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Help Me Understand This...

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So I have a friend that discovered just recently that his GIrlfriend has been sleeping around behind his back with 8 blokes (8 that she admitted to, others say there are much more). They broke up initially but the day after my mate went back to her practically begging her to take him back, which she did. It was a very embarrassing thing to witness, I've never seen something that pathetic in a long time and I honestly thought my mate had a lot more pride and self respect than this.

What makes this worse though is that they both announced this morning that they are buying a house together. I cannot believe it! Why the hell would you make a commitment like this with a woman that you know for a fact has been sleeping around behind your back since the very beginning?!?!

I called my mate up to ask him what the hell was going through his mind and he had no real answer. He seemed to think that if they move in together she will settle down and this made me just wanna drive round and slap some sense into the guy. His whole reasoning for getting back with her he told me was "It's better than being single". I am lost for words, why is being single such a terrible thing that living with a "partner" that disrespects you on a regular basis seems the better option?

Help me wrap my head around this guys and girls of HPC. I am starting to wonder if my mate needs counselling of some sort, his self confidence and pride seem to be non existent. In fact I've noticed his apathy for life in general has been increasing for the past 3 or so years now. It started with work (he is a qualified Engineer but took a job in a Call Center for NMW), stating he didn't care about money as long as he had enough to go out and get pissed watching the match on a weekend. Now this is happening and it just gives me the impression that he is just accepting whatever falls into his lap as opposed to taking a chance to find something better.

Any ideas?

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Maybe he is depressed. A chat with his GP would be a good thing to encourage. If he is feeling like a passenger in life then his response seems plausible, and dare I say it, rational.

Edit, I seem to recall you have experienced tragedy with a different friend a while back, could this current situation have been influenced by what happened to your other friend?

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It sounds like, as you say, that his sense of self worth is on the floor and he would really benefit from counselling or the "Is life worth living?" thoughts will start to crop up.

IME you stand zero chance of being able to shake him out of it by telling him any home truths, he will know them already and resent you for highlighting them.

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Reminds me of a mate of mine who married a woman who had started refusing to have sex with him completely about a year before they got married. And a year on, still no sex. They didn't even have sex on his wedding night. They'll never have sex again I'd guess. She shows virtually no affection towards him and he's spent most of his money for almost a decade trying to keep her happy.

Your friend is behaving like this because:

- he thinks that it's his fault that his girlfriend is a whore, that he's not being a good enough boyfriend in some way (e.g. he hasn't bought her a house), and if he just figures out how to make her happy/how to be 'good enough' for her, she'll become a faithful loving girlfiend

- a big part of his self esteem is tied up in being in a relationship - it gives him pride that his woman is 'with' him, and if you take that away from him he'll fall to bits because he has no intrinsic worth as a single man - you worth is how good your job, car, house, and woman look to the outside world - I can't stress this one enough; I think it's the big reason why many blokes put up with shitty women - because female approval via a relationship is the only thing that gives them worth. You mention your friend is in a shitty job, so maybe his woman was the only thing in life he felt good about.

....oh and also, 8 blokes? What was she in fecking bukkake* movie or something?

* don't google that word

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He needs pussy. Getting a house means he gets pussy...till they get it, when the other 8 can use the spare room when he's paying the mortgage with a job.

The only job he is going to get, by the way.

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He's not going to listen to you.

The only way of breaking his self destructive drive is to hire a good prostitute to chat him up in a pub and shag him all night (without him knowing her status). He might then realise that pussy is common and that things can be much better than what he is stuck with.

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Dead man walking.

How much respect is she going to have for him after this. Its virtually a free pass to do whatever she wants!

Your mate will end up single anyway...better now than in 2 years time with a kid on the scene.

He will then be single, broke -and- homeless.

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So I have a friend that discovered just recently that his GIrlfriend has been sleeping around behind his back with 8 blokes (8 that she admitted to, others say there are much more).

He should run. Run as fast as he can and never look back.

Also, has he had STD checks done (for him and for her)?

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Maybe he is depressed. A chat with his GP would be a good thing to encourage. If he is feeling like a passenger in life then his response seems plausible, and dare I say it, rational.

Edit, I seem to recall you have experienced tragedy with a different friend a while back, could this current situation have been influenced by what happened to your other friend?

Yes, one of my best friends killed himself in late 2013. This friend I am currently writing about is the same guy who back then had a Girlfriend who lead the Police on a wild goose chase when they were looking for my dead friend, who was only presumed missing at the time. Looking back on the women my mate has been with over the years they have all had some serious personality defects.

I think I may go round his sisters house to talk to her about this, after all she was the one who broke the news to him and I haven't had a chance to speak to her yet about all of this. I'm normally the guy that avoids getting involved in other peoples business but when I see a friend on the verge of potentially ruining his life I feel obliged to throw my thoughts out into the open.

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Dead man walking.

How much respect is she going to have for him after this. Its virtually a free pass to do whatever she wants!

Your mate will end up single anyway...better now than in 2 years time with a kid on the scene.

He will then be single, broke -and- homeless.

I brought those points up with him. I told him that once living together the next thing on the cards could be kids. I asked "Do you really want to go through life wondering whether your kids are really yours? How would you feel X number of years down the line if you discovered you have been raising another mans child?". No real answer to this line of questioning.

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Definitely not remain, Id say leave and form new agreements

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Yes, one of my best friends killed himself in late 2013. This friend I am currently writing about is the same guy who back then had a Girlfriend who lead the Police on a wild goose chase when they were looking for my dead friend, who was only presumed missing at the time. Looking back on the women my mate has been with over the years they have all had some serious personality defects.

I think I may go round his sisters house to talk to her about this, after all she was the one who broke the news to him and I haven't had a chance to speak to her yet about all of this. I'm normally the guy that avoids getting involved in other peoples business but when I see a friend on the verge of potentially ruining his life I feel obliged to throw my thoughts out into the open.

Perhaps he feels guilty about what happened when your other friend was missing, and maybe the whole general circumstances which culminated in your friend's death. It is serious stuff for anyone to have to deal with. I am not in any way knowledgeable about this sort of stuff, but it seems like professional help is needed. I think you are doing the right thing by chatting to his sister to start with. He may just feel completely adrift, emotionally, and from that point a devil may care attitude and the path of least resistance through any given situation is easy to justify, whatever the longer term implications.

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Lord. I generally think people are a bit harsh when it comes to one off events.

Cheating,hitting your partner etc.

I do think folk deserve a second chance. But ****** me at least 8 times.

He's ******ed in the head.

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Lord. I generally think people are a bit harsh when it comes to one off events.

Cheating,hitting your partner etc.

I do think folk deserve a second chance. But ****** me at least 8 times.

He's ******ed in the head.

and she's ****ed just about everywhere else!

Tragic - poor guy

I'm in a terrible situation with someone very damaging and it's killing me slowly - I'm gonna watch TMT's video tonight

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Maybe he is depressed. A chat with his GP would be a good thing to encourage. If he is feeling like a passenger in life then his response seems plausible, and dare I say it, rational.

Edit, I seem to recall you have experienced tragedy with a different friend a while back, could this current situation have been influenced by what happened to your other friend?

This and

This if the above fails ,take pictures and send them to the slapper

He's not going to listen to you.

The only way of breaking his self destructive drive is to hire a good prostitute to chat him up in a pub and shag him all night (without him knowing her status). He might then realise that pussy is common and that things can be much better than what he is stuck with.

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and she's ****ed just about everywhere else!

Tragic - poor guy

I'm in a terrible situation with someone very damaging and it's killing me slowly - I'm gonna watch TMT's video tonight

Get out it gets much better ,been there got the T shirt ...and never ever go back that`s the cardinal sin start playing that game and they have got you

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and she's ****ed just about everywhere else!

Tragic - poor guy

I'm in a terrible situation with someone very damaging and it's killing me slowly - I'm gonna watch TMT's video tonight

Sorry to hear that KOJ, that you recognise it is good.

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Get out it gets much better ,been there got the T shirt ...and never ever go back that`s the cardinal sin start playing that game and they have got you

Went back once, she wants a third try. Nope.

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You've told your mate your concerns, you've done your bit and it's now up to your mate how he reacts. You can't go around rescuing people from themselves, it very rarely works and risks creating a co-dependent relationship.

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Went back once, she wants a third try. Nope.

Well that`s more my point it very rarely works as they see it as business as usual ,just prolongs the pain

And if there`s kids involved it just feck`s with their heads ...stability is what they need

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Went back once, she wants a third try. Nope.

It's like leaving a job sometimes.

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I can't understand men like this. I have a friend of a friend going through a messy divorce. His wife had multiple affairs and he said she could still sleep around of she stayed with him.

Eh? What the ****** is wrong with these people?

There's a line in 'Saturday night, Sunday morning' (good book of you haven't read it)... There are two types of men, ones that can look after their wives and ones that can't.

Absolutely true IMO and I'm glad not to be one of the latter.

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Are we sure she hasn't just been shagging our absent friend "eight" - and that's the real reason why he's quit hpc..?

XYY

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