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THE MONKEY

The Monkey's Bottom

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Finally! Finally! Finally!

Oh, please excuse the Monkey one second.

Moderators: this post by the Monkey may, at first glance, appear to be off-topic but remember - the millions and millions of the Monkey's fans will demand an explanation of where he has been for the last 5 months. This post will soon turn into a serious poll on house prices.

Secondly, you may assume that being a homeowner, the Monkey has come back to antagonise the non-homeowners on this website in a BTL Landlord Style. Well the Monkey could only do something in a BTL Landlord style if he firstly had his testicles removed, his head repositioned up his candy ass and all of his coolness sucked out through his nostrils. And last time the Great One checked, those bad boys were still hanging between his legs, his beautiful head was still on his shoulders and he was still the Coolest Ape in House Price Forums Today, baby!

The Monkey thanks the Moderators for listening.

Now where was the Monkey? Oh yes!

Finally!

The Monkey has come back to HPC!

Ladies, the Monkey will pause for a second while you regain control of your bodily functions.

Yes ladies, the Monkey is even better looking than you remembered!

Of course, we can later ladies.

Enough now ladies - the Monkey is trying to speak here!

Now, the millions and millions of the Monkey's fans have been bombarding the Great One with emails asking where he has been and if he was suspended by the Webmaster for buying a house. Well, the answer is that the Monkey WAS banned by the Webmaster but not for buying a house. You see the Webmaster was concerned that with the Monkey being THE Most Electrifying Ape in House Price Forums Today, he was taking up all the pie on the forum and not leaving any for anyone else. He was concerned that members of this site, being so starved of pie, had taken to sniffing youg ladies underwear!

Just take a look at this jabroni!

http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...2&p=333603&st=7

and this one!

http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...2&p=333603&st=8

In addition to the sudden outbreak of panty sniffing, the Webmaster was also concerned that our resident hunnies such as Bullish Bear, Gal Bear and Libitina were coming to the forum each day exhausted from yet another night of being served a piece of the Monkey's super-sized strudel. Like all good Webmasters, ours was certainly concious of the Health and Safety implications of too much cream.

So the Monkey, begrudgingly, agreed to leave the forum and allow the pie / strudel equilibrium to reach more normal levels as you would find in a place where there were no MegaStars like the Monkey.

But what happend next was obvious. Being deprived of the Most Electrifying Ape in House price Forums Today, the ladies began to cry and the men on this site began to find the site boring:

http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...showtopic=27048

People began begging the Webmaster to allow the Monkey to come back and return the Site to its former glory. These are just two of the millions and millions of examples:

http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...7&p=293241&st=2

http://www.housepricecrash.co.uk/forum/ind...5&p=290895&st=9

Now faced with millions and millions of angry emails demanding the Return of the Monkey and the fact that hits to this website had dropped through the floor since the Great One left, the Webmaster sent the Monkey this email.

"Dear Monkey

I am a jabroni who should be checked into the Smackdown Hotel on the Corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive for suspending you. Please come back. The website is no longer electrifying without you. HPC is the Monkey's show. If you come back, we will pay you $1 million a year, which will come out of Bubble Pricker's STR fund. Also, we will provide you with a year's supply of pie (well a year's supply for a normal man, so 1 week for you).

Yours sincerely

Webmaster"

Well, how could the Monkey refuse such an offer? After admonishing the Webmaster for using one of the Great One's catachphrases and laying the Most Electrifying Move in House Price Forums Today, the Monkey Elbow on his Candy Ass, the Monkey agreed to return and give this website a much-need injection of his Greatness.

Now, talking about the Monkey Elbow has reminded the Monkey of what this post was all about. The Monkey Elbow might be the Most Electrifying Move in House price Forums Today but the Second Most Electrifying Move is the MONKEY'S BOTTOM.

As many of you who follow the career of the Monkey know, he bought a house in October, negotiating a £10k discount. Now at that time, the Hometrack Survey, which was the only survey the Monkey believed to be true, was saying that house prices had fallen for 16 consecutive months.

http://money.guardian.co.uk/houseprices/st...1599476,00.html

A few months later, Hometrack were saying that house prices had risen for 4 consecutive months.

http://today.reuters.co.uk/news/newsArticl...N-HOMETRACK.xml

Now the Monkey would like to reconfirm that he is not gloating here. He has great sympathy for people priced out of the housing market and over the coming weeks will be conducting "Monkey Money Saving Clinics" where people can write to the Great One, asking him how to save more money and the Monkey will answer them in an Electrifying Problem Page Style.

However, the Monkey's poll question is this:

Despite his lack of financial knowledge and the ability of someone like Dr. Bubb to post graphs of "Gold Price Against Shoelace Length of Children in the Outer Hebrides", did the Monkey, the Great One, the Most Electrifying Ape in House Price Forums Today, call the bottom of the Crash almost to the day and buy at the right time?

The Monkey thanks you for particpating in this Poll and Discussion regarding house prices.

It's good to be back.

If you smellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

What the Monkey

Is cooking!

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Despite his lack of financial knowledge and the ability of someone like Dr. Bubb to post graphs of "Gold Price Against Shoelace Length of Children in the Outer Hebrides", did the Monkey, the Great One, the Most Electrifying Ape in House Price Forums Today, call the bottom of the Crash almost to the day and buy at the right time?

Err...... No.

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If a poll asking if one of this forum's members accurately called the bottom of the HOUSE PRICE MARKET is considered off-topic and moved to the Off Topic Forum almost instantly, then the Monkey understands why people think that the forum has become stale.

Forgive the Monkey for attempting to entertain the people at a time when many on here seem downbeat.

Some people have no soul.

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Guest Winners and Losers

Ladies, the Monkey will pause for a second while you regain control of your bodily functions

Thanks, I suddenly launched into an attack of PROJECTILE VOMITTING!

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Some peple have no soul.

Sadly you are a lad in a man`s body. The forum improved greatly when you said goodbye and spammed your rantings on other forums. The prophet on SP are you?

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Welcome back to HPC – the prodigal son returneth, as predicted five days ago in the five great prophesies as articulated by the very diligent but slightly inexperienced Prophet who, at great personal risk, dutifully endured the wrath of both the C4 and SP mods and several unanticipated visits to the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Avenue, and posted of HIS forthcoming arrival after exile as a wealthy homeowner in one of Phil and Kirstie’s top ten UK places to live. Let’s hope that after a slightly inauspicious return HE will tell us all about the new experience and what it’s like to live amongst the rich and famous and converse with the intellectual elite on C4 while getting to grips with the trials of leylandii trees and Jabroni tenants living next door. So what is the Monkey cooking this time? :)

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Guest Bart of Darkness
I am a jabroni who should be checked into the Smackdown Hotel on the Corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive

Sounds like the Webmaster and I are neighbours!

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If a poll asking if one of this forum's members accurately called the bottom of the HOUSE PRICE MARKET is considered off-topic and moved to the Off Topic Forum almost instantly, then the Monkey understands why people think that the forum has become stale.

Forgive the Monkey for attempting to entertain the people at a time when many on here seem downbeat.

Some people have no soul.

Welcome back Monkey.

I think its off-topic because the poll is about you and your choice, not house prices.

Bought in October 2005?

The monkey got bummed.

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Ladies, the Monkey will pause for a second while you regain control of your bodily functions

Thanks, I suddenly launched into an attack of PROJECTILE VOMITTING!

Your wife told the Monkey about your problem with premature and involuntary expulsion of bodily fluids upon being faced with a beutiful woman. The Monkey didn't realise that a beautiful man such as the Great One had the same effect on you too.

Sadly you are a lad in a man`s body. The forum improved greatly when you said goodbye and spammed your rantings on other forums. The prophet on SP are you?

And sadly, Fedupwaiting, you are an old man in a woman's body. Well, judging by the size of your male funbags and lack of strudel anyway.

And when the Monkey says you are "in a woman's body" he doesn't mean it that way, baby! The Monkey knows your favourite hobby is one-handed internet surfing!

Welcome back Monkey.

I think its off-topic because the poll is about you and your choice, not house prices.

Bought in October 2005?

The monkey got bummed.

Come on jabroni! And threads on how desperate women can make money and how Sam hates this site are more on-topic? Face it, this website is like a communist state and the STR Moderators are the censorship police. But thanks for welcoming the Monkey back all the same.

Actually the ratings here improved greatly

see millions of new veiwers:

http://www.alexa.com/data/details/traffic_...ricecrash.co.uk

I have never witnessed such an astounding increase in numbers here since you left, best you crawl beack to your cage and put that "candy ass monkey suit" back on

80 million hits Consa. The Monkey is impressed. But are you sure that graph isn't just showing how often you spank the one-eyed strudel?

Welcome back to HPC – the prodigal son returneth, as predicted five days ago in the five great prophesies as articulated by the very diligent but slightly inexperienced Prophet who, at great personal risk, dutifully endured the wrath of both the C4 and SP mods and several unanticipated visits to the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Avenue, and posted of HIS forthcoming arrival after exile as a wealthy homeowner in one of Phil and Kirstie’s top ten UK places to live. Let’s hope that after a slightly inauspicious return HE will tell us all about the new experience and what it’s like to live amongst the rich and famous and converse with the intellectual elite on C4 while getting to grips with the trials of leylandii trees and Jabroni tenants living next door. So what is the Monkey cooking this time? :)

The Monkey thanks you.

Sounds like the Webmaster and I are neighbours!

The Monkey thanks you.

Hello Monkey.

That pole was only going one going to go one way on here.

I've just realised I may have subconciously changed my avatar when you left, to reflect your new role :-)

The Monkey appreciates your adoration of Him.

THE EGO HAS LANDED :rolleyes:

But apparently the ability to come up with original catachphrases is still in the air.

THE CURSE OF THE MONKEY[TM]

Moderators, the Monkey says this.

The Monkey made sure that his comeback thread was about house prices. But whereas you have left all sorts of cr*p on the main board, such as how a Desperate Flatwife can make extra money, how people were fooled by an April Fool's joke and how Sam thinks Dr Bubb is a jabroni, you moved the Monkey's thread.

What could be more pertinent to the main discussion board of this site than a poll about whether the crash bottomed out last year?

You are making what everybody on the Singing Pig Forum is saying about you appear to be true. That you just don't want to hear the truth about the housing market and want to brainwash people into thinking that there will be ahouse price crash.

Jabronis, you make the Monkey sick and this is what he is going to do about it.

The Monkey is going to deprive this forum of the Most Electrifying Ape in House Price Forums Today. No longer will its readers be entertained and electrified by his Greatness.

HOWEVER, THE GREAT ONE IS ALSO GOING TO GIVE YOU THE CURSE OF THE MONKEY. ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY EACH YEAR, THE MONKEY IS GOING TO RETURN AND REMIND YOU THAT IN OCTOBER 2005, HOUSE PRICES HAD FALLEN FOR 16 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS AND YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO BUY.

This does not apply to first-time buyers who are genuinely priced out. The Monkey has nothing but sympathy for them and would be happy if house prices fell so that they could buy. There are so many nice people on this website who the Monkey has nothing but respect for.

However, the one good thing about house price inflation is seeing the STRs who would manipulate you realise that they made a massive mistake.

Until next year....

If you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

What the Monkey

Is cooking!

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Face it, this website is like a communist state and the STR Moderators are the censorship police.

Naughty Monkey you edited this part out. To my knowledge that is not entirely correct. Evidently you do not read their posts.

And sadly, Fedupwaiting, you are an old man in a woman's body. Well, judging by the size of your male funbags and lack of strudel anyway.

And when the Monkey says you are "in a woman's body" he doesn't mean it that way, baby! The Monkey knows your favourite hobby is one-handed internet surfing!

What strange dialogue for an University Lecturer, do you teach pornography? I would say you have a serious personality problem similiar to Jekyll and Hyde.

You are making what everybody on the Singing Pig Forum is saying about you appear to be true.

I see you are trashing threads over there posting as The Prophet and ollie deleted that silly topic you started.

Remember when you posted that silly monkey thread and edited saying how you must stop posting silly posts on internet forums leaving with the line move along nothing to see here. Oh yes Mr Monkey I have you hooked.

This does not apply to first-time buyers who are genuinely priced out. The Monkey has nothing but sympathy for them and would be happy if house prices fell so that they could buy. There are so many nice people on this website who the Monkey has nothing but respect for.

The words of a truly two faced hypocrite.

Jabronis, you make the Monkey sick and this is what he is going to do about it.

How about swinging from tree to tree into oblivion and let the adults get on with it.

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Your wife told the Monkey about your problem with premature and involuntary expulsion of bodily fluids upon being faced with a beutiful woman. The Monkey didn't realise that a beautiful man such as the Great One had the same effect on you too.

And sadly, Fedupwaiting, you are an old man in a woman's body. Well, judging by the size of your male funbags and lack of strudel anyway.

And when the Monkey says you are "in a woman's body" he doesn't mean it that way, baby! The Monkey knows your favourite hobby is one-handed internet surfing!

Come on jabroni! And threads on how desperate women can make money and how Sam hates this site are more on-topic? Face it, this website is like a communist state and the STR Moderators are the censorship police. But thanks for welcoming the Monkey back all the same.

80 million hits Consa. The Monkey is impressed. But are you sure that graph isn't just showing how often you spank the one-eyed strudel?

The Monkey thanks you.

The Monkey thanks you.

The Monkey appreciates your adoration of Him.

But apparently the ability to come up with original catachphrases is still in the air.

THE CURSE OF THE MONKEY[TM]

Moderators, the Monkey says this.

The Monkey made sure that his comeback thread was about house prices. But whereas you have left all sorts of cr*p on the main board, such as how a Desperate Flatwife can make extra money, how people were fooled by an April Fool's joke and how Sam thinks Dr Bubb is a jabroni, you moved the Monkey's thread.

What could be more pertinent to the main discussion board of this site than a poll about whether the crash bottomed out last year?

You are making what everybody on the Singing Pig Forum is saying about you appear to be true. That you just don't want to hear the truth about the housing market and want to brainwash people into thinking that there will be ahouse price crash.

Jabronis, you make the Monkey sick and this is what he is going to do about it.

The Monkey is going to deprive this forum of the Most Electrifying Ape in House Price Forums Today. No longer will its readers be entertained and electrified by his Greatness.

HOWEVER, THE GREAT ONE IS ALSO GOING TO GIVE YOU THE CURSE OF THE MONKEY. ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY EACH YEAR, THE MONKEY IS GOING TO RETURN AND REMIND YOU THAT IN OCTOBER 2005, HOUSE PRICES HAD FALLEN FOR 16 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS AND YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO BUY.

This does not apply to first-time buyers who are genuinely priced out. The Monkey has nothing but sympathy for them and would be happy if house prices fell so that they could buy. There are so many nice people on this website who the Monkey has nothing but respect for.

However, the one good thing about house price inflation is seeing the STRs who would manipulate you realise that they made a massive mistake.

Until next year....

If you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

What the Monkey

Is cooking!

Thanks Monkey for that last post. Nobody apart from your good jabroni self could so eloquently describe your utter despair and loss of (whatever) respect, and err... deposit you ever held on this forum.

Just for the benefit of our other posters let sum up the Monkeys 'issues':

1. His total despair at being immediately sent to 'off topic' despite all his pathetically pleading and long-winded reasons not to be moved;

2. His total loss of deposit and potential future negative nequity having bought at the peak of the market;

3. His total loss of respect with having to thank, neh... grovel thanks to posters he hardly knows nor know him;

4. His total and constant trolling. Just how many usernames can a real jabroni conceive? Its obviously the only thing he can conceive;

5. His total and constant penial and self importance obsession. The first time it was funny and childish, thereafter its just sad and lonely.

Move on! There is nothing for you to see here. :lol::lol::lol::P

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If the Monkey was smart he would have bought in July, when sentiment was down and he could have driven the vendors price down and down and down...

If he was super smart he would wait another 2-4 years!

Jabroni!

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I see Mr Monkey that the moderator at SP has deleted your Topic. :(:P:lol:

Link to the jabronis post on SP?

Or should that be the unlink to the jabroni's post on SP? :lol::lol:

We're all laughing at the pathetic monkey and his failed manhood now! What a big slack wet pussy if there ever was one! :D:P

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Ladies, the Monkey will pause for a second while you regain control of your bodily functions.

Yes ladies, the Monkey is even better looking than you remembered!

Of course, we can later ladies.

Enough now ladies - the Monkey is trying to speak here!

Thanks for the pause. I almost Peed my pants I was laughing so hard.

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Monkey,

Have you thought about a lobotomy?

My clinic will ensure a speedy exchange and completion

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Monkey,

Have you thought about a lobotomy?

My clinic will ensure a speedy exchange and completion

He must have had NurseBubb because if you read his topic title correctly it reads "the monkey IS bottom." Never a truer phrase ever written.

:lol::lol::lol::D

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Your wife told the Monkey about your problem with premature and involuntary expulsion of bodily fluids upon being faced with a beutiful woman.

Nice try. The fact that you have assumed I am a man says it all. I AM the beautiful woman you idiot!

:lol::lol:

Btw, 2006 is the Year of the Dog - NOT the Year of the Monkey. Get over yourself.

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Nice try. The fact that you have assumed I am a man says it all. I AM the beautiful woman you idiot!

Could be contentious :lol::lol::lol:

Looks like its time to spank the monkey :lol:

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Could be contentious :lol::lol::lol:

Well the smelly photocopier delivery man told me today that I was 'stunning'. :unsure:

Yep, that's right - I always get the good ones after me!! ;)

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  • 302 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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