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Sour Mash

The Daily Mash Sheds Light On New Cpi Calculations

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CPI explained

A Treasury spokesman said: "There are two kinds of inflation. There's the inflation we talk about on the news, which generally hovers around the 2% mark.

"Then there's the inflation that you pay in the shops, and God only knows what that is."

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MONOCLE GREASE AND PENNY FARTHING OIL REMOVED FROM INFLATION BASKET

A RANGE of typical household goods including monocle grease and penny farthing oil have been removed form the basket of items used to measure inflation.

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"Hey doll, what says you and me catch the new Ziegfeld show over on 49th Street?"

The new basket will include a range of modern, everyday purchases including spats, violin cases and sheet music for Dixieland jazz.

Officials say they want to bring the consumer price index up to date without going so far as to include things that people actually buy.

A Treasury spokesman said: "There are two kinds of inflation. There's the inflation we talk about on the news, which generally hovers around the 2% mark.

"Then there's the inflation that you pay in the shops, and God only knows what that is."

He added: "Have you seen the price of petrol? In the name of ******! Thank Christ I work for the government."

Minsters are revamping a range of official indices, with the London Media twit Index expanded to include Inca hats and books about Afghanistan.

From April the Index for People with Constipation will include muffins, fruit smoothies and the Daily Express.

Meanwhile the Index of Annoying Pricks has been overhauled to include the word 'methinks'.

I think one of the mash writers must be an HPCer!

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  • 292 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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