Jump to content
House Price Crash Forum
Sign in to follow this  
BillyShears

The Future Face Of Vested Interests

Recommended Posts

As time goes by and it gets harder and harder to talk up the market, the dreaded vested interests will have to find newer and newer methods of doing so. I challenge people to come up with future vested interest articles we might see in the media. Here's mine.

GIVE ME A HOME-OWNER SAY WOMEN

A new trend has struck the dating scene. Young women seeing the impossibility of buying their own home are turning their sights on older, home-owning men. Sarah Buckingham, a 21 year old model says "Give me a choice between a fit, handsome, young guy and a fat balding middle-aged home-owner, and I'll go for the home-owner every time." Women who used to meet their match in the pubs and clubs of the city now have a new happy hunting ground, the local DIY superstore. Visiting my local B&Q, it's quite easy to spot the large number of attractive, scantily clad young women who don't seem to be buying anything, but are keeping an eye out for any single men buying designer taps. One man, wearing an old, stained t-shirt walks in, buys a wheelbarrow, and after a brief chat mentioning the magic words "my home", he leaves with one woman on each arm, whose combined ages still wouldn't exeed his. Sandra Garder (19) says "I don't care if he doesn't have two brass razoos to rub together after the interest-only mortgage payments, providing that bedroom's all his, that's all we need."

Billy Shears

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Civil Wars, Famine, Pestilence Across Planet.

Refugees flee to britain

ARLA says "BTL investments are really paying off. Think about it;

These wretched, starving, impoverished masses need somewhere to stay, right?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Or, how's about?

ALL POULTRY TO BE KEPT INDOORS! TIME TO RAISE THE RENTS!

They have to do something with those city centre high rises. Chickens sounds about right :-)

Billy Shears

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HOUSE PRICES SET TO SOAR DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING

The Council of Mortgage Lenders announced today that UK house prices will soar over the next two decades due to the accelerating effects of global warming.

Tim Diamond, team leader of the CML's Climate Science Division, said that the in-house CML Global Warming Model showed that sea levels were due to rise much faster than other scientists were predicting.

"Within the next decade alone, sea levels will rise over 5 metres," he claims. "Some 20% of the UK's housing stock will be lost to the oceans. With the consequent shortage of homes, prices will rocket. Anyone buying now is going to see unimaginable gains. Investors buying multiple BTL properties will be the country's new wealthy elite. Move over Russian oil tycoons."

Mr Diamond dismissed claims that this would mean disaster for many homeowners.

"It's true that certain homeowners in low-lying areas - London for example - may be mildly affected, with their houses totally underwater. But remember, this will have little effect on the value of their properties. Look at any statistics you like, and you'll see that in the long term house prices always rise. These owners will come out winners in the end - perhaps in 2 million years or so when a new Ice Age causes sea levels to fall again."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We're please to announce our new mobile worker mortgage. This is a mortgage that is not a charge on one property - it is a charge on hundreds, possibly even thousands. We have launched this product to fill the needs of today's mobile work force. As people have to traipse from city to city looking for work - a week here a week there - because employers find the cost of employment so high and have had to return to the days of casual labour hire - this mortgage means that, instead of having to stay in dubious and expensive worker's hostels or B&Bs - now, because each worker is a part owner of lots of properties, they can simply arrange to stay in a room in a property they part own.

The mortgage can be managed on-line and rooms booked as necessary. As time goes by, and equity builds up, if the worker is lucky enough to land a 'permanent' job - they can elect to 'go it alone' and place all their equity in one house. (This is of course a high risk option as it means all your eggs are in one basket.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"It's true that certain homeowners in low-lying areas - London for example - may be mildly affected, with their houses totally underwater. But remember, this will have little effect on the value of their properties. Look at any statistics you like, and you'll see that in the long term house prices always rise.

:lol: Very good, it could really have come from the CML.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Women who used to meet their match in the pubs and clubs of the city now have a new happy hunting ground, the local DIY superstore. Visiting my local B&Q, it's quite easy to spot the large number of attractive, scantily clad young women who don't seem to be buying anything, but are keeping an eye out for any single men buying designer taps.

Billy Shears

I went to B&Q and Homebase twice last week. I still don't have a supermodel on my arm.

Mind you, I do have some nice taps! :D

Nomadd

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • 302 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.