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Things are even worse for people in Spain labouring under the bubble from hell. There's a saying in Spain, 'Spanish wages, European prices'. A graduate worker I was speaking to there seemed very impressed when I told her my first £13k job worked out at about Euro18k. Salary multiples must be 20 times real-world wages in madrid, and the post-Franco generation of 40 and 50 somethings who bought flats when it was more expensive to buy a car must feel even more flush than our 'baby boomers'.

Anyway, this chain office email has been doing the rounds. I provide a translation.

Yo también tengo 328 años y vengo del futuro. Conocí esta página a traves de un anciano llamado Ziggy, un sintecho mendigo y alcoholico que vive en un BPO (banco del parque de protección oficial) conseguido por una ong que ayuda a exburbujistas en la ruina. Me he decidido a cojer mi máquina del tiempo para contaros como van las cosas.

Afortunadamante no se han cumplido las previsiones de tantos agoreros burbujistas como ese tal Ziggy y la vivienda en España ha seguido subiendo un 17% anual durante los últimos 50 años, de este modo nos hemos convertido en el país mas rico del mundo, porque por ejemplo un ático en la castellana cuesta mas que el estado de California y el palacio imperial de Tokio juntos; claro que ya nadie vive en la Castellana ni en ningún otro sitio de Madrid, por que esas casas son para invertir y no para vivir.

Yo por ejemplo aunque trabajo en Madrid me he comprado un piso de 40 metros la mar de apañao en un pueblo del Norte de Burgos, que con la autovía queda a un paso; para pagar la hipoteca nos hemos juntado con otras tres familias: un notario casado con una catedrática de universidad, un subinspector de hacienda casado con una abogada del estado y un magistrado del supemo (subcontratado a traves de una ett) casado con una arquitecta. De este modo destinamos cinco sueldos a la hipoteca y uno para vivir; estamos contentisimos con la compra porque aunque al principio nos está costando un poco luego seguro que ni se nota, además desde que lo compramos hace un año ya ha subido un 17% y por si fuera poco la mujer del notario esta de buena que lo flipas.

Aunque profesionamente no me va mal (soy director general adjunto de una multinacional, aunque también subcontratado a traves de una ett) la verdad es que la inflación que sufrimos al ser el país mas rico del mundo hace que nos tengamos que apretar un poco el cinturón; de todos modos es cuestión de acostumbrarse, cuando tuvimos que empezar a comer chopped de lagartijas todos nos quejamos y ahora se le da vuelta y vuelta en la plancha y tan rico que queda. De cualquier forma, aprovechando que han bajado la edad laboral a los 10 años a ver si saco al churumbel del colegio y lo meto en la ett, que un sueldo mas seguro que ayuda para la hipoteca.

Mi sueldo es de 2.000 tochos netos, el tocho es la moneda que sustituyo al euro cuando nos echaron de la UE a patadas (que fea y que mala es la envidia) y se cotiza a un centimo de euro. En la caja fuerte del banco de españa ya no se guardan lingotes si no ladrillos, que en este país han demostrado ser un valor mucho mas seguro y rentable que el oro.

Tras las guerras atómicas provocadas por los propietarios de vpo de andalucía la población ha quedado reducida a 5 millones de españoles y 50 millones de ecuatorianos trabajando de paletas, se han seguido construyendo 800.000 viviendas anuales (la construcción supone ya el 98% del PIB) y ahora tocamos a unas 20 viviendas por habitante (casi todas vacías porque como dije son viviendas para invertir, no para vivir). El 90% del suelo esta ya urbanizado y se plantea empezar a construir ciudades en el fondo del mar (no se puede vivir debajo del agua, así que serían ciudades nada mas que para invertir). Esto es lo que en el mundo se conoce y admira como "el milagro español" y es objeto de numerosos estudios y tesis doctorales en el campo de la psiquiatría. Cada año nos visitan miles de estudiosos de la mente humana de todo el mundo. No me estrañaría que muchos de esos científicos se quedasen porque la verdad es que como en España no se vive en ningún sitio.

Y eso es todo lo que os puedo contar de lo que os espera; voy a ver si cazo unas lagartijas para cenar."

This roughly translates as:

I am also 328 years old and come from the future. I learnt about this page through one of our elders called Ziggy, an alcoholic homeless who lives on a BPO (Banco del Parque de protección Oficial, Council Housing Park Bench). He managed to obtain this BPO thanks to an NGO that helps bankrupt ex-crash-theorists. I have taken the step to get on my time-machine to tell you how things are getting on around here.

Luckily, none of the forecasts of so many prophets of doom, like that Ziggy, have been fulfilled, and the value of housing stock in Spain has continued to rise 17% p.y. during the last 50 years. In this way we have become the richest country in the world. For instance, a penhouse in Castellana (e.g. Oxford Street) is worth more than the whole of California and Tokyo Imperial Palace together. But of course, nobody lives in Castellana anymore, or anywhere else in Madrid for that matter, because housing is an investment and not to live in.

Myself, for instance, I work in Madrid, but I have bought a 40 square meter cosy little flat in a village in the North of Burgos, with the dual carriage way it´s really not that far. We have got together with other 3 families to pay the mortgage: a solicitor married to a University lecturer, a Tax inspector married to a barrister, and judge (temping through an agency) married to an architect. In this way we have 5 salaries to pay the mortgage and one for living expenses. We are very happy with the acquisition, because although at the beginning we are fining it a bit hard, later I am sure we won´t even notice it.Also, since we bought it last year it has gone up 17% already and on top of that you wouldn´t belive how fit is the solicitor´s wife.

Although, on the profesional side I am doing well (I am Vicepresident of a multinational firm, although I am also temping through an agency), to be honest the inflation that we are suffering being the richest country in the world is making us having to cut down to make ends meet. At the end of the day, it's all a matter of getting used to. When we had to start eating lizard bacon we all complained and now it tastes so nice grilled on both sides. Anyway, I will take advantage of the fact that working age has gone down to 10 years to take the sprog out of school and send him to do temping, I am sure one more salary will help with the mortgage.

My salary is about 2000 Tochos net, Tocho is the new currency that substituted the Euro when they kicked us out of the EU (how ugly and bad is envy!). The exchange rate is one Euro cent. In the vault of the Bank of Spain they don't keep gold anymore, but instead we keep bricks, as it has been demonstrated in our country that their value is much more secure and profitable than gold.

After the atomic wars in Andalucia the population has been reduced to 5 milion Spaniards and 50 million Ecuatorian working as chipies. We keep building 800,000 homes per year (builing is 98% of the PIB) and now there are in the country 20 lodgings per inhabitant (almost all of them empty, as I said before, housing is an investment not to live in).

90% of the land is already built, and they are thinking about starting to build cities in the sea bed (as we cannot live under water, all these cities would be only used as an investment)

This is what has come to be known in the world as the Spanish miracle and it has been the focus of several studies and PHD dissertations in Psyachiatry.

Every year we received visits from thousands of scientists studying the human mind from all over the world. It would not surprise me that many of these scientists stayed, because the truth is that the quality of life in Spain you cannot find anywhere else.

And that is all I can tell you about your future, now I am off to catch a few lizars for supper.

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  • 337 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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