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Bliar Government Policy For Ants And Grasshoppers

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>CLASSIC VERSION:

>

>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's

>a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,

>the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or

>shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

>

>THE END

>

>

>THE BRITISH VERSION (from the "BLiar Period") :

>

>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's

>a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,

>the ant is warm and well fed.

>

>The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know

>why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less

>fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

>

>The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;

>with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a

>table laden with food.

>

>Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor

>grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

>

>The Labour Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB

>demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a

>Jamaican cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news,

>broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome"

>

>Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the ant

>has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an

>immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".

>

>In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity

>and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of

>the summer.

>

>The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire

>grasshoppers as helpers.

>

>Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed

>retroactive taxes, the government repossesses his home.

>

>The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting company.

>

>A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the

>last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the

>council house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house,

>crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

>

>Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is appointed to

>head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.

>

>The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror blames

>it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of

>despair arising from social inequity.

>

>The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,

>praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural

>diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana plantation and terrorise the

>community.

>

>THE END

:ph34r:

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>The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting company.

:ph34r:

Aren't ants effectively communist?

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Oh I agree with the sentiment (not the spiders bit) just a strange animal to use to get across fairly traditional free market views.

Edited by algor

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Oh I agree with the sentiment (not the spiders bit) just a strange animal to use to get across fairly traditional free market views.

Sounds like an article from the Daily Snail!

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The grasshopper is irrelevant. To see the true analogy you have to stop lumping all the ants together.

The worker ants collect all the food. The worker ants build a huge mansion for the queen ant. Those worker ants which manage to collect a bit more food are allowed to live in magnolia-coloured little ant pods, paying rent to the queen at the level of two cake-crumbs per month. Or, if they like they can have a loan from the queen of a whole victoria sponge, in which case they will be able to buy a one bedroomed ex-council ant pod on the fringes of the ant colony.

Either way the worker ants are not allowed to have kids.

The queen mostly sits in front of her little ant-sized telly eating cake and watching home makeover programmes.

frugalista

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That story has been made up.

The grasshopper couldn't possibly live in the ant's ex council house as he probably wouldn't fit through the door. The furniture would be too small as well.

He'd have to knock out quite a few walls and fit new doors and windows and extend the property. He'd never get planning permission for this and how could he fund it whilst on benefits?

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I just hope the colony has enough fire escapes and toilets for the number of people living in it.

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That story has been made up.

The grasshopper couldn't possibly live in the ant's ex council house as he probably wouldn't fit through the door. The furniture would be too small as well.

He'd have to knock out quite a few walls and fit new doors and windows and extend the property. He'd never get planning permission for this and how could he fund it whilst on benefits?

by having lots of baby grasshoppers?

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Good point.

I did hear the ant returned to Britain and successfully ran a chain of shoe stores to cope with the demands of all the spiders.

I don't know if that's racist or surreal

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That story has been made up.

The grasshopper couldn't possibly live in the ant's ex council house as he probably wouldn't fit through the door. The furniture would be too small as well.

He'd have to knock out quite a few walls and fit new doors and windows and extend the property. He'd never get planning permission for this and how could he fund it whilst on benefits?

Direct Works would come and do the work for 'free' and claim grants from the European Grasshopper Fund which would raise taxes on the ants of Europe to cover this 'essential' public work.

Edited by slater14

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:blink:

Spiders have eight legs..... therefore they are good customers for the ant who sells shoes... it was meant to be funny....

Surreal then

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Loved it FaTB, but who was it having a dig at? <_<

I think it just having a go at Nu Labour & the "government owes me a living" society it has created.

But hey i'm just forwarding it on.

Just like the BBC I have no opinion. :P

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The ants would fight to the death to defend the colony. I'm sure waves of heroic soldier ants would cut up the locust invaders and use their body parts to feed the colony. Yum! :lol:

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The ants would fight to the death to defend the colony. I'm sure waves of heroic soldier ants would cut up the locust invaders and use their body parts to feed the colony. Yum! :lol:

Yes, the defendANTs would be triumphANT and would gorge themselves on the remnANTs of the invaders.

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