waste her old age trying to look after ungrateful little skivvies ...

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What is her fall back plan should nan spend a couple of decades in a nursing home frittering away her inheritance?

This happened to me (my mother); to other posters on here, and is happening to hundreds of thousands in the UK. Nursing homes consume £20-35K pa, and a lot, lot more if Alzeimers is in the picture.

It's also worth remembering that given very old ladies habit of living with 1950's prices in their heads, they can often think that leaving someone £2K is setting them up for life.

Never rely on inheritance.

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My step daughter who is 19 and very lazy and immature was asked the other night what the hell she planned on doing with her life by me.

The reply was "its ok because i will get money when my nan dies. I was furious at this and was horrified that someone is trying to plan their life with proceeds of someone dying...(the reason the grandkids get it is because we have enough money)

Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

My sympathies, I fully understand where you're coming from. I think at this age they are just what you say, immature- very immature . Just keep hanging on in there.

In the meantime I don't give any money, just moral support. Their problems are theirs too. I lend a sympathetic ear and offer a few platitudes.

It's not easy to disentagle yourself but it's the only way to remain sane. My response would have been' Oh that's nice dear' and move on. Reality kicks ass far better than me.

Nan may choose to leave it to the cats home, shame that isn't it ? ;)

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My step daughter who is 19 and very lazy and immature was asked the other night what the hell she planned on doing with her life by me.

The reply was "its ok because i will get money when my nan dies. I was furious at this and was horrified that someone is trying to plan their life with proceeds of someone dying...(the reason the grandkids get it is because we have enough money)

Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

I have had two people say similar things to me in recent months. Basically looking forward to their parents dying because they will inheret a house.

I was horrified when I heard them say it.

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I have had two people say similar things to me in recent months. Basically looking forward to their parents dying because they will inheret a house.

I was horrified when I heard them say it.

The most horrific aspect is that it is rational and objective. If you only expect average income - then the only way you'll get a home of your own is to inherit one. With that in mind - why bother working?

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An inheritance should be split evenly between your children, no matter what station in life they have achieved, and nominal amounts only should be past on the next generation. This simple etiquette puts a stop to this king of nonsense.

I recommend that you have a word with "nan" and suggest that the youngster is not old enough to receive that kind of money and needs to wait her turn.

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Whats she going to do in the meantime?

Dont even go there..lets just say she done her a levels and then had to be forced by me threatening to walk out if she did not

get a job.....now on the tills of a local superstore....... iam so proud.... :angry:

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Guest sillybear2
Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

Blah... depends, is she pretty? If so she can marry rich or get on Big Brother :P

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It may be a sad fact of life at the moment but I have heard more than a few people in their late twenties early thirty's , saying that it will only be inheritance that will insure their financial security. Im not talking about lazy people sitting at home waiting for money , but families where both adults are out working to survive . One couple are both full time working , two children live in modest house and drive modest car neither smoke or gamble or drink much. They are on interest only mortgage and the word pension is not in their vocabulary. The only way they feel they will ever pay of the mortgage is if they are left money. Their parents bought a house when you had to have a repayment mortgage and then had the benifit of high inflation making the mortgage very small in time . The problem today big mortgages stay big for much longer.

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My step daughter who is 19 and very lazy and immature was asked the other night what the hell she planned on doing with her life by me.

The reply was "its ok because i will get money when my nan dies. I was furious at this and was horrified that someone is trying to plan their life with proceeds of someone dying...(the reason the grandkids get it is because we have enough money)

Is this the norm for the younger generation or was i right to be furious.?

If you're her step-father, not her real father she may feel you haven't the right to call her lazy, immature or indeed question what the hell she plans on doing with her life.

She may feel that you're just trying to push her out of her mums life, which a lot of step-dads are doing. I'm speaking from a horrible experience of an abusive step-father who did just that.

Young people don't respond to being called lazy and immature or stepdads trying to pressure them by bully tactics. They respond to encouragement, praise and confidence building, loving environments. She's at a tough time in her life at 19, and she's obviously dealing with difficult family issues like divorce or whatever.

Try helping her to see her own potential, by praising her good points, and shuting up about her bad points.

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Dont even go there..lets just say she done her a levels and then had to be forced by me threatening to walk out if she did not

get a job.....now on the tills of a local superstore....... iam so proud.... :angry:

Tell her what the rent is at home, then let everything else go over you're head, everything! I mean it! Only way to stay sane, trust me, I know.

It's hard to throw in the towel and leave it up to them, but it's the only thing you can do without losing your mind.

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If you're her step-father, not her real father she may feel you haven't the right to call her lazy, immature or indeed question what the hell she plans on doing with her life.

She may feel that you're just trying to push her out of her mums life, which a lot of step-dads are doing. I'm speaking from a horrible experience of an abusive step-father who did just that.

Young people don't respond to being called lazy and immature or stepdads trying to pressure them by bully tactics. They respond to encouragement, praise and confidence building, loving environments. She's at a tough time in her life at 19, and she's obviously dealing with difficult family issues like divorce or whatever.

Try helping her to see her own potential, by praising her good points, and shuting up about her bad points.

stepdad since the age of three

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i'd say a stepdad is a stepdad, no matter what age the child or when you became 'dad'.

and when you get a teenage kid (though tbf at 19 that is sort yourself out age) being a stepdad has got to be hard.

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stepdad since the age of three

Fair enough. My step-dad came on the scene in my early teens, and promptly set about kicking me out as soon as he could. I have to meet my mum in car parks now just to retain contact. Which makes this whole HPI decade even more frustrating because its never been harder for young people to get started.

Anyway, help her. No young person wants to screw up their life. Don't write off our whole generation as worthless or materialistic. Doing that is a sure fire route to the 'Victor Meldrew' grumpy, bitter old man, hating the world scenario.

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Yep, you baby boomers robbed us. The only chance to save this country now is if you all die at retirement age.

Once she has figured out that she is going to have to work 50 hour weeks just to afford the rent to a baby boomer like you. She will kill you with her own bare hands.

If my parents sold there house and I thought they were going to blow the proceeds on themselves I would go mad. My dad bought his house for 30k. If he sold it now for 250k, I know at least 100k of that is mine due to the other inflated rent I have been paying and the over inflated mortgage I will have.

You're joking aren't you? This level of bitterness is bad for the soul, dude. No info on OPs income/wealth to make such evaluations for a start. And I just don't get it re: your folks. My Dad is roughly in same position but I hope he spends it all, enjoys his retirement, and leaves us f*** all. Instead, like most oldies, he's obsessed with not letting the taxman get his wedge mostly for the sake of his children. Obviously, all things being equal, it must be nice to come into a few quid unexpectedly. But planning one's life around it - like the girl in the story - is only going to one back from doing something in life. Life would be a lot better all round if all estates were required to give 90%+ of what remains after duties to Oxfam IMHO.

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I am dad and have always been i legally adopted her when she was very young..ps she does not get charged rent..

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Never rely on inheritance.

One more footnote, for anyone relying on salvation from inherited property in the next few years.

The hoped-for property legacy is now losing value rapidly, while the cost of interim basic repairs and maintenance doesn't show many signs of coming down. That £400K house may at probate stage eventually fetch half that, and you can't live the high life on the income from £200K. About £10,000 pa? And that princely sum is if there are no other eager legatees sharing the bounty.

As I said before. Never rely on inheritance.

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You're joking aren't you? This level of bitterness is bad for the soul, dude. No info on OPs income/wealth to make such evaluations for a start. And I just don't get it re: your folks. My Dad is roughly in same position but I hope he spends it all, enjoys his retirement, and leaves us f*** all. Instead, like most oldies, he's obsessed with not letting the taxman get his wedge mostly for the sake of his children. Obviously, all things being equal, it must be nice to come into a few quid unexpectedly. But planning one's life around it - like the girl in the story - is only going to one back from doing something in life. Life would be a lot better all round if all estates were required to give 90%+ of what remains after duties to Oxfam IMHO.

Same here - my mothers appalling lol ! - spends 6 weeks of the year in Spain , manages to get to Las Vegas at least twice every 12 months -comes down to see us and immediately heads for the Trafford Centre -but shes worked hard all her life -why shouldn`t she spend all her money -when I hear these storys about middle aged offspring calling `family meetings` because their parents have gone on a world cruise or bought an expensive car or even worse their widowed mother or father is thinking of getting re-married it appalls me - it`s absloutely nothing to do with me what my mother chooses to do with her money and if she dies penniless it`s her choice .

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I am dad and have always been i legally adopted her when she was very young..ps she does not get charged rent..

Been in a similar situation myself though with a son of the same age who I adopted when he was two I`m confused as to why you are using the term stepdad when you are clearly her father as you adopted her - also charge her rent even if it`s just a nominal amount - put it in a savings account for her or something if you feel uneasy about it but you must instil some sense of personal responsibilty and self-worth and allowing her to live rent free is not the way ...

Just a personal opinion mind ...

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  • 401 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

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      • down 5% +
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      • up 5%



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