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Been Screwed By The Csa/ex, No Chance Of Mortgage? Even With A Hpc. Drat!

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I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

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I would guess that you take home around 3,200pcm on that salary.

So setting aside the 600pcm leaves you with 2,800 of disposable income.

Why not buy a modest property if only to let out at the right time (not now!! they are heading south very soon).

And most important of all, enjoy your time with your children, you will look back in future years and feel the 600pcm was money well spent. It is very easy to begrudge the money, thinking the ex is living it up at your expense but you will most likely find that is not the case.

I think you will agree that no matter what the problems are in a relationship it is very very important not to allow it to spill over into the view of the children. I had my partner leave me last year and it has taken a great deal of determination and biting of my lip not to be bitter but to move and and try to establish a friendship with my ex simply because I know if I had not done that I would be eating myself up inside for years. And the verdict today one year on, I feel very big that I have managed to achieve a friendship, somewhat strained but it will only get better.

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I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

That is a nice wage a shame you could not come to some agreement with your ex my sister has. Me and my partner never got married we live hapily together with our 2 children. The CSA needs to be changed no good :unsure:

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Guest muttley

I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

There are many people who are worse off than you. I'm not saying you should buy a house, but you could.

Edited by muttley

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Take home £2,200 to £2,700 - depending on the o/t I do.

15% goes into a pension.

Disposable income therefore £1,600 plus possible o/t (up to £500).

Don't see how I can afford anything in Surrey on that?

Yes, I do now begrudge giving the ex £600 since she spent the last 3 years on Legal Aid (tens of thousands) with a barrister/solicitor trying to stop the kids from seeing me at all. I'm one of the lucky ones, I get to have our kids over every other weekend now, but it aint been easy.

Oh and I could look after the kids for half the time (they would be happy) or all if necessary. But of course that would mean the ex would not get all of her dosh and complete control.

Meanwhile the ex through her choice sold the former matrimonial home, pocketed 3/4 of the equity, 50% of my pension built up over 25 years, all house goods apart from the car, left me with all the debts (now paid off) - we were together less than 6 years. Oh, she went straight into a 4 bedroom lovely house (council/HA) place in a great area. I could go on but hey.... I should say I have never slagged the ex off when I see the kids(not easy) and tell them their mother is doing the best she can, is that returned by her? not a chance she slags me off all the time but at least the kids realise now its her problem and they tell everyone mum hates dad, not nice.

Anyway back to my main point sorry - even with a HPC I fear I'm snookered....

That is a nice wage a shame you could not come to some agreement with your ex my sister has. Me and my partner never got married we live hapily together with our 2 children. The CSA needs to be changed no good :unsure:

Good for your sister and her ex and especially for the children. Also you.

I really wish we could sort it out for the kids but she has problems.

Edited by am i bothered

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It's small comfort I know, and you don't want to wish their childhoods away, but your kids will grow up (sooner than you think) and then the payments cease. Another possibility is that when they are in their teens and going through the horrible patch a lot of kids get to around the age of 14, you may suddenly find that your ex won't mind them coming to you more often - in fact she may actually want them to live with you.

Edited by Immigrant

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600 is an *awful* lot of money to be shelling out a month.

Of course I have no idea how much your kids upbringing costs, but if I felt that was an ureasonable amount I'd be looking at alternatives to reduce the payment.

With an understanding employer & a decent accountant you may be able to become a contractor (director of a ltd company)

As I understand it, you can pay yourself a minimal wage, and hold profits within the company indefinitely, which the CSA can't touch. You'd probably still have to pay until reassessed which may take months, but it may worth a go.

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Kids are expensive - shouldn't have them if you can't afford them IMO...

£48K job? - the higher they fly, the harder they fall....

Edited by dnd

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I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

How much would you be spending on the kids if you lived with them? It surely could not have been that much less?

Having asked that, I very much sypathise with your situation, particularly since it is not at all obvious what proportion of the money will be spent for the benefit of your children.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

It's not as bad as it sounds. I would expect you can still afford to spend close to UKP1000 pcm on housing, so if you have 20-or-so years to go before retirement then you should be able to pay for a 2-bed flat even at today's prices. It could take the tax-free lump-sum you might get on taking the new pension to pay off whatever remains on the mortgage by then.

I guess a solution would be to marry someone who did roughly the same to the previous husband ;)

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I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

just been through similar - u have my sympathies

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Guest wrongmove

I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

I went through similar about 9 years ago. Except I had to pay £250 pcm from a takehome of £500! :angry: (I was a post-grad at the time and shouldn't have had to pay anything - but appeals took 2 years to process back then - don't get me started on the CSA !)

If your wife is claiming social benefits there will be little you can do. If she is not then the CSA will let you sort something out privately (which is what we did eventually).

Good luck in this difficult situation - but I agree with some other posters that on £48k, it could be worse. But you certainly have my sympathy. Try to keep things as sweet as possible with the ex (for many reasons) and hopefully you will be able to work something out eventually.

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How much would you be spending on the kids if you lived with them? It surely could not have been that much less?

But 1200 defo is to much Don't forget, the kids upbringing aren't just his responsibility. He;s clearly tried his best to offer as much time as he can. Surely his ex should offer to be financially responsible to the sum of 50%?

I would guess that you take home around 3,200pcm on that salary.

I take it you didn't take into account that he is in the higher tax band :D

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15% of his net earnings is not unreasonable, the childrens standard of living will have dropped as a result of the divorce anyway and I have three children and can tell you for a fact £1200 per month wouldn't keep mine in the style of which they are a customed. Do you have any idea the cost of school uniform for example ?

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I earn 48k gross.

Give the ex £600pm for the kids, she and the courts let me have over to stay fortnightly for weekends.

What chance do I have of ever getting a mortgage again WHEN the HPC comes, zilch?

Any upside?

Any hints for the 'never' to own a home brigade?

you got laid a couple of times at least!

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You can afford a house now, lower your expectations.

Many people far worse off than you.

Also 15% into a pension may seem sensible, but money is no good to you when your dead!

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Big tks to the guys who gave some positive thoughts and ideas, its been appreciated.

How much would you be spending on the kids if you lived with them? It surely could not have been that much less?

Having asked that, I very much sypathise with your situation, particularly since it is not at all obvious what proportion of the money will be spent for the benefit of your children.............................

I guess a solution would be to marry someone who did roughly the same to the previous husband ;)

Fair point, not £600 more than I also pay now thats for sure.

If the bulk of the money went on the kids then it would help but mainly it goes on the ex's fags/booze and supporting her non-working partner.

I don't think I'll be getting married again in a hurry thks, you don't stand a chance as a bloke if it goes wrong and if you have children well good luck. No I'll concentrate on my kids and keep it simple. Lesson learned.

But 1200 defo is to much Don't forget, the kids upbringing aren't just his responsibility. He;s clearly tried his best to offer as much time as he can. Surely his ex should offer to be financially responsible to the sum of 50%?

........

Yep, during the relationship I was an equal carer (sometimes primary) lucky that my work gives me that flexibility. On the break-up offered to look after the kids half the time, told to go to hell and that I won't be seeing them ever. Numerous court appearances later against her Legal Aid funded lawyers managed to get every other weekend and half the holidays, not the equal parenting time I could offer and the children wanted, we are a few miles from each other.

Bottom line is that men are still considered the cash cows mostly.

I have three children and can tell you for a fact £1200 per month wouldn't keep mine in the style of which they are a customed. Do you have any idea the cost of school uniform for example ?

Are you for real?

Yes I do know what a school uniform is as I have to still pay to kit them out plus most of their other casual clothes as well, otherwise I would have the ex making even more trouble with my time with the kids....

If you can't feed and cloth etc 3 children on £1200 per month then your pretty pathetic....

Edited by am i bothered

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Big tks to the guys who gave some positive thoughts and ideas, its been appreciated.

Fair point, not £600 more than I also pay now thats for sure.

If the bulk of the money went on the kids then it would help but mainly it goes on the ex's fags/booze and supporting her non-working partner.

I don't think I'll be getting married again in a hurry thks, you don't stand a chance as a bloke if it goes wrong and if you have children well good luck. No I'll concentrate on my kids and keep it simple. Lesson learned.

Yep, during the relationship I was an equal carer (sometimes primary) lucky that my work gives me that flexibility. On the break-up offered to look after the kids half the time, told to go to hell and that I won't be seeing them ever. Numerous court appearances later against her Legal Aid funded lawyers managed to get every other weekend and half the holidays, not the equal parenting time I could offer and the children wanted, we are a few miles from each other.

Bottom line is that men are still considered the cash cows mostly.

Are you for real?

Yes I do know what a school uniform is as I have to still pay to kit them out plus most of their other casual clothes as well, otherwise I would have the ex making even more trouble with my time with the kids....

If you can't feed and clothe 3 children on £1200 per month then your pretty pathetic....

No I'm not pathetic. I didn't say I couldn't feed and clothe three children for £1200, I said my childrens lives couldn't continue to it's current standard on £1200 per month. All childrens standard of living would drop as a result of a divorce and frankly if you breed them you have to feed them, so get over it and stop whinning the kids didn't ask to be born.

If you're ex is spending the money on fags and booze instead of the kids then apply for custody of them. My dad was awarded custody of two girls back in the dark days of 1980 so if your ex is that bad, don't take them back after an access visit and have them made a ward of court and go from there.

Edited by terrified

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You can afford a house now, lower your expectations.

Many people far worse off than you.

Also 15% into a pension may seem sensible, but money is no good to you when your dead!

Possibly but I don't think so, far too expensive, live in Elmbridge Surrey, have to be near the kids or thats another reason for the ex to try and reduce my time with them, and stop me ever increasing it. Have 3 kids so need a 3 bedroom really now they are older, already spent a couple of years in a 2 bedroom flat which was a squeeze.

hhhmmm yes there are people far worse off than me, and they have my every sympathy, I don't get any joy out of knowing I am better off.

15% in a pension seems the best place for the dosh, I don't feel comfortable not contributing to a pension...

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.................. and frankly if you breed them you have to feed them, so get over it and stop whinning the kids didn't ask to be born.

If you're ex is spending the money on fags and booze instead of the kids then apply for custody of them. My dad was awarded custody of two girls back in the dark days of 1980 so if your ex is that bad, don't take them back after an access visit and have them made a ward of court and go from there.

I am feeding them etc

I am whining because I am not allowed by the ex and the courts to care for them as much as I and they would like emotionally, just financially.

My ex is an alcoholic who has been in the Priory etc - been arrested numerous times by the Police and reported by the schools for neglect of the children, police, neighbours, myself etc to the Social Services.

The SS just say she is the mother and support her every time because she says she will get help, 3 years down the line she's just had her supposedly final warning, and yes she has stopped for the moment. She's shacked up with her non-working ex? alcoholic/druggie now who is harmless believe it or not he just plays the Xbox 24 x 7.

If she starts again, do I have faith in the SS, no way - they don't give a toss about the kids just the mothers, useless f..............

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I am feeding them etc

I am whining because I am not allowed by the ex and the courts to care for them as much as I and they would like emotionally, just financially.

My ex is an alcoholic who has been in the Priory etc - been arrested numerous times by the Police and reported by the schools for neglect of the children, police, neighbours, myself etc to the Social Services.

The SS just say she is the mother and support her every time because she says she will get help, 3 years down the line she's just had her supposedly final warning, and yes she has stopped for the moment. She's shacked up with her non-working ex? alcoholic/druggie now who is harmless believe it or not he just plays the Xbox 24 x 7.

If she starts again, do I have faith in the SS, no way - they don't give a toss about the kids just the mothers, useless f..............

I'm sorry but that's just not true, my best friend is a social worker and yes they do do everything in their power to support the parents, as i said if you are that concerned don't take them back to her.

How old are the children ? If they are prepared to say i want to live with dad then it's an open and shut case.

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I'm sorry but that's just not true, my best friend is a social worker and yes they do do everything in their power to support the parents, as i said if you are that concerned don't take them back to her.

How old are the children ? If they are prepared to say i want to live with dad then it's an open and shut case.

Look, I'm sorry this thread has drifted away from its original purpose, my fault entirely.

But, it is true, I could show you the last S.7 report if it wasnt against the law to show anyone, it lists many of the ex's misdemeanours in drink. I have had enough dealings with social workers because of the ex's drinking to know that most of them have no idea what children and partners of alcoholics really go through. If I had done anything wrong there is little chance that I would be seeing my kids at all. The mother can get away with most everything unless the kids are severely physically harmed. Most SW's would not believe a kid even if the kids were prepared to tell them. Mine are so traumatised by dealing with the SS that they refuse to talk to them anymore because the SS don't believe them, so they survive by keeping it in.

Dont have to believe me, there was a BBC programme that followed (fly-on-the-wall) the SS a few months ago, one example was an alcoholic mother who had been neglecting her child and the SW's had left and the child together for months. They filmed the SW providing her support and advising the mother in her flat, the mother popped out every now and again into the next room to get a nip of vodka out of a bottle whilst the SW was totally ignorant. The mother kept saying to the camera that the SW's hadnt got a clue, and she was right. This was in a TV documentary FFS, what do you think they are like without the cameras.

If you really think the SS give a f.... about children of alcoholic mothers then you have no idea, all they care about is an easy life. Many of the SW's are from disturbed backgrounds and have their own problems, which is why they drift into the profession in the first place.

If you think the SS have the time, funding or motivation to deal with this problem then your in cloud cuckoo land. Their brief is to give an alcoholic/substance abusing mother all the support for as long as she needs unless the child is in severe PHYSICAL harm.

http://www.jrf.org.uk/knowledge/findings/s...lpolicy/064.asp

'In the UK there are estimated to be between 250,000 and 350,000 dependent children living with parental drug misuse, and 920,000 living with parental alcohol misuse. Parental substance misuse can cause considerable harm.'

The courts will follow the SS's recomendations 9 out of 10 times, which is what I have found.

My kids are 7,8+9 - They have been asked twice in official reports what they want and twice the SS and courts have ignored them, they have zero faith in SW's anymore and won't even speak to them. The SS ffs interview them with the mother in the room (because she refuses to leave) even when they are brave enough to say what they want they are ignored.

Here are a couple of example's of the courts ignoring children and forcing them physically from a father they want to be with, there are plenty others.

http://www.fathersforlife.org/cps/UK_judic...ce_child_abuser

http://www.fathersforlife.org/cps/opposing...y_in_courts.htm

Edited by am i bothered

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I have spoken to my firend this morning with regards to this and she agrees you are between a rock and a hard place but equally she is confident that if the children are in danger or specifically requesting to live else where then it is a case of keep banging away and you'll get there in the end. The children are still quite young though, maybe it'll take until they are teenagers when your ex might not be quite so keen to keep hold of rowdy teenagers.

Good luck it does sound like you have an uphill struggle in more ways than one.

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If you look at the misses in the wrong way she can have you out the house in a blink of an eye and ban you from seeing the kids and it’s not worth fighting in the courts as even if the mother is on drugs she will still get custody of the kids.

Responsibilities are not the fathers as the woman can send the kids to what school she wants, change their names and do anything she wants so just what responsibility does the dad have.

I believe in pay and go and that’s what a friend of mine does when he sees his kids and his Ex gets nothing.

The CSA is a joke and it has not save the country one penny but has created a lot of trouble.

Strange that if your on the dole a child is deemed to cost about £25 per week to keep but split from the misses and the sky’s the limit.

Don’t buy a house else the government uses it as a stick to keep making you pay the ex misses more and more.

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I believe in pay and go and that’s what a friend of mine does when he sees his kids and his Ex gets nothing.

Justice, what is this pay and go thing?

Cheers

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
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      • Even
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      • up 5%



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