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winkie

Legal Marriage what is the point?

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Religious marriage, if religious no problem.......but what is the point of a legal marriage if not for finance or a passport.......happy healthy relationships do not need a legal piece of paper.....who makes money from marriage? who makes money from divorce?.......surely two people who love one another will not love one another more if they get married......:unsure:

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Related to this:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-44949856

...?

I was wondering this myself.

I am not sure why she can't move on with her life until this is resolved unless EITHER:

i) it is a money thing OR

ii) she wishes to marry someone else

Unless it is a religious thing for this couple, or from the perspective of the husband who refuses to progress on divorce.

Hmmm ... I don't know.

Personally, I think a religious person would rather not have their 'ideal' (?) of "marriage-before-(a)-deity" confused with a largely commercial decision, surely?

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No children to consider should just walk away, call it a day......any long-term relationship that involves children and finances of course requires two people to talk sensibly about how things need to be divided, perhaps with a mediator......common sense.....but why should the law be involved with that as well as a legal divorce with reasons why some should stick together and some should not??.....why should married people have preferential financial treatment, could never understand that one....I know many people that have longer non-married relationships than some married people do that only last five minutes.....know of some that have multiple marriages and divorces....what is the point of that???;)

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14 minutes ago, renting til I die said:

Sign of commitment, makes it harder to walk away...

I say this but there is almost no chance I would get married again.

Oh, big benefits if one of the couple dies!

Harder to walk away.....don't get that one......are you taking about harder to walk away because of finance?... or happiness?......if a person dies...OK why should a married person get preferential treatment if only together a few weeks with no kids, rather than a non-married couple with a few kids together for many years.....???;)

Edited by winkie

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Does marriage benefit Men?

Does marriage benefit Women?

Does marriage benefit Lawyers?

Does marriage benefit Society in this modern age?

Does marriage benefit business and the economy?

Does marriage benefit governments?

Does marriage benefit children in long-term, stable healthy relationships...married or not?;)

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1 hour ago, winkie said:

Religious marriage, if religious no problem.......but what is the point of a legal marriage if not for finance or a passport.......happy healthy relationships do not need a legal piece of paper.....who makes money from marriage? who makes money from divorce?.......surely two people who love one another will not love one another more if they get married......:unsure:

Exactly if you aren’t a believer what’s the point 

I think if you are it’s romantic and ageless and that feels good and connects us with the ancients 

But all subjective - but then again faith isn’t about facts and practicality it’s about believing there is something better than just what us apes created 

But whatever you say my experience is the majority of woman like the romantic aspect of marriage whatever they might say to protect their secular principles 

‘happy healthy relationships ‘ sounds a bit 21st century to me IMHO - that’s why the founding fathers talk about the pursuit of happiness not a constant state 

A great marriage for me was (and is) a prize worth fighting for. When I lay down at night and just rest a hand on my wife’s back we aren’t connected to a divorce lawyer or a tax break - we are part of the ancients and in a F**** up world that’s a great comfort 

 

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25 minutes ago, GregBowman said:

Exactly if you aren’t a believer what’s the point 

I think if you are it’s romantic and ageless and that feels good and connects us with the ancients 

But all subjective - but then again faith isn’t about facts and practicality it’s about believing there is something better than just what us apes created 

But whatever you say my experience is the majority of woman like the romantic aspect of marriage whatever they might say to protect their secular principles 

‘happy healthy relationships ‘ sounds a bit 21st century to me IMHO - that’s why the founding fathers talk about the pursuit of happiness not a constant state 

A great marriage for me was (and is) a prize worth fighting for. When I lay down at night and just rest a hand on my wife’s back we aren’t connected to a divorce lawyer or a tax break - we are part of the ancients and in a F**** up world that’s a great comfort 

 

Stick to bikes, Bowman. Please.😂

 

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Been married for 27 years now and my take on it is if you find the right person, absolutely the right person, who shares your values, dreams, hopes and fears then it is a wonderful way to spend your life.

If the question is "What's the point?" then marriage isn't for you. 

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Agree with all the points made......not talking about weddings, talking about actually having to get married legally.....being married for 27 years is good, being with a soulmate for 27 years is good.....what has having to get married got to do with it????......help!😉

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Not tying the knot suits some. 

However I've known of  a few long term couples where an unwillingness to take that legal  step has been more on one side than the other. 

And then, after 9 or 10 years or whatever, that unwilling one is suddenly off with somebody else, and hey presto, they're getting hitched!  

And the old partner is left devastated, and finally understands that all the guff the ex talked about it just being a totally unnecessary piece of paper, was because deep down, they didn't want to commit to that partner. 

If both parties are entirely happy with no piece of paper, fine, but I suspect that the above scenario is not all that uncommon. 

Edited by Mrs Bear

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3 hours ago, GeneCernan said:

Been married for 27 years now and my take on it is if you find the right person, absolutely the right person, who shares your values, dreams, hopes and fears then it is a wonderful way to spend your life.

If the question is "What's the point?" then marriage isn't for you. 

god i hope there is not another one like me. 

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8 hours ago, Mrs Bear said:

Not tying the knot suits some. 

However I've known of  a few long term couples where an unwillingness to take that legal  step has been more on one side than the other. 

And then, after 9 or 10 years or whatever, that unwilling one is suddenly off with somebody else, and hey presto, they're getting hitched!  

And the old partner is left devastated, and finally understands that all the guff the ex talked about it just being a totally unnecessary piece of paper, was because deep down, they didn't want to commit to that partner. 

If both parties are entirely happy with no piece of paper, fine, but I suspect that the above scenario is not all that uncommon. 

Mrs so you must be married or have been married.....Bear is your husband's name?.....Mr is private, Mrs is public.........why are women with kids are often titled as Mrs?...married or not?

'Tying the knot' is a strange discription to describe a long-term committed loving relationship.....do only married people 'tie the knot'........what about untying it, surely married people all the time are doing that?

My point is why should certain people feel they have a better relationship because they told the world and the state that they will stay together in sickness and health, richer or poorer, till death do them part when many won't......why should they get special tax breaks and looked upon as better than others who can often be in longer, happier and loving relationships... unmarried.....buying homes together, having children together, joint financial commitments etc.

Divorce.....why should a breakdown in a relationship have to go though that?.....does getting married prevent divorce?...make unhappy people stay married?........does marriage make people stay together, bit of a farce imo.😉

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9 hours ago, GeneCernan said:

Been married for 27 years now and my take on it is if you find the right person, absolutely the right person, who shares your values, dreams, hopes and fears then it is a wonderful way to spend your life.

If the question is "What's the point?" then marriage isn't for you. 

+1

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10 hours ago, GeneCernan said:

Been married for 27 years now and my take on it is if you find the right person, absolutely the right person, who shares your values, dreams, hopes and fears then it is a wonderful way to spend your life.

If the question is "What's the point?" then marriage isn't for you. 

You are both blessed to have found that special one ........ what about those who thought they had, the people that took marriage vows and ignored the lot.......what I am saying is why would a legal piece of paper make people stay together if the person they married turned out not to be the person they thought they had married?

This has nothing to do with happy long-term relationships, a legal document will not do that, this is to do with thinking it has the power to make a happy long-term relationship more probable......people marying sometimes for the wrong reasons, why would someone want to do that?😉

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13 hours ago, winkie said:

Does marriage benefit Men?

Does marriage benefit Women?

Does marriage benefit Lawyers?

Does marriage benefit Society in this modern age?

Does marriage benefit business and the economy?

Does marriage benefit governments?

Does marriage benefit children in long-term, stable healthy relationships...married or not?;)

Your post is massively cynical, as if marriage is somehow a "trick" that one group of people are using to exploit others.

Instead it's a free choice.

Society no longer frowns upon couples living together without being married.  Therefore if people are getting married you have to believe they are choosing freely to do it because they think it benefits them (or their children). 

Of course marriage also benefits a bunch of other people, from wedding cake makers to divorce lawyers, but those people are just reacting to a market opportunity.  If marriages stop happening they'll switch to other jobs.

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1 minute ago, scottbeard said:

Your post is massively cynical, as if marriage is somehow a "trick" that one group of people are using to exploit others.

Instead it's a free choice.

Society no longer frowns upon couples living together without being married.  Therefore if people are getting married you have to believe they are choosing freely to do it because they think it benefits them (or their children). 

Of course marriage also benefits a bunch of other people, from wedding cake makers to divorce lawyers, but those people are just reacting to a market opportunity.  If marriages stop happening they'll switch to other jobs.

The reason why marriage might look cynical to some is because so many enter it willingly and break that commitment just as willingly......is marriage lossing some of its creditability?

Why are partnerships where not 'married' be treated differently, why should children of unmarried happiliy together parents be any different to 'married' parents.......why do women choose to lose their birth name?

You are right thankfully people who live together tend not to be treated differently by society, but the law still treats them differently.😉

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If you have a few quid in the bank meeting the wrong woman can be expensive in so many ways. I never believed in gold diggers, seriously 🙂 I was that naive, but as so shocked when in real life I found out how ruthless and manipulative some women can be(I know men can be as well), even had a run in once with a gold digger myself.  A lot of you can also con yourself into believing love conquers all, and in some cases it does, but I have know so many women who would not even entertain you if you never owned your own home or was heavily mortgaged in your own home

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15 hours ago, Aidan Ap Word said:

Related to this:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-44949856

...?

I was wondering this myself.

I am not sure why she can't move on with her life until this is resolved unless EITHER:

i) it is a money thing OR

ii) she wishes to marry someone else

Unless it is a religious thing for this couple, or from the perspective of the husband who refuses to progress on divorce.

Hmmm ... I don't know.

Personally, I think a religious person would rather not have their 'ideal' (?) of "marriage-before-(a)-deity" confused with a largely commercial decision, surely?

What is the point of her marrying more than once?.....what is the point of past childbearing age couples getting married?........do people always marry for love or is it the legal benefits part of it  that seals the deal?.....a financial transaction?😉

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2 hours ago, winkie said:

Mrs so you must be married or have been married.....Bear is your husband's name?.....Mr is private, Mrs is public.........why are women with kids are often titled as Mrs?...married or not?

'Tying the knot' is a strange discription to describe a long-term committed loving relationship.....do only married people 'tie the knot'........what about untying it, surely married people all the time are doing that?

My point is why should certain people feel they have a better relationship because they told the world and the state that they will stay together in sickness and health, richer or poorer, till death do them part when many won't......why should they get special tax breaks and looked upon as better than others who can often be in longer, happier and loving relationships... unmarried.....buying homes together, having children together, joint financial commitments etc.

Divorce.....why should a breakdown in a relationship have to go though that?.....does getting married prevent divorce?...make unhappy people stay married?........does marriage make people stay together, bit of a farce imo.😉

'Tying the knot' is just a very common expression for getting married.  

You seem to have completely missed the point of my post, I.e. that remaining unmarried is absolutely fine - if both parties are entirely happy with it.  

I don't see why you having a go at the institution of marriage, anyway.  Unlike former times, nobody is forced to marry anyone if they don't want to.  (Well, in trad. UK culture anyway.) Live and let live. You seem to be harbouring some sort of resentment or antipathy towards those who do. 

Mr B and I married a very long time ago.  Having been round the block a bit I knew then that I would never feel the same about anybody else - that has never changed - and I think I can safely say that Mr B is/was  the same. Perhaps we are just lucky, but I have no issue with anyone who prefers not to bother with the piece of paper. One of our daughters has a long term partner and I don't think either of them will ever be bothered about getting married.  Which is 100% fine - as long as they are happy that's all I care about. 

Of course as our law stands, there can be disadvantages to being paper-less, esp. as regards next of kin issues, or if either partner has been daft enough to die without making a will.  Unfortunately there are very common misconceptions about a partner's rights in a so-called common law marriage.  

 

 

Edited by Mrs Bear

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