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Bingley Bloke

The Ant And The Grasshopper

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The Ant and the grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a

fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the

ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or

shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a

fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the

ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why

the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less

fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper,

with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead

with a table laden with food.

The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor

grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving

Babies Party and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the

ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special

from Grimsby with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall

Overcome."

The Lord Mayor of London, Ken Livingston laments in an interview with

Panorama that the ant has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and

calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair

share".

In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and

Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the

summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire

grasshoppers as helpers.

Without enough money to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive

taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council.

The ant moves to France, and starts a successful agribiz company [funded

by the British via EU subsidies].

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the

ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house

he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around

him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed; Diane Abbot is appointed to head

a commission of enquiry that will cost £10m.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames it on

the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair

arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised

by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who

promptly set up a marijuana growing operations and terrorise the

community.

THE END

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Very good

I think the true life version is simpler – the minority think that the grasshopper should be house and feed and can have as many children as desired all at the cost of the ant –it will be so - the end.

Edited by look to the past

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ah, but suppose the ant loses his job...

Can all the ants lose their jobs though – if only 50% of the ants lose there jobs won’t the others start to hide there food

Edited by look to the past

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In reality the ant buys two houses and attempts to rent one to the grasshopper (who couldn't prepare for winter as he was at grasshopper college) saying "supply and demand"

Eventually, the grasshoppers get angry at being shut out, ignored, mocked and derided for being 6 months too late and start a grasshopper revolution.

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i'm sick to death of ants does anyone know how to get rid of them effectively - from the garden that is.

Use Grasshoppers.

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Guest Winners and Losers

i'm sick to death of ants does anyone know how to get rid of them effectively - from the garden that is.

Ant Powder

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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