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Dave Beans

Our Eurovision entry

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That Father Ted episode revealed to the nation what had clearly been an open secret in broadcasting for years: nobody wants to win it because nobody wants the costs of hosting it.

I think we may however be being a tad too obvious by selecting such rubbish these days.

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5 hours ago, DTMark said:

I suspect that all of those will have us performing about as well as we usually do.

The last two on the page are probably the best.

I don't know if its me, but they all sound exactly the same as one another.  

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6 hours ago, Dave Beans said:

..is apparently going to be one of these...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-38718362

If there was ever a time to pull out of Eurovision surely now is it. I used to enjoy it (well at least the voting) but now it has gone too far with mass block voting for your neighbours.  

I never believed it was/is an anti uk thing as Germany/France/Spain usually do pretty badly too and the Irish rarely qualify, come to think of it most of the old-central European countries don't often get a look in.

It adds insult to injury that the uk are one of the major contributors to the whole nonsense (hence how we always get a bye into the finals).

They must either split it into east/west Europe or just abandon the whole thing.

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38 minutes ago, lulu said:

If there was ever a time to pull out of Eurovision surely now is it. I used to enjoy it (well at least the voting) but now it has gone too far with mass block voting for your neighbours.  

I never believed it was/is an anti uk thing as Germany/France/Spain usually do pretty badly too and the Irish rarely qualify, come to think of it most of the old-central European countries don't often get a look in.

It adds insult to injury that the uk are one of the major contributors to the whole nonsense (hence how we always get a bye into the finals).

They must either split it into east/west Europe or just abandon the whole thing.

Tbh I think our entries of late have been about the worst. We seem to have lost the art of writing a melody and Eurovision probably reflects the state of UK popular music. We used to have the very best composers of popular music in the world, now barring Adele we don't. 

The likes of Mercury, Lennon, John, Gibb were all competing with each other and raising the standard right down to second tier composers such as would have written for Eurovision..

It's baffling how we were once the best in the world and we are now one of the worst. So much so that we haven't come up with anything remotely musical or resembling a melody for Eurovision for at least a decade.

I'm not knocking the current youth, their priorities and creativity changed. Once we produced composers now we produce athletes( for exampe).

Back in the 70s our sporting prowess was as bad as our music is now.

It's telling that we have had to go with fading composers like Webber and  Engelbert Humperdinck in recent years out of desperation.

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52 minutes ago, crashmonitor said:

Tbh I think our entries of late have been about the worst. We seem to have lost the art of writing a melody and Eurovision probably reflects the state of UK popular music. We used to have the very best composers of popular music in the world, now barring Adele we don't. 

The likes of Mercury, Lennon, John, Gibb were all competing with each other and raising the standard right down to second tier composers such as would have written for Eurovision..

It's baffling how we were once the best in the world and we are now one of the worst. So much so that we haven't come up with anything remotely musical or resembling a melody for Eurovision for at least a decade.

I'm not knocking the current youth, their priorities and creativity changed. Once we produced composers now we produce athletes( for exampe).

Back in the 70s our sporting prowess was as bad as our music is now.

It's telling that we have had to go with fading composers like Webber and  Engelbert Humperdinck in recent years out of desperation.

Corporate music playing it safe.  Why invest in twenty different young bands in the hope that one will make it big when you can guarantee volume sales from the top half dozen weirdos in the X factor final each year?  That's how you make a steady return.

I was listening to Gilbert O'Sullivan yesterday.  An absolutely cracking songwriter but without much image (bar the daft clothes of his early career); he'd have got nowhere today IMO as no major record company would have pushed him. 

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9 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

Corporate music playing it safe.  Why invest in twenty different young bands in the hope that one will make it big when you can guarantee volume sales from the top half dozen weirdos in the X factor final each year?  That's how you make a steady return.

I was listening to Gilbert O'Sullivan yesterday.  An absolutely cracking songwriter but without much image (bar the daft clothes of his early career); he'd have got nowhere today IMO as no major record company would have pushed him. 

Yep you have got to nurture talent and we don't. So we have gone from scores of composers to virtually none. Also excellence breeds excellence. Statistically to get three global number ones from three kids of similar age growing up within a mile or so of each other is a multi - million to one ask. Yet Harrison ( My sweet Lord) McCartney and Lennon did just that. And two of them did it several times.

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5 hours ago, crashmonitor said:

 

It's baffling how we were once the best in the world and we are now one of the worst. So much so that we haven't come up with anything remotely musical or resembling a melody for Eurovision for at least a decade.

 

Reality TV  makes stars of averagely talented performers. viewers who have been "on the journey" with them convince themselves they like their music. If you haven't followed the TV show, you judge them objectively which means they generally dont do well abroad.

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2 hours ago, Steppenpig said:

Reality TV  makes stars of averagely talented performers. viewers who have been "on the journey" with them convince themselves they like their music. If you haven't followed the TV show, you judge them objectively which means they generally dont do well abroad.

Millenials who think Ed Sheeran is edgy...A bloke I work with, in his early 20s, extols the virtues of Ed Sheeran, and his bedwetting ilk...I really have to bite my lip.

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2 hours ago, hotairmail said:

 

 

I was going to put an amendment down.

We could call it Burovexit and have a separate referendum - non-binding of course.

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On 1/25/2017 at 4:48 PM, Dave Beans said:

Millenials who think Ed Sheeran is edgy...A bloke I work with, in his early 20s, extols the virtues of Ed Sheeran, and his bedwetting ilk...I really have to bite my lip.

Edgy? Eh? It's the sort of thing I would listen to while waiting to speak to Npower. It's wallpaper music. Edgy wallpaper?... coving?

And it's not just you - the X-People Euro entries do all sound the same.

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So our entry, Lucie Jones.

I shamefully admit I was actually watching the X Factor when she was in it 8 years ago. Because she really was quite good - but got knocked out in the relatively early rounds, while the crap ones stayed in as you'd expect.

So 8 years later when I heard she was chosen our Eurovision entry, I was really chuffed for her. And then I heard the song. Jesus H, who the hell thought that would be a good idea? It's awful.

I kept thinking it was building up to some sort of hook or melody or a big chorus or something, and it just kept going. It's utterly tuneless - 30 seconds after it finished there wasn't a single bit of the tune that either me or Mrs. FD could even remember. I mean, we're going to get a big fat nil points anyway, but at least we could have put a bit of effort in to make it obvious that the voting is rigged. That song deserves minus points.

To make it worse, the very next song on the radio was Sheryl Crow doing the Bond theme Tomorrow Never Dies. It was like David squaring up to Goliath and getting trodden on by accident.

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After Brexit, surely we should start the Commonwealth-o-vision Song Contest..?

Canada, Australia, New Zealand - surely we can beat them lot easy enough...?

There'll also be lots of them African drum and choir combinations made up of handsome ladies in tribal attire and some bloke on the bongos.

What's not to like here...?

 

 

XYY

 

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1 hour ago, The XYY Man said:

After Brexit, surely we should start the Commonwealth-o-vision Song Contest..?

Canada, Australia, New Zealand - surely we can beat them lot easy enough...?

There'll also be lots of them African drum and choir combinations made up of handsome ladies in tribal attire and some bloke on the bongos.

What's not to like here...?

 

 

XYY

 

Indeed, as we leave the EU behind, we should invite some of these tribal sh1tholes back into the British Empire, as we could run it better than them. Pass my pith helmet.

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2 hours ago, Fully Detached said:

To make it worse, the very next song on the radio was Sheryl Crow doing the Bond theme Tomorrow Never Dies. It was like David squaring up to Goliath and getting trodden on by accident.

And that Bond theme was the shoved in late with the proper one moved to the end titles one (note which one keeps being referred to in the score throughout the film).

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Mock ye not Sheryl, for I have a guitar like hers.

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We have in the past been far too timid with our entries. We should have come up with Europe-themed entries, like ShaddupaYouFace to ingratiate ourselves with Johnny foreigner.

We are bound to win this year

Brexit has reminded the Continentals how much we have contributed to Europe, particularly financially, and they will inevitably be falling over themselves to show their gratitude, as always.

It's a shoo-in for Blighty. What could possibly go wrong?

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1 hour ago, MrPin said:

Indeed, as we leave the EU behind, we should invite some of these tribal sh1tholes back into the British Empire, as we could run it better than them. Pass my pith helmet.

In my mind, you are now, and forevermore, Sid James in "Carry On Up The Khyber".

And up yours..!!!

 

XYY

                                                                                                               

The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage - Danish proverb

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On ‎04‎/‎02‎/‎2017 at 8:58 AM, Fully Detached said:

So our entry, Lucie Jones.

I shamefully admit I was actually watching the X Factor when she was in it 8 years ago. Because she really was quite good - but got knocked out in the relatively early rounds, while the crap ones stayed in as you'd expect.

So 8 years later when I heard she was chosen our Eurovision entry, I was really chuffed for her. And then I heard the song. Jesus H, who the hell thought that would be a good idea? It's awful.

I kept thinking it was building up to some sort of hook or melody or a big chorus or something, and it just kept going. It's utterly tuneless - 30 seconds after it finished there wasn't a single bit of the tune that either me or Mrs. FD could even remember. I mean, we're going to get a big fat nil points anyway, but at least we could have put a bit of effort in to make it obvious that the voting is rigged. That song deserves minus points.

To make it worse, the very next song on the radio was Sheryl Crow doing the Bond theme Tomorrow Never Dies. It was like David squaring up to Goliath and getting trodden on by accident.

Spot on. I watched the "You Decide" show to pick our entry. I'd heard the songs before. Once, briefly.

I can't remember which was the best one, it was one of the black guys (oh, can I say that?!)

The first one to perform suffered a mixing fault which meant he wasn't audible at the start, but then his performance was poor.

The latter one, second from the end perhaps, was quite good and the song was catchy.

Now to the winner. To echo your comments: she was the outstanding "performer". She had a track to sing that relied completely on pulling off a good vocal. Since there was little else to it. She got the vocal right.

She has that "shouty" kind of voice I don't like that much but she really gave it her all and it was memorable for that. "It" being the performance, not the song. I can't remember what she was wittering on about. The song faded straight away.

I reckon we'll be put on first and everyone else will forget it too.

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On 04/02/2017 at 0:38 PM, The XYY Man said:

In my mind, you are now, and forevermore, Sid James in "Carry On Up The Khyber".

And up yours..!!!

 

XYY

 

                                                                                                               

 

The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage - Danish proverb

 

I take that as a compliment! I am probably very much like Sir Sidney Rough Diamond, although I don't look like him.

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6 hours ago, DTMark said:

Spot on. I watched the "You Decide" show to pick our entry. I'd heard the songs before. Once, briefly.

I can't remember which was the best one, it was one of the black guys (oh, can I say that?!)

The first one to perform suffered a mixing fault which meant he wasn't audible at the start, but then his performance was poor.

The latter one, second from the end perhaps, was quite good and the song was catchy.

Now to the winner. To echo your comments: she was the outstanding "performer". She had a track to sing that relied completely on pulling off a good vocal. Since there was little else to it. She got the vocal right.

She has that "shouty" kind of voice I don't like that much but she really gave it her all and it was memorable for that. "It" being the performance, not the song. I can't remember what she was wittering on about. The song faded straight away.

I reckon we'll be put on first and everyone else will forget it too.

To be fair they could put it on last and I don't think most people would remember any of it after the next advert break :)

Surely it's a fundamental requirement for a Eurovision song to have a bit of a catchy tune that sticks in the mind - either that or you go full retard like Lordi or whatever they were called. Either way, the winners are generally vaguely memorable for one reason or another.

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