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Estate Agent Personality Profiles

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Over the years I've bumped into quite a few Estate Agents, and at least on the surface they all seem to be very similar. In fact remarkably so. Sweeping statement of course, but good fun nevertheless.

A few observations about most I have met, especially male, between 25 and 40:

Usually failed A levels or got very low grades

Rarely went to university

Invariably Tory voters

Old before their time

Read car magazines (nothing more intellectual)

Collect air miles and ambition to holiday in Maldives

Usually quite agreeable company (in a bland sort of way)

Some actually believe the hype their senior colleagues dish out on property

Believe they are a member of the professional classes despite no qualifications

Can be spotted in bars on day off with ironed jeans and lump in pocket (retractable tape measure, not personal appendage)

Often plays musical instrument (but only to grade 3)

Hate heavy metal, love Britney Speers

Always keep hair neat and tidy

Wear ties at weekend (occasionally)

Sort of naive in a worldly-wise sense

Capable of mind bogglingly anodyne conversation (well trained in this sense)

Upright citizens in all respect (except where it comes to property)

Younger ones invariably rent (waiting for that in-house bargain property)

Often married with one or two children

Totally without any imagination

Have secret ambitions to backpack round world (but never do)

Often take one trial flight in small aircraft (extent of risk taking desire)

Cannot spell

Permanent sore on left ear (phone calls)

Permanently hunched left shoulder (gripping phone whilst multi tasking)

Owns three mobile phones (see permanent sore)

Always paints own home in magnolia or off-white (optimum colour)

Plays rugby, squash or cricket (never football)

Shirts are always either white or blue

Always has clean shoes

Art collection: one Turner Reprint

CD collection (see Britney Speers)

Aspires to BMW or Mini but drives s/h Golf or Focus

Throws dinner party once per week (for other EA's)

Dances at weddings in clumsy manner (Britney again)

Drinks cheap Chardonney or G & T

Possesses large TV or "entertainment centre"

Reads perhaps two books per year (Guinness book of records etc)

Has huge DVD collection (films and Britney?)

Goes to bed at ten thirty (occasionally 1.30 weekends)

Female EA's now:

All the above, except:

No lump in jeans (keeps tape measure in handy bag)

Car is Yaris but aspires to Mini Convertible or MX5

Can Spell but only EA scripted standard letters

Reads 18 magazines per week (All Celebrity Trash)

Drinks Vodka

Always has funny put-on voice when answering phone ("Hello, Denton, Marsh and Pringle, can I help you" with false tone and rising cadences in that EA style)

Almost always completely insincere sounding on phone subsequently

Invariably dyed blonde hair with roots just showing

Always smells nice

Fancies six pack men but settles for skinny male EA or, exceptionally, conveyencing soliciter

Can multi task efficiently

Can add up without calculator

Never been to an art exhibition (but has coffee table Impressionists)

Has no interest in property market whatsoever

Goes to Gym 3 times per week

Obsessed with weight but eats 8 bars chocolate per week

Drinks slightly sweet white wine with meals

Shops till drops

Permanently in debt (see shop till drop)

Has 14 store cards (see above)

Just a bit of light hearted fun....no personal offence intended. Please do post your own profiles!


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