Thins Teenagers Should Know Before They Leave Home

[mikthe20]

OK, I'm probably asking for trouble by starting such a thread in the dark depths of Off Topic! I have too teen kids and am a single dad. The oldest will be off to uni in a couple of years and her brother wont be far behind. Being the sentimental sort, it means I have only two more years to teach her some of the more useful things in life rather than the academic stuff she gets at school. They don't get a lot from their mother as they only see her for dinner once a week and spend no other time with her (drunk BPD scrapper) so I've had to try to compensate for the lack of feminine influence in the household over the last 5 years but am pretty blokish so not been easy. So, a few ideas, in no particular order, many of which I've taught them over the years anyway:

1. We are privileged to be alive - life is for enjoying

2. You have choice over who you spend your time with and who yo love

3. Budgeting and managing money, inc compound interest/debt (to be fair, I have made so many anti-debt comments and chats with them over the years I think they're on board on this one)

4. How to cook at least 7 meals properly

5. Taking risks and learning from failures,admitting faults, learning from them and bouncing back

6. The basics of business, selling, marketing, finances

7. Juding character and how to identify and deal with people with personality orders (eg. work bullies, friends)

8. Basic DIY (change bulb/plug)

9. Basic car maintenance

10. Basic haggling/contract/agreement negotiation and drafting

11. Minimising tax

12. Investment in general, minimisng charges and paying into pension

13.Love and maintaining and ending relationships and realistic expectations

14. Self respect, self-awareness, self-control, patience and tenacity

15. How the media operate and making sure one is independently informed

16. Personal healthcare and diet

17. Self-reliance, confidence and how not to follow the crowd

18. Being properly conversational in a useful second language

19. Boy: How to choose women and identify the good/bad ones

20: Girl: How to choose men and identify good/bad ones

21.Alcohol and drugs

Any other ideas guys?

[worzel]

Its a good, but fairly ambitious list. Given the number of people I have known or known of that have had mental health issues, some of which have resulted in suicide, I think making sure that they stay in regular contact with you and others, and knowing that nothing is so bad that they cant ask for help. I know this is covered by number 13 & 14, and is related to number 21 among others, but perhaps its worthy of its own entry on the list.

[JoeDavola]

You sound like a wonderful parent. That's a great list.

I was typing a response and then worzel beat me to it:

Its a good, but fairly ambitious list. Given the number of people I have known or known of that have had mental health issues, some of which have resulted in suicide, I think making sure that they stay in regular contact with you and others, and knowing that nothing is so bad that they cant ask for help. I know this is covered by number 13 & 14, and is related to number 21 among others, but perhaps its worthy of its own entry on the list.

The next few years of their lives should be a balance between maintaining good health habits, and not becoming so obsessed with exams that they don't 'live a little'. In other words go out there and do some stupid but exciting things.

So the most important thing that you can get them to believe is that if they are in trouble, or even if they just need someone to talk to, that you'll be there and won't judge them.

[mikthe20]

Its a good, but fairly ambitious list. Given the number of people I have known or known of that have had mental health issues, some of which have resulted in suicide, I think making sure that they stay in regular contact with you and others, and knowing that nothing is so bad that they cant ask for help. I know this is covered by number 13 & 14, and is related to number 21 among others, but perhaps its worthy of its own entry on the list.

Yes, you're quite right.. Top tip, thanks!

You sound like a wonderful parent. That's a great list.

I was typing a response and then worzel beat me to it:

The next few years of their lives should be a balance between maintaining good health habits, and not becoming so obsessed with exams that they don't 'live a little'. In other words go out there and do some stupid but exciting things.

So the most important thing that you can get them to believe is that if they are in trouble, or even if they just need someone to talk to, that you'll be there and won't judge them.

Thanks Joe. I do want them to take risks, have fun, and know there is somewhere that will always accept them with open arms and a cuppa. My daughter does keep her feelings to her self in particular so I should work on that one. Cheers.

[Hail the Tripod]

I think you can try to instill knowledge and values, but ultimately kids will make their own mistakes, so don't be too upset when you find out they've done the opposite of what you have tried to impress on them. Maybe the most you can hope for is that this kind of advice/example will help them find their own path to a life they want after they have made those mistakes.

[crashmonitor]

(1) Realise that when you pass your driving test you are a very poor driver and need to drive within yourself.

(2) Go easy on the alcohol

The above two possibly account for most teenage deaths and if they survive writing off a car or puking over a toilet bowl all night it is still a bad experience. Not one you want to learn from.

Seems to be a sanguine attitude let them learn by their mistakes and indeed being badly drunk and wrecking the car is almost a badge of honour for the teen and their parents. Tbh I think it is too dangerous to take that attitude.

[happy_renting]

22) Avoid the HPC website.

[Dorkins]

8. Basic DIY (change bulb/plug)

This seems old-fashioned in an age of LED bulbs and moulded plugs. Basic bicycle repair might be more useful.

[Frank Hovis]

It's a good list but I'd say it's too long.

I'd scrap the second language and business stuff. Kids are forced to learn loads of things anyway, they can pick those up should they need them in the future. There are plenty of business start up courses free for all ages.

I also wouldn't bother with pensions / saving / investing yet. Up to 25 just be concerned about not overspending on rubbish and getting into debt.

The seven meals one is a good one; I still can't.

[SarahBell]

They need to know the world's biggest lies.
The cheque is in the post.
I love you.
I won't c................................................
:-D

[CunningPlan]

Watch out for girls that want to trap you. Just happened to a friend's son. 22, whole life ahead of him, now got a kid on the way with a pro single mum of one already. Tragic.

And less likely but even more tragic - make sure you are never in a position where someone can claim rape.

But perhaps that is just the optimist in me speaking!

[JoeDavola]

They need to know the world's biggest lies.

The cheque is in the post.

I love you.

I won't c................................................

:-D

Is the question:

"What are the top 3 things that a prostitute doesn't want to hear?"

[The XYY Man]

They should *think* they know everything - otherwise they are not ready to leave...

XYY

[JoeDavola]

And less likely but even more tragic - make sure you are never in a position where someone can claim rape.

It's hard to know how to avoid this without remaining celibate - but for young men, it's a good reason not to sleep with women who you have only met that evening, and/or are very drunk.

[winkie]

- try to not be too critical or judgemental of others.....never judge a book by its cover....everyone innocent until proven guilty.

Don't put up with rubbish or shit.....walk away.

[CunningPlan]

It's hard to know how to avoid this without remaining celibate - but for young men, it's a good reason not to sleep with women who you have only met that evening, and/or are very drunk.

Sadly correct. For my lads it is my (and even more strongly my wife's) greatest fear.

[winkie]

So the most important thing that you can get them to believe is that if they are in trouble, or even if they just need someone to talk to, that you'll be there and won't judge them.

Agree with that Joe ....also you only borrow your kids for a short period of time, then they are gone, to hopefully live an independent, healthy, contented life of their own making.....make plenty of mistakes and learn from them.

[Mrs Bear]

Purely practical - knowing how to stitch up a hem, and sew on a button properly.

[winkie]

[MrPin]

Purely practical - knowing how to stitch up a hem, and sew on a button properly.

Ah a nautical training! Sailors are always putting buttons on, as their mum is not aboard ship.

[Frank Hovis]

Purely practical - knowing how to stitch up a hem, and sew on a button properly.

Aye, there's the rub. I have mended many a sock and sewn on many a button, but properly? No I couldn't claim that.

On that theme I would also recommend a "houeswife" kit as an invaluable gift. Looking at ebay they seem to be only available in camouflage warpaint these days; I have an old RAF one from my Dad's National Service days.

[JoeDavola]

Sadly correct. For my lads it is my (and even more strongly my wife's) greatest fear.

Pretty soon after I started internet dating, I met a woman for a few drinks, she was the same age as me and we both drank far too much and ended up in bed together.

I remember waking up, and then she woke up a few minutes later - I assumed she'd either be in good form or a bit embarrassed, but no - she woke up and was horrified, as if I'd abducted her. Which didn't exactly make me feel great but there ya go. She also had a couple of 'love bite' marks on her neck from the evening before.

She goes mental when she sees them in the mirror, starts ranting at me that I got her drunk and forced her to drink too much (I did nothing of the sort), and that I'd taken advantage - and stormed out of my flat.

I don't mind saying, I was terrified. Here was a woman accusing me of all sorts, leaving my flat with what looked like a couple of bruises on her neck. We hadn't actually had sex (quite frankly I was too drunk to do anything of the sort), but that wouldn't have mattered if she'd went to the police.

I never made that mistake again. And if I ever have sons I'll be warning them not to do anything so silly that could put their future in jeopardy.

[CunningPlan]

Pretty soon after I started internet dating, I met a woman for a few drinks, she was the same age as me and we both drank far too much and ended up in bed together.

I remember waking up, and then she woke up a few minutes later - I assumed she'd either be in good form or a bit embarrassed, but no - she woke up and was horrified, as if I'd abducted her. Which didn't exactly make me feel great but there ya go. She also had a couple of 'love bite' marks on her neck from the evening before.

She goes mental when she sees them in the mirror, starts ranting at me that I got her drunk and forced her to drink too much (I did nothing of the sort), and that I'd taken advantage - and stormed out of my flat.

I don't mind saying, I was terrified. Here was a woman accusing me of all sorts, leaving my flat with what looked like a couple of bruises on her neck. We hadn't actually had sex (quite frankly I was too drunk to do anything of the sort), but that wouldn't have mattered if she'd went to the police.

I never made that mistake again. And if I ever have sons I'll be warning them not to do anything so silly that could put their future in jeopardy.

I doubt there are many here that haven't done something similar. The difference is, before it all went Pete Tong, the worst you got was the walk of shame.

[The XYY Man]

Purely practical - knowing how to stitch up a hem, and sew on a button properly.

Irrelevant if you've got a packet of "Wonder-Web" - and a Ronco "Buttoneer2"..!

XYY

[winkie]