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charmer

Ea Slang (or How To Sell A House)

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One of the things i enjoy about EAs is the brilliant terms they use to decribe property

I'm sure someone has already done this post, but indulge me...

So...

Cosy - Small

Bijou - Very Small

Intimate - A cupboard

Open plan - a bedsit

Well proportioned rooms - They're all very small

Up and coming - 5 years ago there were drug dealers on every corner, now there are estate agents on every corner with the drug dealers outside

Park like setting - On an estate

Close to local amenities - There's a costcutter a mile away

Good transport links - Just try getting home after 9

Practical layout - Impractical Layout

Recently refurbished - Refurbished in 1979

Unusual - Weird

Charming - Tacky

Neutral Decor - Whitewashed

An oppurtunity for an incoming buyer to put there individuality on the property - Very weird, and possibly with skeletons under the floorboards

In need of some refurbishment - There were squatters in there 2 weeks ago and there's sh*t on the walls

In need of modernisation - The roof fell in last week

Superbly presented - in comparison to the other rubbish we're shifting

Sunny - the neighbours can watch you undress

Ample storage - Not so ample living space

Gas central heating - this is the best thing we can say about this house because it's horrible.

City centre location - you can listen to the drunks fighting on Saturday night from your bedroom

Vibrant area - you can listen to the dance music from the club on Saturday nights from you bedroom

Double glazing - the sound of drunks fighting will be slightly muffled

Airy - Drafty

Highly desirable - no gun crime, we think

Purpose built - Tower block, working lift

Ex local authority - Tower block, no working lift

Excellent oppurtunity for a first time buyer - HAHAHAHAHA!!!!SUCKERS!

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Patio garden - Small patch of concrete

Potential for off-street parking (STPP) - Shame about the bus stop outside your front door

1 bedroom - A studio

2 Bedroom - One bedroom and a broom closet

2 Double bedroom - One bedroom and a study

3 Bedroom - Two bedrooms and a broom closet

Down stairs bathroom - toilet that opens into the kitchen

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Guest Bart of Darkness

And let's not forget how happy, pleased or even delighted they always are to be offering this property for sale.

What a happy-go-lucky bunch EAs are to be sure.

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Guest Winners and Losers

Suit parent buyers with child at university = total sh*thole that no-one else would touch with a barge pole.

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Excellent :D

I've just been reading a book called "Freakonomics", which is quite entertaining, by this economics guy who looks at strange relationships in economic data. He has some interesting things to say about estate agents (mostly not very complimentary).

In one part of the book, he analyses estate agent terminology. He gives ten common terms used, and shows which ones statistically correlate with lower and higher sales prices:

Higher sales price:

Granite

State-of-the-Art

Corian

Maple

Gourmet

Lower sales price:

Fantastic

Spacious

!

Charming

Great Neighborhood

Fun book, if a bit smug at times.

One of the things i enjoy about EAs is the brilliant terms they use to decribe property

I'm sure someone has already done this post, but indulge me...

So...

Cosy - Small

Bijou - Very Small

Intimate - A cupboard

Open plan - a bedsit

Well proportioned rooms - They're all very small

Up and coming - 5 years ago there were drug dealers on every corner, now there are estate agents on every corner with the drug dealers outside

Park like setting - On an estate

Close to local amenities - There's a costcutter a mile away

Good transport links - Just try getting home after 9

Practical layout - Impractical Layout

Recently refurbished - Refurbished in 1979

Unusual - Weird

Charming - Tacky

Neutral Decor - Whitewashed

An oppurtunity for an incoming buyer to put there individuality on the property - Very weird, and possibly with skeletons under the floorboards

In need of some refurbishment - There were squatters in there 2 weeks ago and there's sh*t on the walls

In need of modernisation - The roof fell in last week

Superbly presented - in comparison to the other rubbish we're shifting

Sunny - the neighbours can watch you undress

Ample storage - Not so ample living space

Gas central heating - this is the best thing we can say about this house because it's horrible.

City centre location - you can listen to the drunks fighting on Saturday night from your bedroom

Vibrant area - you can listen to the dance music from the club on Saturday nights from you bedroom

Double glazing - the sound of drunks fighting will be slightly muffled

Airy - Drafty

Highly desirable - no gun crime, we think

Purpose built - Tower block, working lift

Ex local authority - Tower block, no working lift

Excellent oppurtunity for a first time buyer - HAHAHAHAHA!!!!SUCKERS!

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And let's not forget how happy, pleased or even delighted they always are to be offering this property for sale.

What a happy-go-lucky bunch EAs are to be sure.

I'm so used to being offered a "rare opportunity" to purchase such a wonderful property, I'm now beginnining to wonder just how rare they are ? :blink:

plus...

"unexpectadly re-offered" - the chain's collapsed

"suit cash buyer" - wouldn't pass a survey

"viewing recommended" - if you thought it looked sh1t, this will confirm any doubts

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Guest Winners and Losers

"viewing recommended" - if you thought it looked sh1t, this will confirm any doubts

:lol::lol:

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Guest Winners and Losers

Come on WAL what was that one we saw together on that Oz website as I have forgotten. :unsure::rolleyes:

:lol::lol:

"Let the Drum Roll Begin"

Yep, the crash must be well underway in Oz!

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:lol::lol:

"Let the Drum Roll Begin"

Yep, the crash must be well underway in Oz!

I am still holding out to see...

"it aint over until the fat lady sings" :P;)

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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