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Renters' Rant

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Guest Shedfish

Estate Agent Bull(sh)it Points

If any other asset / item / product was misrepresented to the degree that houses are, there would be a revolution.

This is no attempt at a reasoned comment on economics, nay- or yea- saying... just a few of the witterings of EA's exposed for what they really mean...

(a selection below, with translations in brackets)

- deceptive (how can a house be 'deceptive'? it's a house. what they mean is it's very small unless you're p!ssed. then it gets smaller)

- having front access (there is a door)

- fascinating history (there is a ghost)

- low maintenance rear garden (4 paving slabs bordered by broken fencing)

- utility room having an open aspect (an unfinished 'conservatory' has been nailed to the back. there is no door on it.)

- requiring selective modernisation (last occupant was a weapons tester)

- open side aspect (chavs take drugs, and dogs sh!t on your lawn)

- potential for a variety of uses (no floor, no roof, no planning permission)

- some furniture included (it's a repo)

- outside (there is no garden)

- unique (you reall HAVE never seen anything like it)

- conveniently located (the main road is 8 inches from the only bedroom)

- reserved parking (the house is almost as wide as your car is long)

The Brochure:

In the age of the digital camera, the vendor, and estate agent between them have managed to get together the following:

- one sh!tty wide angle picture which just omits the boneyard / warzone / dogs on spikes next door

- a floorplan you can't read

- a really posh bathroom from another house

- three more pictures that are the same as the first one

you click expectantly on 'FULL BROCHURE, to see....

the same, or less than, above

The Disclaimer:

'The Agent makes no guarantee that.. etc etc'

(translation: all the above is a lie)

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What ticks me off is that, being priced out of the market due to the high asking prices which are a result of deep in debt land lords buying everything that had the words "Real Estate" anywhere in the description, now they put their rents up because they paid to much :angry:

I so wish I could buy up all the food in my town, then triple the asking prices. That would amuse me.

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Estate Agent Bull(sh)it Points

If any other asset / item / product was misrepresented to the degree that houses are, there would be a revolution.

This is no attempt at a reasoned comment on economics, nay- or yea- saying... just a few of the witterings of EA's exposed for what they really mean...

(a selection below, with translations in brackets)

- deceptive (how can a house be 'deceptive'? it's a house. what they mean is it's very small unless you're p!ssed. then it gets smaller)

- having front access (there is a door)

- fascinating history (there is a ghost)

- low maintenance rear garden (4 paving slabs bordered by broken fencing)

- utility room having an open aspect (an unfinished 'conservatory' has been nailed to the back. there is no door on it.)

- requiring selective modernisation (last occupant was a weapons tester)

- open side aspect (chavs take drugs, and dogs sh!t on your lawn)

- potential for a variety of uses (no floor, no roof, no planning permission)

- some furniture included (it's a repo)

- outside (there is no garden)

- unique (you reall HAVE never seen anything like it)

- conveniently located (the main road is 8 inches from the only bedroom)

- reserved parking (the house is almost as wide as your car is long)

The Brochure:

In the age of the digital camera, the vendor, and estate agent between them have managed to get together the following:

- one sh!tty wide angle picture which just omits the boneyard / warzone / dogs on spikes next door

- a floorplan you can't read

- a really posh bathroom from another house

- three more pictures that are the same as the first one

you click expectantly on 'FULL BROCHURE, to see....

the same, or less than, above

The Disclaimer:

'The Agent makes no guarantee that.. etc etc'

(translation: all the above is a lie)

It would be soooo funny.......if it wasn't sooooo true :rolleyes:

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Guest Bart of Darkness

Given the number of "deceptively spacious" homes that seem to exist, one would almost think that this was a part of the standard building regs.

"Deceptively spacious" to me implies that the house appears to be spacious at first sight, but that eventually you will realise that you have been deceived and it isn't anything of the kind.

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Viewed a new flat to rent this weekend and had to make a list there was so much wrong with it - even the EA (who only worked in the office on Saturdays) was apologising about the state of the place. They wanted 750 pcm for a 1BR flat and issues went from pretty much all the flooring / carpets / vinyl being damaged through to their being 6 inch wide gaps through the UPVC frames from the bedroom and kitchen to the outside world - nice in winter I'm sure. White goods were filthy / unusable, and the avacado bath suite was a real mess - straight out of the early 80's. Can't wait for them to phone me to see if I want to rent it! I think I'll struggle to prevent myself from laughing.....

On the other hand I'm waiting for a viewing on another place which is being refurbed at the moment - new bathroom, kitchen, flooring and painted throughout - will be one at 695 pcm. Sounds like a winner to me.

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Guest Alright Jack

Estate Agent Bull(sh)it Points

If any other asset / item / product was misrepresented to the degree that houses are, there would be a revolution.

This is no attempt at a reasoned comment on economics, nay- or yea- saying... just a few of the witterings of EA's exposed for what they really mean...

(a selection below, with translations in brackets)

- deceptive (how can a house be 'deceptive'? it's a house. what they mean is it's very small unless you're p!ssed. then it gets smaller)

- having front access (there is a door)

- fascinating history (there is a ghost)

- low maintenance rear garden (4 paving slabs bordered by broken fencing)

- utility room having an open aspect (an unfinished 'conservatory' has been nailed to the back. there is no door on it.)

- requiring selective modernisation (last occupant was a weapons tester)

- open side aspect (chavs take drugs, and dogs sh!t on your lawn)

- potential for a variety of uses (no floor, no roof, no planning permission)

- some furniture included (it's a repo)

- outside (there is no garden)

- unique (you reall HAVE never seen anything like it)

- conveniently located (the main road is 8 inches from the only bedroom)

- reserved parking (the house is almost as wide as your car is long)

The Brochure:

In the age of the digital camera, the vendor, and estate agent between them have managed to get together the following:

- one sh!tty wide angle picture which just omits the boneyard / warzone / dogs on spikes next door

- a floorplan you can't read

- a really posh bathroom from another house

- three more pictures that are the same as the first one

you click expectantly on 'FULL BROCHURE, to see....

the same, or less than, above

The Disclaimer:

'The Agent makes no guarantee that.. etc etc'

(translation: all the above is a lie)

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Keep 'em coming.

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Estate Agent Bull(sh)it Points

If any other asset / item / product was misrepresented to the degree that houses are, there would be a revolution.

This is no attempt at a reasoned comment on economics, nay- or yea- saying... just a few of the witterings of EA's exposed for what they really mean...

(a selection below, with translations in brackets)

- deceptive (how can a house be 'deceptive'? it's a house. what they mean is it's very small unless you're p!ssed. then it gets smaller)

- having front access (there is a door)

- fascinating history (there is a ghost)

- low maintenance rear garden (4 paving slabs bordered by broken fencing)

- utility room having an open aspect (an unfinished 'conservatory' has been nailed to the back. there is no door on it.)

- requiring selective modernisation (last occupant was a weapons tester)

- open side aspect (chavs take drugs, and dogs sh!t on your lawn)

- potential for a variety of uses (no floor, no roof, no planning permission)

- some furniture included (it's a repo)

- outside (there is no garden)

- unique (you reall HAVE never seen anything like it)

- conveniently located (the main road is 8 inches from the only bedroom)

- reserved parking (the house is almost as wide as your car is long)

The Brochure:

In the age of the digital camera, the vendor, and estate agent between them have managed to get together the following:

- one sh!tty wide angle picture which just omits the boneyard / warzone / dogs on spikes next door

- a floorplan you can't read

- a really posh bathroom from another house

- three more pictures that are the same as the first one

you click expectantly on 'FULL BROCHURE, to see....

the same, or less than, above

The Disclaimer:

'The Agent makes no guarantee that.. etc etc'

(translation: all the above is a lie)

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- fascinating history (there is a ghost)

- Fascinating history (a former occupant no longer has to pay rent or a mortgage as he is living at Her Majesty´s pleasure in a maximum-security prison having been a serial killer who murdered 23 victims in the living room. After which he chopped them up in the kitchen and disposed of them down the drains or burnt them in the back garden (or in estate agent terms - "patio perfect for barbeques". "Plumbing optimization measures may be required" i.e. the drains have never been the same since.

Seriously, I read in some newspaper several months ago that Denis Nielson´s flat in Highgate was on sale in Highgate - for a redicuously inflated price of course!

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I've seen all the descriptions you gave, and worse.

The selective photography is bad in my area - a pic that shows everything apart from the bridge that puts a train next to your bedroom every minute at rush hour etc.

However, my last flat was a genuine example of "deceptively spacious" (although they didn't use the description in the ad).

The room measurements, if read next to those of any other flat, were nothing special, but the proportions of each room and the layout of the flat were ideal, and the flat was fifth floor, so very light and airy. The overall effect was to make it 'feel' bigger.

That's the reason I bought the place as soon as I had viewed it, and the reason I stayed there 2 years longer than I intended.

I think genuine examples like that flat are the excuse used to justify using the phrase for every poky little hovel on the market.

Edited by rockdoctor

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Guest Shedfish

Good Value For Money (compared to buying shares in a cloud)

Stamp Your Identity... (the walls are purple and green)

Convenient for local amenities (next door to the fire station)

Popular area (housing estate littered with needles)

Restyled Bathroom (incomplete bathroom)

Quirky (all the rooms are parallelograms. EA's can't spell parallelograms)

Utility (big enough for a washing machine, provided you don't open the door of the room, and the door on the washing machine simultaneously)

Ideally Placed for The Lakes and North West Coast (carpets are included, and radioactive)

Internal inspection recommended (buy shares in polyfilla)

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Viewed a new flat to rent this weekend and had to make a list there was so much wrong with it - even the EA (who only worked in the office on Saturdays) was apologising about the state of the place. They wanted 750 pcm for a 1BR flat and issues went from pretty much all the flooring / carpets / vinyl being damaged through to their being 6 inch wide gaps through the UPVC frames from the bedroom and kitchen to the outside world - nice in winter I'm sure. White goods were filthy / unusable, and the avacado bath suite was a real mess - straight out of the early 80's. Can't wait for them to phone me to see if I want to rent it! I think I'll struggle to prevent myself from laughing.....

On the other hand I'm waiting for a viewing on another place which is being refurbed at the moment - new bathroom, kitchen, flooring and painted throughout - will be one at 695 pcm. Sounds like a winner to me.

Previous tenant: Denis Neilson.

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Guest Shedfish

Imagine.... you're buying a really expensive car, and this is how they're sold.

you don't know if it has an MOT, and no-one is about to tell you.

the advert for it grossly misrepresents it.

you go and see it, knowing that if you should want to look at it twice, everyone frowns upon this.

if you like it based on your 20 minute inspection, you put in a bid.

then you pay 1000 for it to be MOT'd.

meanwhile you hope that no-one outbids you, while it's getting its non-refundable MOT.

it passes the MOT you paid for.

someone outbids you.

their finance falls through.

the dealer doesn't tell you, cos they didn't like the cut of your jib.

the MOT certificate is thrown away

it goes back on the market with no MOT... etc etc

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Guest Shedfish

i am touched by their concern -

as one contributor asks - "is this legel?"

yeh yeh i know how w4nky it is to quote oneself, but this thread (and the underhanded nature of the business practices) has really made me want to break something

dunno what to do with it... couldn't find a malpractice /insider thread. thought i'd post it again so i can enjoy my night time cocoa in a vapid 'blues ain't about makin yo self feel better' kind of way

in scotland the price on the car is only an invitation to bid 20% over.

You can only get finance on the asking price because thats what its valued as.

somebody from down south who has just sold their car there will always outbid you.

it's all just such a mess. something as simple as a house shouldn't be this hard... i just wanna live somewhere survivable, not too far from my friends. i mean, when you hear about people elsewhere being disposessed of land the tendency is to think 'that's terrible'... but in the uk... ahh the bloody Normans did it. honest! when men were mad, and horses were tax exempt. the *****s

havin a nap now :)

...i mean i could afford somewhere in Stoke... but

Edited by Shedfish

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whats ticks me off with renting is why does it cost twice as much as council housing (housing association) ??

I know plenty of folk who have got a nice council house 3 beds at @ £380 per month, theirs till they die. They enjoy a very comfortable level of living, two new cars, two decent holidays a year.

Only 15 years ago in this country a young couple could have picked up a nice council house.

I do ask myself how can this be legal or fair ?

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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