The Road To Riches, Advice Please

[laurejon]

I am thinking of going into business. I dont have much of a background in business having studied History, worked as a rector, and then a journalist.

I am thinking of creating a business whereby I employ as many people as possible,the more the merrier, in fact I want to employ everyone in the UK if I could, as that would give me a monoply on employment.

I want this to be huge, and I want to preside over all of it, every decision must come from me as people cannot be trusted.

My business plan is this.

I am hoping that for every 1million pounds I spend on production, I will sell the product for 100k. Being so cheap, the product that I manufacture will be a bargain, as for the 1million I spend on the production, well it doesnt really matter as I own another business left to me by my predecessors, its called the Bank of England, and I can spend as much of its money as I please.

I am thinking of calling my business UK PLC, it has a nice ring to it.

[lets get it right]

Unfortunately your business plan has a slight flaw.

To keep the business running you will need huge and ongoing injections of capital to finance your losses. Now I appreciate you've thought of that because you can print your own money.

Whilst this is, of course, a great wheeze, if you do it on too grand a scale, the endless production of money begins to devalue it. To counteract this you have to produce even more. This has a nasty habit of getting out of control and, before you know where you are, a loaf of bread is over a quid.

However, the idea certainly 'has legs' at least for a few years. If you need some start up capital, count me in - as long as I can sell up at any time with my capital guaranteed intact.

Kind regards

Gordon

Edited November 1, 2007 by Lets' get it right

[OnlyMe]

You'd also need some crooked financiers to go along with your scam to give voracity to bent stats and keep the priting presses rolling without the population (and foreign investors) finding out the truth.

Edited November 1, 2007 by OnlyMe

[Lone_Twin]

Perfect thread.

You can't beat those first two posts.

.

ST

[Broken Fan]

I am thinking of going into business. I dont have much of a background in business having studied History, worked as a rector, and then a journalist.

I am thinking of creating a business whereby I employ as many people as possible,the more the merrier, in fact I want to employ everyone in the UK if I could, as that would give me a monoply on employment.

I want this to be huge, and I want to preside over all of it, every decision must come from me as people cannot be trusted.

My business plan is this.

I am hoping that for every 1million pounds I spend on production, I will sell the product for 100k. Being so cheap, the product that I manufacture will be a bargain, as for the 1million I spend on the production, well it doesnt really matter as I own another business left to me by my predecessors, its called the Bank of England, and I can spend as much of its money as I please.

I am thinking of calling my business UK PLC, it has a nice ring to it.

Sounds like a great buisiness plan, a new buisness model for a new millenium. I like it. one small fly in the soup though .... the name. Not sure about it. A bit old fashioned, a bit stuffy. Your marketing department will be full of young crazy ( but diligent and clever) guys and girls who will want to work with a new crazy wacky name thats all the rage these days, like Cahoot, Egg, Madasabank, Fish...etc etc..

Cant really think of a name for it now but a few million to a marketing consultancy should come up with something....

hold on I'm brainstorming here...... may have something.. how about ......BROKE....plc....or BANKRUPT or MADE IN CHINA.......FINISHED DOT CO DOT UK

[Guest tbatst2000]

I am thinking of going into business. I dont have much of a background in business having studied History, worked as a rector, and then a journalist.

I would have thought that with that background, the surest way for you to make a load of money would be to start your own religion.

[madasafrog]

How about running a small engineering business?

Just buy a big one and wait.

[Guest tbatst2000]

How about running a small engineering business?

Just buy a big one and wait.

Yes! The way to make a small fortune in [insert your business of choice] is to start with a big fortune and wait.

[Tiger Woods?]

Unfortunately your business plan has a slight flaw.

To keep the business running you will need huge and ongoing injections of capital to finance your losses. Now I appreciate you've thought of that because you can print your own money.

Whilst this is, of course, a great wheeze, if you do it on too grand a scale, the endless production of money begins to devalue it. To counteract this you have to produce even more. This has a nasty habit of getting out of control and, before you know where you are, a loaf of bread is over a quid.

However, the idea certainly 'has legs' at least for a few years. If you need some start up capital, count me in - as long as I can sell up at any time with my capital guaranteed intact.

I think we haven't come to appreciate the advances in new technology and mathematics and how they relate to the feasibility of hyperinflation as sound economic policy. Once upon a time hyperinflation was disastrous as people had to carry notes around in wheelbarrows. Mints had to keep reprinting and distributing huge numbers of bank notes, and sometimes there just wasn't enough room on the paper to print all the zeros. Now, no matter how fast the currency inflates, by the use of credit and debit cards, zeros can be added overnight with only the press of a button. Moreover, rescaling the currency can be done just as easily. Finally, with the advent of scientific notation (and up arrow notation for those familiar with it) we no longer have to write £1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 but can write 10^57 instead. I think the OP has a brilliant plan and should call in at his local Northern Rock branch for a 200% business loan to get started.

Edited November 1, 2007 by D'oh

[Bloo Loo]

I think we haven't come to appreciate the advances in new technology and mathematics and how they relate to the feasibility of hyperinflation as sound economic policy. Once upon a time hyperinflation was disastrous as people had to carry notes around in wheelbarrows. Mints had to keep reprinting and distributing huge numbers of bank notes, and sometimes there just wasn't enough room on the paper to print all the zeros. Now, no matter how fast the currency inflates, by the use of credit and debit cards, zeros can be added overnight with only the press of a button. Moreover, rescaling the currency can be done just as easily. Finally, with the advent of scientific notation (and up arrow notation for those familiar with it) we no longer have to write £1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 but can write 10^57 instead. I think the OP has a brilliant plan and should call in at his local Northern Rock branch for a 200% business loan to get started.

hat must be why most new computers come with WIDESCREEN

[lets get it right]

I think we haven't come to appreciate the advances in new technology and mathematics and how they relate to the feasibility of hyperinflation as sound economic policy. Once upon a time hyperinflation was disastrous as people had to carry notes around in wheelbarrows. Mints had to keep reprinting and distributing huge numbers of bank notes, and sometimes there just wasn't enough room on the paper to print all the zeros. Now, no matter how fast the currency inflates, by the use of credit and debit cards, zeros can be added overnight with only the press of a button. Moreover, rescaling the currency can be done just as easily. Finally, with the advent of scientific notation (and up arrow notation for those familiar with it) we no longer have to write £1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 but can write 10^57 instead. I think the OP has a brilliant plan and should call in at his local Northern Rock branch for a 200% business loan to get started.

I'm not sure NR would be interested in lending the money for such an obviously sound business plan. They like to walk on the wild side.

[tenant447]

I am thinking of going into business. I dont have much of a background in business having studied History, worked as a rector, and then a journalist.

I am thinking of creating a business whereby I employ as many people as possible,the more the merrier, in fact I want to employ everyone in the UK if I could, as that would give me a monoply on employment.

I want this to be huge, and I want to preside over all of it, every decision must come from me as people cannot be trusted.

My business plan is this.

I am hoping that for every 1million pounds I spend on production, I will sell the product for 100k. Being so cheap, the product that I manufacture will be a bargain, as for the 1million I spend on the production, well it doesnt really matter as I own another business left to me by my predecessors, its called the Bank of England, and I can spend as much of its money as I please.

I am thinking of calling my business UK PLC, it has a nice ring to it.

You are Gordon Brown, and I claim my five pounds!

[Antsy]

Or are you Robert Mugabe?

[laurejon]

I am thinking of going into business. I dont have much of a background in business having studied History, worked as a rector, and then a journalist.

I am thinking of creating a business whereby I employ as many people as possible,the more the merrier, in fact I want to employ everyone in the UK if I could, as that would give me a monoply on employment.

I want this to be huge, and I want to preside over all of it, every decision must come from me as people cannot be trusted.

My business plan is this.

I am hoping that for every 1million pounds I spend on production, I will sell the product for 100k. Being so cheap, the product that I manufacture will be a bargain, as for the 1million I spend on the production, well it doesnt really matter as I own another business left to me by my predecessors, its called the Bank of England, and I can spend as much of its money as I please.

I am thinking of calling my business UK PLC, it has a nice ring to it.

Thanks for the feedback, I have been moving this one on as I can see it is going to be popular. I rang my local council and they informed me they could provide a grant of up to 200 million in setup costs if I setup in India or China. If at least 15% of the workforce are 100% disabled, they will provide a further 100Million.

The European Union will provide additional funding in development loans if I were to setup in Palestine, or Pakistan and promise not to use any UK based workers.