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JoeDavola

Difficult People

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Do you ever spend time with certain people and afterwards you just feel that you need a shower to cleanse yourself of what has just happened.

People who can insult you in such a way that you can't really call them up on it because they can just deny it and let on that you're the unreasonable one.

Passive aggressiveness, sentences that would read innocent but are said in tones of voice to mean other things, then if you call them up they deny they meant that.

Using really angry tones of voice in situations that don't warrant them, then if you finally ask them why they're angry, they angrily tell you that they aren't angry.

Disagreements or attempts to question their opinion are met with great anger. If they spoke to a stranger in the street like this they'd be at risk of getting a broken nose.

The odd bit of subtle mockery here and there. And an underlying feeling afterwards that they think you're a hopeless idiot.

After each encounter with them, even if only for half an hour, your brain feels scrambled for hours or even a day afterwards as you pick apart what the hell just happened and wonder why you left feeling like you'd been punched in the stomach.

- For the record, I know I'm a bit of an overly sensitive mess, but the vast majority of people in my life don't have this effect on me. If they did, I'd accept that I was entirely the problem. -

Rant over.

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Yes, these people are usually narcissistic personalities, you can't change them. So f*ck them, keep them at arms length.

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Not to that extreme, but I used to spend time with people who had some of those qualities to some degree. I felt worse about myself after spending time with them.

I stopped.

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I didn't realise we'd met.

Ffs stop stealing my lines.

And I don't mean the ones on the cistern - your welcome to them !!

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Someone I used to work with was like this. They gave her a supervisor job and she was a nightmare!

It's usually insecurity on their part, but doesn't make it any easier to deal with them.

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Stand like a monilith! Get a Judge Dredd chin, and never smile. Be as hard to upset as a screwed down toilet. THIS is the Word of Pin.

And be yourself, without ego, wigs, or trousers! :wacko:

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All about alphas and betas again.

I work with a guy who is alpha. He wants to piss on the fence to make his status known. When we go into a restauraunt he will always be fussy about the table position. Generally I'm not. In fact thats the start of a restaurant "relationship". You're making it known that you are the boss. That you are in charge and that is the way the relationship carries forward. Yopu do that by making small or even trivial demands and making sure that you make clear that they are to be met.

In business negotiations paired with him I pretty much am the expertise beta. He has a lot of success, but sometimes some significant failures. He's great in a scenario where a client doesn't know what they want and needs the consultant/contractor proposer to lead. Where he fails is that he doesn't roll back enough when its clear the client feels that they need to assert their status too. I'll ramp up to the alpha role if I feel thats what a client is looking for, but even in the alpha position you need to allow the client to be able to make their alpha contribution, especially in a group scenario. The problem is that the stronger the alpha, the less willing they are to throw people that option, whereas if you want to be really successful you need to identify when its required.

Different people, different things, different characters. Learn to identify and act as required and enjoy them all. Of course with friends it might all be too much effort in what should be your relaxing spare time.

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Do you ever spend time with certain people and afterwards you just feel that you need a shower to cleanse yourself of what has just happened.

People who can insult you in such a way that you can't really call them up on it because they can just deny it and let on that you're the unreasonable one.

Passive aggressiveness, sentences that would read innocent but are said in tones of voice to mean other things, then if you call them up they deny they meant that.

Using really angry tones of voice in situations that don't warrant them, then if you finally ask them why they're angry, they angrily tell you that they aren't angry.

Disagreements or attempts to question their opinion are met with great anger. If they spoke to a stranger in the street like this they'd be at risk of getting a broken nose.

The odd bit of subtle mockery here and there. And an underlying feeling afterwards that they think you're a hopeless idiot.

After each encounter with them, even if only for half an hour, your brain feels scrambled for hours or even a day afterwards as you pick apart what the hell just happened and wonder why you left feeling like you'd been punched in the stomach.

- For the record, I know I'm a bit of an overly sensitive mess, but the vast majority of people in my life don't have this effect on me. If they did, I'd accept that I was entirely the problem. -

Rant over.

Academia full of them (narcissists as others have said). Don't forget what they crave is to be taken seriously- behave as if they are unimportant and keep getting their name/ job title title wrong in conversation. Will send them potty.

I was once watching a student present his work with two such nutters. Guy fainted from stress/worry- flat out inconcious. They calmly walked over and said "he'll be okay- "what you doing at the weekend?") I got the first aiders. Guy could have been dead and they wouldn't give a s***t.

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I work with one such. Over the years,she's tried hard to undermine me and some of my colleagues by withholding essential information, like when systems change, then blames us - usually publicly - for getting it wrong when we do it the old way. Of course, I'm the only one not afraid to stand up to her, so she concentrates on my weaker colleagues.

She's hyper manic at the moment. I'm coming to the conclusion that she has bipolar disorder. I'm now working on feeling sorry for her. I've tried making a complaint, picking her up on things when she's wrong. No-one is interested in the few of us who have to suffer her. After all, senior management is miles away on the North Island mainland and only visit once in a blue moon.

I treasure the thought that I don't need the money, and can walk out any time I wish. :ph34r:

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It's lucky I never wanted to be taken seriously Mr Manc, otherwise I might have discovered some physics! :o

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Academia full of them (narcissists as others have said). Don't forget what they crave is to be taken seriously- behave as if they are unimportant and keep getting their name/ job title title wrong in conversation. Will send them potty.

I was once watching a student present his work with two such nutters. Guy fainted from stress/worry- flat out inconcious. They calmly walked over and said "he'll be okay- "what you doing at the weekend?") I got the first aiders. Guy could have been dead and they wouldn't give a s***t.

Ha - beyond certain members of my family, the only other time I've met people where I've seen a similar thing happening is a group of people I know who are either in academia or hoping to get into it.

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Ex drummer in my band. Solid gold shit weasel.

Did he have a van though?

A drumming friend of mine used to get the whole kit on a Honda 175.

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I'll put it another way.

I admit that I haven't been in the best of form lately, depression creeping back and some insomnia ect. So generally a bit worn out.

But take two sets of human interactions and the results are completely different - the people who I work with are all generally nice, 'safe' people, and even if I wake up feeling crap I drag myself to work and for the most point my mood will improve because there's a bit of banter with the nice folk in work. You know that you won't feel like you're 'on the back foot' at any time. Without getting too mushy about it, it's human interaction which is good for you, which builds you up as opposed to knocking you down.

But the other people I'm thinking of here, before I see them my anxiety goes up, my guard goes up a bit and I have to think to myself if I'm emotionally equipped today to deal with what may or may not come my way from them this time. Either from the way they behave towards me and/or among themselves. That's not how you should feel about the people you spend time with is it. It shouldn't be that bloody difficult should it.

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I'll put it another way.

I admit that I haven't been in the best of form lately, depression creeping back and some insomnia ect. So generally a bit worn out.

But take two sets of human interactions and the results are completely different - the people who I work with are all generally nice, 'safe' people, and even if I wake up feeling crap I drag myself to work and for the most point my mood will improve because there's a bit of banter with the nice folk in work. You know that you won't feel like you're 'on the back foot' at any time. Without getting too mushy about it, it's human interaction which is good for you, which builds you up as opposed to knocking you down.

But the other people I'm thinking of here, before I see them my anxiety goes up, my guard goes up a bit and I have to think to myself if I'm emotionally equipped today to deal with what may or may not come my way from them this time. Either from the way they behave towards me and/or among themselves. That's not how you should feel about the people you spend time with is it. It shouldn't be that bloody difficult should it.

. "That's not how you should feel about the people you spend time with is it. It shouldn't be that bloody difficult should it."

Used to have a mate who made me feel like that. Now I don't have a mate that makes me feel like that. :)

One of the joys of growing old is gaining self confidence and realising that just because you don't like someone or are incompatible with their personality doesn't make either them or you a bad person.

Sadly you'll find though that when you make that choice most people will be offended by it*

Edit* : And will act very defensively and negatively because of it.

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No.

They are family members.

I read your opening post and the first thing that came to my mind was , yes family members. Then I read the responses and thought I must be a bit odd as everyone else was referring to colleagues. Now having seen this above I can confirm, yes family members.

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I read your opening post and the first thing that came to my mind was , yes family members. Then I read the responses and thought I must be a bit odd as everyone else was referring to colleagues. Now having seen this above I can confirm, yes family members.

I have v difficult family members too. Move away - only solution. But as before ignore them and be at ease with yourself

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