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Sausage

I'm not entirely sure I understand life

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I struggle with many things that most people find natural, bearable or even downright enjoyable:

Small talk. Socializing. Family meet ups. Parties. Watching TV. Recieving presents. Surprises. Food that I haven't chosen and cooked.

Is this normal? Am I just introverted?

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9 hours ago, Sausage said:

I struggle with many things that most people find natural, bearable or even downright enjoyable:

Small talk. Socializing. Family meet ups. Parties. Watching TV. Recieving presents. Surprises. Food that I haven't chosen and cooked.

Is this normal? Am I just introverted?

Do you have a family?

I would hazard a guess not. IME most men would happily avoid or at least ambivalent about most of those things. However, introduce, girlfriend, wife, kids etc and they become a general necessity to keep everyone happy and hold down a job, home etc and general hold everything together. In the end you recognize their value (except parties, unless for young children).

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11 hours ago, Sausage said:

I struggle with many things that most people find natural, bearable or even downright enjoyable:

Small talk. Socializing. Family meet ups. Parties. Watching TV. Recieving presents. Surprises. Food that I haven't chosen and cooked.

Is this normal? Am I just introverted?

Most men are the same. I am far worse than that though try getting zero pleasure from anything but continue to force your way through life knowing that it adds up to fluckall in the end anyway.

Society dictates we must be continually striving and being better or richer than the year before or own more stuff for achievement. 

Personally I would like a home paid off and a low stress job or business to keep me occupied till I kick the bucket. This seems an impossible task though can't have either unless high stress involved. Neither will give me pleasure but you know you need them to survive and survive for what exactly to continue the same pointless cycle.

 

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You might indeed be naturally introverted but that doesn't mean you have be unhappy!

If you have never done this exact test before try going on www.16personalities.com and take their test for free which despite some shortcomings (Myers Briggs) I think is a vital first step in finding out that you are not unique in your struggles or personality type.

After that I would recommend reading the following which is a great overview of what happiness actually is https://www.njlifehacks.com/how-to-be-happy/

Another couple of really useful processes for me when I was struggling with life a bit a few years ago was reading about Stoicism which the njlifehacks site above also has a good introduction on. 

Finally try and find some real time to come up with around 5 core values that you think are best for you - not what you think others think you should be. With these you can then use these to guide you in all life decisions - both business and pleasure and if you're life compliments these everything becomes a lot less effort and happier 🙏

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12 hours ago, Sausage said:

I struggle with many things that most people find natural, bearable or even downright enjoyable:

Small talk. Socializing. Family meet ups. Parties. Watching TV. Recieving presents. Surprises. Food that I haven't chosen and cooked.

Is this normal? Am I just introverted?

Absolutely! I'm exactly the same.  FWIW a copy of the daily stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman might help, i got this as a present last year and it got me out of a bit of a funk although i still truly despise life (or more accurately what we're supposed to value that makes a life worthy in this age: money, wealth, standing etc) for the sheer pointlessness of it all.

I share longgone's sentiments, lifes a ton of stress and then you die, in truth all i've been doing these last ten years is surviving, on every level - and yet i'm told i've never been so lucky to have lived in an age where everything's possible. Yet i never seem to have the time for anything as work (self employed joiner) occupies almost every waking moment and for what? To just about keep my head above water. 

My life has become so many pink floyd lyrics its worrying.............................

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https://www.verywellhealth.com/is-it-asperger-syndrome-259942

  • Difficulty with social and communication skills (the ability to "read" body language, understand sarcasm, etc.),
  • Sensitivity to loud noise, bright lights, and other sensory input
  • Difficulty with changes in routines
  • Desire to talk and think about only a few topics of special interest
  • Challenges with empathy (imagining what other people are thinking or feeling)

 

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1 hour ago, Flopsy said:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/is-it-asperger-syndrome-259942

  • Difficulty with social and communication skills (the ability to "read" body language, understand sarcasm, etc.),
  • Sensitivity to loud noise, bright lights, and other sensory input
  • Difficulty with changes in routines
  • Desire to talk and think about only a few topics of special interest
  • Challenges with empathy (imagining what other people are thinking or feeling)

 

 

Cheers Flopsy. As someone who feels just like the OP, I found that very insightful.

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Also worth making a note to appreciate the things you do find enjoyable, for balance :)

Negative thoughts can spiral  rapidly unless we are vigilant. 

 

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54 minutes ago, PeanutButter said:

Also worth making a note to appreciate the things you do find enjoyable, for balance :)

 

 

Not sure you fully empathised there.

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4 minutes ago, Sledgehead said:

Not sure you fully empathised there.

:) Many people struggle with the subtleties of communication both online and IRL. Hopefully the OP feels supported here. 

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I think you and I have  similar personality traits @Sausage  :)

10 hours ago, longgone said:

Personally I would like a home paid off and a low stress job or business to keep me occupied till I kick the bucket. This seems an impossible task though can't have either unless high stress involved. Neither will give me pleasure but you know you need them to survive and survive for what exactly to continue the same pointless cycle.

Agreed.

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3 hours ago, MattW said:

I think you and I have  similar personality traits @Sausage  :)

Agreed.

Ditto.

It's like OT suddenly blossomed into an AA* meeting.

_____________________________

* Anhedonics anonymous

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8 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

 

Cheers Flopsy. As someone who feels just like the OP, I found that very insightful.

Seems to be in my family but mainly the women for some reason.

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I can imagine the meeting

so longgone how long have you been addicted to Anhedonia ? hmm from when i was born. 

do you lack trust and question everything in life ?. definitely. 

do you trust anyone ?. No

where do you excel in life ? i excel at making life  depressing for myself and those around me  as they live in blissful ignorance .

Thanks for coming, Next please. 

Do i get my money back.

 

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Making my own quotes. 

"Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.i was born with the remains of a red pill in my mouth."  

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14 hours ago, longgone said:

Most men are the same. I am far worse than that though try getting zero pleasure from anything but continue to force your way through life knowing that it adds up to fluckall in the end anyway.

Society dictates we must be continually striving and being better or richer than the year before or own more stuff for achievement. 

Personally I would like a home paid off and a low stress job or business to keep me occupied till I kick the bucket. This seems an impossible task though can't have either unless high stress involved. Neither will give me pleasure but you know you need them to survive and survive for what exactly to continue the same pointless cycle.

 

Ack what you say here, and suspect you will agree on another aspect wrt "success". Watching 'entrepreneurs' merely emphasises my 'otherness'. The "passions" they have, their goals etc, mostly strike me as pedestrian / exploitative / selfish / damaging / negligent / stupid / embarrassing. Yet I know they are perfectly aligned with the desires of society and will doubtless stand a better chance of 'success' than anything I could get any enthusiasm for. How can you motivate yourself in such circumstances? As Paul Arden, the since deceased creative director of hey-day Saatchi & Saatchi wrote: "You search for perfection but all that is required is mediocrity." And he wrote motivational books and thought advertising was worth the candle ffs!!!

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11 minutes ago, Flopsy said:

Seems to be in my family ....

Seems it is: I was being sarcastic! 😃😃

Please don't go branding us antisocial miseries with lack of empathy. It's the paucity of it in others that bring us to the conclusion we'd be better off w/o them.

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4 minutes ago, Sledgehead said:

Ack what you say here, and suspect you will agree on another aspect wrt "success". Watching 'entrepreneurs' merely emphasises my 'otherness'. The "passions" they have, their goals etc, mostly strike me as pedestrian / exploitative / selfish / damaging / negligent / stupid / embarrassing. Yet I know they are perfectly aligned with the desires of society and will doubtless stand a better chance of 'success' than anything I could get any enthusiasm for. How can you motivate yourself in such circumstances? As Paul Arden, the since deceased creative director of hey-day Saatchi & Saatchi wrote: "You search for perfection but all that is required is mediocrity." And he wrote motivational books and thought advertising was worth the candle ffs!!!

Depends what "entrepreneur" actually means ?. Arthur Daley type hustling and BS`ing his way through life till you get to the top of the steaming pile of  brown self gratification ,get famous and then encourage other grifter types to follow the same process but become even more ruthless than before. i do not understand what entrepreneur means. 

success = whatever you want it to be.  what is success to a billionaire who already has everything.  what is success to a homeless person ?

To me there is no success as we all flucking die. Death is permanent and success is temporary  all it does is make the journey easier. 

in the end it is what you leave behind  a discovery or legacy or offspring that have a chance of changing things if you can`t do anything in your lifetime. 

most of the plebs have their life already dictated to them already as money is the only power on our planet when you have to spend it in the same corrupt shop as everyone else. 

 

 

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 "You search for perfection but all that is required is mediocrity."

Perfection is the enemy of good enough. Try to live a life that is "good enough". That's enough for any man, surely...

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As mentioned above, possibly traits of autism or Asperger's. You could just be borderline but all the same....

Also, could be traits of living South of the Watford Gap.

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3 hours ago, Si1 said:

As mentioned above, possibly traits of autism or Asperger's. You could just be borderline but all the same....

Also, could be traits of living South of the Watford Gap.

more than likely. 

if your not a millionaire your life will be chit.

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14 hours ago, Sledgehead said:

Ack what you say here, and suspect you will agree on another aspect wrt "success". Watching 'entrepreneurs' merely emphasises my 'otherness'. The "passions" they have, their goals etc, mostly strike me as pedestrian / exploitative / selfish / damaging / negligent / stupid / embarrassing. Yet I know they are perfectly aligned with the desires of society and will doubtless stand a better chance of 'success' than anything I could get any enthusiasm for. How can you motivate yourself in such circumstances? As Paul Arden, the since deceased creative director of hey-day Saatchi & Saatchi wrote: "You search for perfection but all that is required is mediocrity." And he wrote motivational books and thought advertising was worth the candle ffs!!!

Sure, that's what it seems, but since they're permanently stuck looking for more "success" I can't help wondering what it is they actually get out of life. Lots of banal and superficial desires as far as I can see. That's why I think you need to watch out for people who dismiss anything as "sentimental" or "subjective" - well, if those don't matter to you, and you're not struggling for survival, just what on earth are you getting from anything else? Wouldn't be a problem if they didn't so utterly feck up the world around them.

Anyway comparing yourself against others is a fairly pointless exercise. Why care if a behaviour is normal or not? Think more about what you really want life to be, no need to do something just because lots of others do, particularly if you think it's vain superficial nonsense.

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  • 295 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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