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VacantPossession

The Ultimate Battle Of Vi Spin Begins

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The VI's are preparing for war. Each and every property professional is building the barricades, shutting down the hatches and making final preparations. The Associations of Estate Agents are retiring to their bunkers, RICS has sent out for its last delivery of ammunition, the VI journalists have the Thesaurus at the ready, the lenders are boarding up the windows and the Bulls are engaging under-age youths to the front line.

A final war of spin and words is imminent. The VI's are fed and watered, and installed in their battlements ready for the final onslaught of market vs vested interest. Like the Roman Empire, the housing market is shortly to collapse under the weight of its own absurd decadence.

Surrounding the beseiged ruins of the VI's ramparts is the unstoppable truth. Like all despots, those in power and control of property inflation can see the vast armies of reality slowly advancing, and they have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

In desperation, announcements are and will be made that make comical Ali seem a paragon of truth. Every statistic will be bent, twisted and distorted in an orgy of mendacity. Every glimmer of hope against the tide will be shouted from every banner headline on every website and newspaper. The ink will get blacker and the bold type thicker. "There is no need to worry". "Get back to the trenches....we are winning the war". "Your investment is safe with us".

"There will be no crash".

And yet, the conditions are there as before. As they were in 1989. And then, exactly the same battle was enacted.

Do not listen to them. Run through the lies and statistics with the finest comb. Dissect the spin with the sharpest scalpel. Explore the minutae of the tiniest spec of Vested Interest pronouncements with a microscope set to the largest magnification.

Be aware. The Bulls are desperate. Many of them stand to lose not thousands but hundreds of thousands. That is THEIR problem. Do not sympathise and do not over-gloat. It is time for a change.

Let it happen.

VP

Edited by VacantPossession

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Do not listen to them. Run through the lies and statistics with the finest comb. Dissect the spin with the sharpest scalpel. Explore the minutae of the tiniest spec of Vested Interest pronouncements with a microscope set to the largest magnification.

I reckon a blunt instrument would be better. You can spend hours combing, examining and dissecting, but when you cut into it you will only find the usual rotting necrotic core.

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meanwhile, deep in the bunker... the uberEA gathers his closest cohorts around him

"soon the twin armies of lower interest rates and the continuing strong economy will sweep from both sides and annihilate this insidious bearish force in a devestating pincer movement. We have allowed them onto our homeland only to spring the greatest surprise of all!"

<nervous looks are exchanged between the minions as the chief gestures towards imaginary armies on the map while twitching like Insp Dreyfuss in the Pink Panther>

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meanwhile, deep in the bunker... the uberEA gathers his closest cohorts around him

"soon the twin armies of lower interest rates and the continuing strong economy will sweep from both sides and annihilate this insidious bearish force in a devestating pincer movement. We have allowed them onto our homeland only to spring the greatest surprise of all!"

<nervous looks are exchanged between the minions as the chief gestures towards imaginary armies on the map while twitching like Insp Dreyfuss in the Pink Panther>

Excellent! More war and film analogies please.

VP

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Excellent! More war and film analogies please.

VP

The 216th Estate Agent Division under General Foxtons went down in history as "The Thick Inbred Line".....as apposed to The Thin.... :rolleyes:

Edited by Catch22

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"Never in the field of human housing have so many paid so much for so little. We will remember them" - EA morale boosting speech to the troops following heavy BTL casualties (2BR New build flat brigade).

Edited by greencat

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Where are Inside Track batallion and Property Guru/Mentor in this image?

Some are obviously eating all the pies stored in the bunker's larder ;-)

Others are trying to convince others of the buy one get one free seminar mantra.

I can imagine it now - "No refrain from fighting the invading forces you must learn why rising prices are low yields are such an opportunity for an inexperienced (ahem) sorry ambitious and soon to be successful landlord!"

Throw in an "achtung" or two and you have it I reckon. Und I ich habe keine einung was Ich has gesaght.....mein freund! (pardon the grammar)

SH

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"you men are dismissed."

then silence. brig-colonel mastercard was ready. he was ready to send his men to die. mere boys. house virgin soldiers who had never owned, nor had any chance to own and mostly from families that didnt own. but they were ready to go bust for the right to own for others. if they didnt benefits and bankruptcy were the best options anyway. the time of reckoning was here. and no one ran. there wasnt anywhere left to run to for the sacrificial generation x.

without warning at 4.30am the 32 huge 8in guns of the bull destroyer hms nimby opened up at once to begin operation market forces. a minute later the pocket battleships hms C4 news and hms breakfast tv joined in. volley after volley of quality TRUTH was released into the dawn. by the time the first shell arrived over the enemy, everyone on board was already deaf. the big ship jolted with every crescendo of fire and the cramped dark passages stunk of sulphur and the sweat of 1500 first wave troops. the 5050s they were know as. this was the battalion number, but also it was commented the survival rate of the men on the ground. these were the men who would step on the inflation mines. stop the VI bullets. breathe the inside track gas and be lifted by the abundant bbc booby traps. after that they murdered at will upon the lines of the ememy for medallions of copper, silver and bronze. anybody who walked through that beach would be the same as all previous high contact veterans. the body may come back from the battle but the mind would never return to peace.

in a few minutes the whistles would start and the landing crafts would begin to form along the side of the heaving ship. before then there was time for one last prayer amongst the ever constant guns......here and there were fleeting sailors with hand signals and lights. more guns, more ammo and someone somewhere was beating the theme of john cravens newsround on a water pipe and two empty LAW casings.

financial death was almost a heartbeat away.

Edited by right_freds_dead

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Guest Bart of Darkness

Trapped by the changing winds of fortune, the formerly beloved, now despised Phoney Bliar dictated his final testimony. Absent from his side was his former deputy Gordon Boorishman, who even now was attempting to wrest control of a ruined country from Bliar.

Before my return to private life I expel the former Reich Chancellor Gordon Boorishman from the party and deprive him of all rights which he may enjoy by virtue of the decree of December 22nd, 2005; and also by virtue of my statement in Parliament on December 1st, 2005, I appoint in his place David Blunkett, who has assured me that he personally can see no problems whatsoever with the nation's finances.

Boorishman, quite apart from his disloyalty to my person, has done immeasurable harm to the country and the whole nation by secret agreements with the VI's, which they have conducted without my knowledge and against my wishes, and by illegally attempting to seize power in the country for himself. . . .

My new, previously hidden armies of FTB's and BTL's will sweep in against the vast Red Ink Army to the East, with their crack units of Repo Men and Bailiffs, and the massed economies of the West, with their deadly IR rises. I know now that the British people, who have supported me so loyally in the past by spending above and beyond the call of duty, will not fail me in this, our darkest hour. Even now, the Volkssturm fight in the high streets of our land, the last few remaining young FTB's, innocent, naive yes, but fanatical in their commitment to the cause of "getting on the ladder". These very young fighters are joined by the old "boomers" of our country, MEW'ing and downsizing to the last man.

To all those who have supported me, I thank you. To those cowards and traitors who have scorned my words, may you all rot in your well appointed, deceptively spacious 3 bed detached residences and may your ill-gotten gold tarnish and lose its lustre. Farewell.

Update:

Nothing further is know of the fate of Bliar, although there are occasional rumours of sightings on the "after dinner speaker circuit". These have yet to be substantiated.

Gordon Boorishman is rumoured to have committed financial suicide, although no traces of his body have been found, possibly due to his going into voluntary liquidation just prior to his death.

There is still confused street fighting on the high street as of late December, with conflicting reports of casualties. A full account of the dead and overdrawn is not expected until January at the earliest.

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The VI's are preparing for war. Each and every property professional is building the barricades, shutting down the hatches and making final preparations. The Associations of Estate Agents are retiring to their bunkers, RICS has sent out for its last delivery of ammunition, the VI journalists have the Thesaurus at the ready, the lenders are boarding up the windows and the Bulls are engaging under-age youths to the front line.

A final war of spin and words is imminent. The VI's are fed and watered, and installed in their battlements ready for the final onslaught of market vs vested interest. Like the Roman Empire, the housing market is shortly to collapse under the weight of its own absurd decadence.

Surrounding the beseiged ruins of the VI's ramparts is the unstoppable truth. Like all despots, those in power and control of property inflation can see the vast armies of reality slowly advancing, and they have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

In desperation, announcements are and will be made that make comical Ali seem a paragon of truth. Every statistic will be bent, twisted and distorted in an orgy of mendacity. Every glimmer of hope against the tide will be shouted from every banner headline on every website and newspaper. The ink will get blacker and the bold type thicker. "There is no need to worry". "Get back to the trenches....we are winning the war". "Your investment is safe with us".

"There will be no crash".

And yet, the conditions are there as before. As they were in 1989. And then, exactly the same battle was enacted.

Do not listen to them. Run through the lies and statistics with the finest comb. Dissect the spin with the sharpest scalpel. Explore the minutae of the tiniest spec of Vested Interest pronouncements with a microscope set to the largest magnification.

Be aware. The Bulls are desperate. Many of them stand to lose not thousands but hundreds of thousands. That is THEIR problem. Do not sympathise and do not over-gloat. It is time for a change.

Let it happen.

VP

fine but if it's anything like real war then we get to execute the perpatrators after emerging victorious.

...nothing more enjoyable than getting the likes of kirsty/phil/shipside/nw/hbos in front of a firing squad.

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fine but if it's anything like real war then we get to execute the perpatrators after emerging victorious.

...nothing more enjoyable than getting the likes of kirsty/phil/shipside/nw/hbos in front of a firing squad.

No, not the way, though I understand the fantasy. As the two dear ladies said when confronted by a downed Luftwaffe pilot in a sussex field in 1994 exclaiming "I am a German pilot, please don't shoot me", they replied, "no dear, this is England....we don't do that sort of thing here, now come and have a cup of tea".

Sadly, we appear now to be far away from that charming anecdote. No point in punishing the strays...better to offer a cup of tea and thereby win over with civility. They have been guilty, but not of a capital crime.

VP

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A Devastating salvo from the VI's, but allas they have revealled they're position.

Capital Economics hedging their bets, Hometrack feeling a bump, The Times lashing in with nearly but no cigar stories.

I feel a stiring in the Ether, the pace quickens, every story is polarised with extreme views Bear/Bull of equal magnitude.

I love it !, the pressure is on, expect lot's of :- Yes it 's is, No it isn't, I'm not sure, Do you know ?, I can't believe my Dad told me to Buy, What ! you knew and you never told me !.

2006 will be the year of Realisation, when all considered views will point back to Aug 2004, forward to 2009 and the end of the biggest global real estate crash since Fred Flintstone MEWed his and Barney Rubbles Condo's for Wilma and Betty's Boob Job's.

I love the smell of Estate Agents shitting themselves in the morning, Smell's of .... Crash !

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"Never in the field of human housing have so many paid so much for so little. We will remember them" - EA morale boosting speech to the troops following heavy BTL casualties (2BR New build flat brigade).

Another way of looking at it...

Never in the field of shattered dreams has so much been owed by so many to so few. We WILL remember *them*

Edited by Islandape

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  • 302 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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