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Will!

What not to put on your CV

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From the Telegraph:  Looking for a job? Here's what not to put on your CV

I realise that these are aprocryphal, but some of of them made me smile anyway:

Quote

Revealed | Humiliating CV blunders as revealed by recruiters

"My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people"

"I was responsible for dissatisfied customers"

"I am a prooficient typist"

"Socially I like to dine out with different backgrounds"

"I was responsible for fraudulent claims"

"While working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people"

"Experienced sheet mental worker"

"Highly adept at multi-tasting"

"I am a pubic relations officer"

"Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable"

Source: Personal Career Management

 

A CV from a candidate claiming to have experience in Arctic Warfare

An individual who went to great lengths to explain his interest and knowledge of origami

A CV written entirely in the third person

Female candidate included scantily clad photo of herself (for a role as a Foundry Maintenance Team Leader)

A CV listing achievements that included "successfully putting daughter to bed over 100 times"

Inclusion of ear size measurement

A full CV written in text speak

A candidate stating they are "nice to children, animals and old people" in their covering letter

"Excellent upper body strength" listed as a skill - for a PR account executive role

A CV sent in a dirty, used and smelly tennis shoe, with a note saying "does this mean I have my foot in the door?"

Source: Monster.co.uk

 

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A college mate kept bring turned down for his first (post grad) job. I offered to review his CV as I couldn't see why he wasn't getting hired.

He had a whole section where he set out his admiration for two nineteenth century philosophers. I suggested that he take it out. He got a job.

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24 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

A college mate kept bring turned down for his first (post grad) job. I offered to review his CV as I couldn't see why he wasn't getting hired.

He had a whole section where he set out his admiration for two nineteenth century philosophers. I suggested that he take it out. He got a job.

Coincidence, say I.

 

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39 minutes ago, Will! said:

From the Telegraph:  Looking for a job? Here's what not to put on your CV

I realise that these are aprocryphal, but some of of them made me smile anyway:

 

The trouble is it depends on the context.

So the smelly shoe one might be appropriate for marketing job, less so for admin.

Or the putting to bed one - quite amusing and if presented in the context of returning to work after 2 years childcare then wouldn't do any harm.

Spelling mistakes are usually bad, though.  Funny to still find them in the age of spelling checkers -- suggests a special kind of idiot.

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45 minutes ago, dgul said:

The trouble is it depends on the context.

So the smelly shoe one might be appropriate for marketing job, less so for admin.

Or the putting to bed one - quite amusing and if presented in the context of returning to work after 2 years childcare then wouldn't do any harm.

Spelling mistakes are usually bad, though.  Funny to still find them in the age of spelling checkers -- suggests a special kind of idiot.

Exactly. If the CVs were along the right lines I'd definitely interview both 'smelly shoe candidate' and 'successfully putting daughter to bed' candidate.

There isn't a job in the world that can't be improved with a little personality and humour.

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1 minute ago, ccc said:

i put "drinking beer" under other interests.

Seriously.

Very good but IMO unless it's your first job no employer gives a monkey's; they have zero relevance.

Anybody who lists any gets marked down and anybody listing extensive time-consuming ones gets chucked in the bin.

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4 minutes ago, Frank Hovis said:

Very good but IMO unless it's your first job no employer gives a monkey's; they have zero relevance.

Anybody who lists any gets marked down and anybody listing extensive time-consuming ones gets chucked in the bin.

Most people who will look at my CV will be blokes who are in their 40/50's and work in banks. The vast majority will like a pint. 

I put that on just as a wee subtle "I'm a good ****" hint to them.

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Just now, ccc said:

Most people who will look at my CV will be blokes who are in their 40/50's and work in banks. The vast majority will like a pint. 

I put that on just as a wee subtle "I'm a good ****" hint to them.

Ah, OK. That would work.

I've had people start banging on in interviews about what they organise for their local sports club, their kids' many hobbies, how many different hobbies they have etc.

All of these are these are huge negatives for an employer; it shows that your focus, energy, and commitment is outside of work.

Which is great on a personal level but I didn't and wouldn't employ any of them.

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Aye that would do my nut in too !

 

I also put i was in the TA even though was 17 years ago. Most folk would glance over it - but anyone with military experience themselves would instantly have an affinity.

 

Very basic though - my other interests section is 2 lines at the end of a 2 sides only CV. See these folk with 6 page CV's - my word. 

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19 hours ago, Frank Hovis said:

A college mate kept bring turned down for his first (post grad) job. I offered to review his CV as I couldn't see why he wasn't getting hired.

He had a whole section where he set out his admiration for two nineteenth century philosophers. I suggested that he take it out. He got a job.

I don't like philosophers, so I don't mention them.

 

I do admit to having an amateur radio licence. I think it might have got me this job. I now make marine radio systems work.

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2 minutes ago, MrPin said:

I don't like philosophers, so I don't mention them.

 

I do admit to having an amateur radio licence. I think it might have got me this job. I now make marine radio systems work.

I can see why you got into it:

a7a93e9a97f7eb816cc11058be4e5289.jpg

How much of a spoof does that cover look?

"We need to make our cover look more interesting, what can we do?"

"I know, we'll put a woman in a bikini behind them."

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Same reason I like motors I guess. The calendars have loads of totty draped over welding gear.

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I recall without exaggeration a head of PE at secondary school options evening who opened his speech to a 150 or so parents with "You'll have to excuse me if I don't make much sense as I have usually had a drink or two by this time in an evening."

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6 minutes ago, man o' the year said:

I recall without exaggeration a head of PE at secondary school options evening who opened his speech to a 150 or so parents with "You'll have to excuse me if I don't make much sense as I have usually had a drink or two by this time in an evening."

How much does that make you warm to him?  Brilliant opener and so much better than the hackneyed line about being unused to public speaking.

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