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I'm not entirely sure I understand life

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9 minutes ago, Riedquat said:

[...]

Anyway comparing yourself against others is a fairly pointless exercise. Why care if a behaviour is normal or not? Think more about what you really want life to be, no need to do something just because lots of others do, particularly if you think it's vain superficial nonsense.

Well said.

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1 hour ago, Riedquat said:

Sure, that's what it seems, but since they're permanently stuck looking for more "success" I can't help wondering what it is they actually get out of life. Lots of banal and superficial desires as far as I can see. That's why I think you need to watch out for people who dismiss anything as "sentimental" or "subjective" - well, if those don't matter to you, and you're not struggling for survival, just what on earth are you getting from anything else? Wouldn't be a problem if they didn't so utterly feck up the world around them.

Anyway comparing yourself against others is a fairly pointless exercise. Why care if a behaviour is normal or not? Think more about what you really want life to be, no need to do something just because lots of others do, particularly if you think it's vain superficial nonsense.

+1

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1 hour ago, Riedquat said:

 

Anyway comparing yourself against others is a fairly pointless exercise. Why care if a behaviour is normal or not? Think more about what you really want life to be, no need to do something just because lots of others do, particularly if you think it's vain superficial nonsense.

i always found the problem to be others comparing me to others and making statements of not being normal.  sadly we have no control over that one. 

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On 15/01/2019 at 21:21, Sausage said:

I struggle with many things that most people find natural, bearable or even downright enjoyable:

Small talk. Socializing. Family meet ups. Parties. Watching TV. Recieving presents. Surprises. Food that I haven't chosen and cooked.

Is this normal? Am I just introverted?

Could be just a touch of social anxiety, quite common in variable degrees.;)

https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety

https://www.everydayhealth.com/social-anxiety-disorder/guide/

Lots of self help books and videos out there.

Edited by winkie

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1 hour ago, longgone said:

i always found the problem to be others comparing me to others and making statements of not being normal.  sadly we have no control over that one. 

... well, that's the viral affect of 'success'.

Remember way back, when your mates all lived similar lives and shared stuff? Maybe it was a den, a tree-house, a dorm or digs. Then everyone got infected with materialism. That's when they stopped sharing and started competing. Now you don't have friends, just yard-sticks.

It's alright to spout stuff about leading the life you want, but what if that means sharing life with others - others who would much rather compete.

So, I'm coming across as all commie, and that's not how I see myself at all ... mostly because I am a pragmatist: the human race seems to need to compete, and I recognise a strong trait within myself.

In other words, I have no chance of getting what I want at this stage of my life. It happened when I was young, and it will probably happen when I'm in an old folks home. Was I happy? Will I be happy? 'Course not. I'm too independent to have liked /like either scenario.

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You may have a touch of the 'tism as others have said.

I agree on small talk though, it's pretty inane although I suppose you have to start somewhere to get to know someone. I have a work colleague who can repeat the same boring small talk story word for word, beat for beat three times in a row and not be bored by it. 

Family - agree, pain in the ****.

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15 hours ago, Ghostly said:

I have a work colleague who can repeat the same boring small talk story word for word, beat for beat three times in a row and not be bored by it. 

Ha ha, yes I know the type. He probably is too insensitive to appreciate it. What ...ism does he have?

I can understand the OP. I have such difficulty with inane office banter and some peoples sense of humour, which is unoriginal and limited. They stick to the script.

 

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The OP is thinking about other people's thoughts. In fact, he's thought so much, he has decided to enquire about other people's thoughts on other people's thoughts.

I'm no shrink, but does that really sound like ASD to you??

As F implies above, banging on ad infinitum about the same small talk w/o being tired of the subject is probably more ASD than asking about other people's feelings.

That's the curious thing about a society who will immediately brand, say, cosplayers, as ASD, whilst simultaneously believing footie nerds to be normal. Don't confuse lack of interest in content with mental disorders.

Sure, if people choose hobbies etc that are unpopular, largely to avoid human contact, there's a problem. But finding yourself disinterested in a new wave of junk tv is hardly the same thing.

Are we really saying that switching off Strictly puts you in a 'special' category?

Edited by Sledgehead

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18 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

... well, that's the viral affect of 'success'.

Remember way back, when your mates all lived similar lives and shared stuff? Maybe it was a den, a tree-house, a dorm or digs. Then everyone got infected with materialism. That's when they stopped sharing and started competing. Now you don't have friends, just yard-sticks.

It's alright to spout stuff about leading the life you want, but what if that means sharing life with others - others who would much rather compete.

So, I'm coming across as all commie, and that's not how I see myself at all ... mostly because I am a pragmatist: the human race seems to need to compete, and I recognise a strong trait within myself.

In other words, I have no chance of getting what I want at this stage of my life. It happened when I was young, and it will probably happen when I'm in an old folks home. Was I happy? Will I be happy? 'Course not. I'm too independent to have liked /like either scenario.

True some of that comparing ones life was a tool to use to get a better job earn more money become more socially acceptable in the social circle at the time. 

i got to about 25 and then realized i did not really care about material stuff anyway and then got rid of negative parties in my life who directly tried to continually put me down. even though they were far better off than me. 

i often wonder why someone who has everything deliberately tries to put someone down who has a little success in their life.  

superiority complex or jealousy not sure which. 

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3 hours ago, longgone said:

i often wonder why someone who has everything deliberately tries to put someone down who has a little success in their life.  

superiority complex or jealousy not sure which. 

my experience is it is usually the opposite: inferiority complex, aka chip on shoulder.

hence Enfield's choice of reet-northerner spouting "Oy am connnnn-siderably richer than yow!"

hence slum rappers braggadocio put-downs.

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7 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

 

Are we really saying that switching off Strictly puts you in a 'special' category?

Borderline special. Sadly.

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19 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

my experience is it is usually the opposite: inferiority complex, aka chip on shoulder.

hence Enfield's choice of reet-northerner spouting "Oy am connnnn-siderably richer than yow!"

hence slum rappers braggadocio put-downs.

Guy in question was born a multi millionaire  first house at 24 was 850k in 2003 ! and he had many more places. 

so no reason to piss on the pleb with a one bad flat.  

i guess if you have nothing to aspire to other than more money everyone is crap, well in their eyes. 

 

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I've had a great day today .... did a bike ride (indoors, on a trainer) but felt good to build up a sweat and release some endorphins. Then got a load of laundry done. Started cooking a big curry. Listened to some music (James McMurty - highly recommended Americana. Every song is  a story). Soon I'll be watching a movie.... bliss.  All alone though .... which is fine by me.

On 16/01/2019 at 07:10, desertorchid said:

Do you have a family?

I would hazard a guess not. IME most men would happily avoid or at least ambivalent about most of those things. However, introduce, girlfriend, wife, kids etc and they become a general necessity to keep everyone happy and hold down a job, home etc and general hold everything together. In the end you recognize their value (except parties, unless for young children).

Yes ... wife and 2 young kids :)  I love them to bits .... perhaps as they're the family I have built for myself ... rather than tiresome colleagues/family/strangers that seem to suck the life out of me?

I have often wondered whether I'm on the 'tism spectrum .... but then we probably all are! I do think I experience Anhedonia often. I have also been on anti-depressants for most of last 13 years .... so I am deffo special!  

A big source of unhappiness (which may trigger the introvert in me, plus depression) is that I have drifted through my career, rarely enjoying it. I feel trapped though as it pays decent wage, and a career change may lead to drop in salary. I can barely afford to by my first house as it is!

Anyway, thanks for listening folks :)

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I for one don't empathise with the one-upmanship over housing. Shelter, comfort, a handy location, a haven even. But not a f##king status symbol. I don't get it. And this infects every part of life - work, friends, family.

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I believe the OP could have also included bureaucracy amongst his confusions of modern life: that set of purposes and actions that seem entirely deficient of ... well, purpose and action.

If you haven't yet done so, see how life could be (unless the failure to have taken this route already might  drive you over the edge of the depression pit):

Ben Fogle, New Lives in the Wild: Canada

 

 

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On 19/01/2019 at 17:03, Sausage said:

I've had a great day today .... did a bike ride (indoors, on a trainer) but felt good to build up a sweat and release some endorphins. Then got a load of laundry done. Started cooking a big curry. Listened to some music (James McMurty - highly recommended Americana. Every song is  a story). Soon I'll be watching a movie.... bliss.  All alone though .... which is fine by me.

Yes ... wife and 2 young kids :)  I love them to bits .... perhaps as they're the family I have built for myself ... rather than tiresome colleagues/family/strangers that seem to suck the life out of me?

I have often wondered whether I'm on the 'tism spectrum .... but then we probably all are! I do think I experience Anhedonia often. I have also been on anti-depressants for most of last 13 years .... so I am deffo special!  

A big source of unhappiness (which may trigger the introvert in me, plus depression) is that I have drifted through my career, rarely enjoying it. I feel trapped though as it pays decent wage, and a career change may lead to drop in salary. I can barely afford to by my first house as it is!

Anyway, thanks for listening folks :)

surely if they worked you would look at life in a more optimistic way.  ?

i read you put on weight with the pills. 

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1 hour ago, longgone said:

surely if they worked you would look at life in a more optimistic way.  ?

i read you put on weight with the pills. 

If it really is just him that's the issue. Being depressed is IMO a rational reaction to life, seeing how it's constantly getting more unpleasant unless you're a superficial materialist.

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7 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

If you haven't yet done so, see how life could be (unless the failure to have taken this route already might  drive you over the edge of the depression pit):

Ben Fogle, New Lives in the Wild: Canada

Yes. I'm watching a reality TV show about people living in the wilds of Alaska. They don't spend much time worrying about understanding life, because if they don't do what needs to be done, they die.

Animals aren't meant to live in a world where life is easy, and survival is disconnected from their actions. It drives them crazy. Look up the Mouse Utopia experiments if you really want to understand the modern world.

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2 hours ago, Riedquat said:

If it really is just him that's the issue. Being depressed is IMO a rational reaction to life, seeing how it's constantly getting more unpleasant unless you're a superficial materialist.

Feels that way. Unless you are striving for the latest materialistic items Western life makes little sense.

No desire to own a £1000 phone or 50k car. Just a simple carefree life without stress and free from negative external influences and a positive outlook on life and secure housing and income would do me. Can't take it with you. Seems competition for basic things is open to exploitation though.

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10 minutes ago, MarkG said:

Yes. I'm watching a reality TV show about people living in the wilds of Alaska. They don't spend much time worrying about understanding life, because if they don't do what needs to be done, they die.

Animals aren't meant to live in a world where life is easy, and survival is disconnected from their actions. It drives them crazy. Look up the Mouse Utopia experiments if you really want to understand the modern world.

I see where you're coming from but pets often seem happy enough. The cat curled up on the sofa here does at any rate.

That said I do think life is too hands off. People look back and shy away from having a bit more hands on when they see medieval peasants or Victorian factory workers (which is understandable), and it's a basic instinct to be lazy - preserving scarce energy made sense where we evolved, but I think (entirely my unsupported opinion mind you) that it leaves people too disconnected from the world. They're not involved enough in keeping themselves going. Some people can get by with constant distractions from that (and the increasingly uninspiring surroundings we seem hell-bent on creating in the name of "progress"), but not everyone. It's good that we've got rid of a lot of genuine hardship but we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

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1 hour ago, Riedquat said:

I see where you're coming from but pets often seem happy enough. The cat curled up on the sofa here does at any rate.

In my experience, cats go crazy if they're kept locked-up in a house for too long. They need to get out in the wild to stay sane.

Ours would curl up on the sofa during the day, then go out at night to fight other cats and kill stuff.

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8 hours ago, longgone said:

surely if they worked you would look at life in a more optimistic way.  ?

i read you put on weight with the pills. 

They tend to smooth out the peaks and troughs

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