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The Masked Tulip

Pitt & Jolie Boost Housing Market

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News that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are expecting their first child together was welcomed this morning by estate agents for bringing yet another boost to the booming UK housing market... "This is great news," declared one London agent. "We expect to see house prices soar across the country this Spring as more and more couples decide to follow Hollywood's golden couple and have a child this year."

Longer term the affects on UK property prices will be even more dramatic as such a sudden increase in the birth rate will see a greater demand for housing now and in the years to come. "This is a tiny island and there is only so much space. Anyone planning to have a child now should seriously think about investing in a home now for when that child reaches 17 or 18," declared another Home Counties agent. "We're making babies but we're not making any more land!".

Reports from LA that Brad Pitt is remodelling his Malibu home to accomodate his growing family was also seen as a positive sign for estate agents, DIY retailers, TV make-over programmes and women who think that every man should spend his weekends with a drill in his hand. "Brad is leading the way and showing all men that when it comes to your castle being your home then the king of the castle is obviously the wife," stated Miranda Parker-Thomson-Bowles, deptuy editor of womens' fashion magazine Clit. "I can't wait to see how Angelina decorates her nest. I hope so much that she takes her lead from the UK and chooses this years' startling collection of beige. Beige is the new beige this year!".

Economists were divided on the impact that this annoucement would have on UK property prices. In a breakfast round robin conference call the chief economist of the British & Eire Independent Property Estate Agents Association commented that "We expect this to lead to increases this year alone of between 25 and 30 percent on the cost of the typical UK house price. Those properties close to good schools we expect to see rise by anything up to 50 percent. We expect our members to start pricing accordingly!". Such enthusiasm was dampened slightly by a swift warning from another economist present on the call. "This is complete bullock's testicles!" he declared.

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Longer term the affects on UK property prices will be even more dramatic as such a sudden increase in the birth rate will see a greater demand for housing now and in the years to come. "This is a tiny island and there is only so much space. Anyone planning to have a child now should seriously think about investing in a home now for when that child reaches 17 or 18," declared another Home Counties agent. "We're making babies but we're not making any more land!".

Radio Wales are reporting this morning that 2/3rds of primary teacher PGCE graduates are unable to find jobs as there aren't enough kids to teach.....

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Radio Wales are reporting this morning that 2/3rds of primary teacher PGCE graduates are unable to find jobs as there aren't enough kids to teach.....

TMT holds head in hands, grimmaces and says "Oh dear, oh dearie me... And we complain about the sheep jokes!?". WSG, please tell me that you are not the senior commissioning editor for comedy at BBC Wales!? :rolleyes:

Edited by The Masked Tulip

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Where was that written? i've never heard such total crap in all my life, I'm not convinced it isn't an amusing ironic wind up by one of the more imaginative posters from this site. BTW unfortunately rumour has it the Pitts may be buying in Brighton/Hove.

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Where was that written? i've never heard such total crap in all my life, I'm not convinced it isn't an amusing ironic wind up by one of the more imaginative posters from this site.

It's been posted on the Internet. It must be true.

BTW unfortunately rumour has it the Pitts may be buying in Brighton/Hove

Then it must be true. This too has now been posted on the Internet.

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It's been posted on the Internet. It must be true.

Then it must be true. This too has now been posted on the Internet.

Also reported in my local rag-Brighton evening Argus, he's investing in the West pier or something, bang goes the neighbourhood.

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Also reported in my local rag-Brighton evening Argus, he's investing in the West pier or something, bang goes the neighbourhood.

There you go - it's all true. The 'Net never lies. Thank goodness I bought all those shares in Mothercare yesterday. ;)

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Its a wind up..

Like the BBC interview with an Estate agent banging on about a shortage of property..

when his walls were full of for sale property..

Surely a shortage of property would have seen the 3 houses for sale in my parent estate actually have a viewing in the last year..

Well sell would be good.. I know one has only had one viewing..

the others might have constant streams of them while I am at work..

But none that are buying..

"I can't afford a house... having a kid does not make it more affordable.."

I can afford a house, but with no inflation I am not going to strap myself with that level of debt

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Its a wind up..

Surely not? :rolleyes:

I expect someone will walk into an EA's office sometime in the next week and be told this very story about why HPs are going to increase dramatically in the UK this year. You know it makes sense. :rolleyes:

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TMT holds head in hands, grimmaces and says "Oh dear, oh dearie me... And we complain about the sheep jokes!?". WSG, please tell me that you are not the senior commissioning editor for comedy at BBC Wales!? :rolleyes:

.......not for comedy anyway ;)

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I don't know if I should mention this or not... but there's this guy called Orson Welles on the radio right now reporting that the Martians have landed in New York... :blink:

The home planet's destroyed by rampant hive price inflation, maybe they'd like the west pier too if Brad drops out.

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Reports of an imminent upswing in UK property prices were today treated with derision by some HPC members. "For every Pitt and Jolie..." commented one forum regular who spends far too much of his life on the site. "...there is another single woman of child baring years who lives with 3 gluttonous bears or 7 colourfully dressed men of restricted height. When you take this into account there is a surplus of homes and not a shortage!".

Estate agents were quick to challenge these comments. "Try telling that to the gingerbread men," retorted one agent, obvously rapidly losing his grip on reality. "In many parts of the country there is a huge shortage of houses made from sugar and spice and all things nice. This year alone we are expecting demand for puppy dog tails to go up by 76 percent!" Pausing briefly, he added "Every forest in Britain has a shortage of candy cane housing!".

Experts are divided on the eventual outcome of this the greatest fairytale since Snow White's step-mother gave her a motherly talk about eating 5 fruit and veg a day. Reports that a small boy has been standing outside an estate agents in Wigan shouting "Look at the price, look at the price... These are the most ridiculous prices that I have ever seen!" were dismissed as ludicrous attempts to include an element of realism in the current mass enduced flight of house price fantasy.

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Also reported in my local rag-Brighton evening Argus, he's investing in the West pier or something, bang goes the neighbourhood.

Maybe they could buy one of the many many homes that are currently advertised in latest homes down here in oh so sunny brighton- no-one else seems to be at the moment!!

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Maybe they could buy one of the many many homes that are currently advertised in latest homes down here in oh so sunny brighton- no-one else seems to be at the moment!!

Good mag - it did wonders folded twice the other night when I had a wobbly table down one of the marina pubs. :)

Wonder if Angelina will take a 'Brad Pitt' whilst giving birth? :blink::lol::lol::lol:

I dunno about that, but he seems to have successfully Raided 'er Tomb

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  • 333 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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