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Objective Developer

House Price Crash!

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Losing control of ones car is always fun, and doing it down a narrow road that is lined almost exclusively by the gleaming fronts of Estate Agents is the very best in this kind of mad-cap pastime.

Rear wheel drive, that’s the key. Then, lots of power – maybe a little rain and some worn tyres. And finally, some kind of forced induction – a big turbo just to make sure that the power is delivered digitally – nothing at first and then BAMB! All of it in one huge slug sending the driven wheels scrabbling on the poor surface, traction control lights blinking and cursing your indiscretion!

You will fight the slide at first – this is only natural. There will be lots of slewing left to right, tail wagging like a huge metal dog; all the while frantic arms flapping and flailing ahead a tightly contorted face. Relax, too late now, just let nature handle the details.

You’ll probably hit the curb first, a sickening metallic grinding noise that can only mean trouble, but this is just the beginning – keep the throttle pinned (in for a penny in for a pound) and hold tight. Next, you’ll be looking through the side window, nose and tail pointing in directions that are holy unnatural for this vector, and then it will happen!

With any luck it will be the tail that hit first – then you’ll get to see all that glass cascading down the bonnet without having an airbag in the face. There’ll be adverts saying such garbage as ‘Under Offer!’ and ‘Investment Opportunity!’ fluttering like confetti at some giants wedding all over the pavement, and maybe the odd leap and hiss from the front as some major drive train component finally gives way.

There will be questions to answer, make no mistake. And expect to see people crying. But finally, we will have a House Price Crash.

I for one would love to see it.


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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?

      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%

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