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Dave Beans

Pretentious Restaurants

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I have mostly given up on restaurants.......often there is nothing I would want to eat, and what is served up at great expense I often could make a lot better at home myself....the atmosphere and ambiance of some of them feels 'staged' with plenty of 'trying to be different and original' silly ways of serving up food going on....yawn.;)

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chilled-monkey-brains_Indiana-Jones_Temp

You know how I think. Where's there's opportunity, there's Profit.

It's a clever viral marketing ploy though, this is the New Social Media World Order, (NSMWO), even if the restaurants don't know they are doing it.

---

You go to some unknown expensive wannabe Jim Oliver clone upmarket restaurant which wants more customers (don't we all).

They give cheese and biscuits served inside a monkey head.

You are shocked, take a picture / selfie and put it on twitter, facebook, instagram whatever. Share, like, thumbs up, whatever.

People ask, so where was that? Et voila, you have new customers.

People pay for EXPERIENCES now, and will go out of their way for them.

Own a dying restaurant? Place an order for some weird things and get in on the act

New+Picture+38.jpg

You've got to stand out these days. Grow a beard, call your children weird and wonderful names like Moonbeam.

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I never really understood this. Wouldn't you rather focus on sex with a hooker?

Once the knickers are non-existant what else do you think would happen. Sit around discussing Brexit?

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chilled-monkey-brains_Indiana-Jones_Temp

You know how I think. Where's there's opportunity, there's Profit.

It's a clever viral marketing ploy though, this is the New Social Media World Order, (NSMWO), even if the restaurants don't know they are doing it.

---

You go to some unknown expensive wannabe Jim Oliver clone upmarket restaurant which wants more customers (don't we all).

They give cheese and biscuits served inside a monkey head.

You are shocked, take a picture / selfie and put it on twitter, facebook, instagram whatever. Share, like, thumbs up, whatever.

People ask, so where was that? Et voila, you have new customers.

People pay for EXPERIENCES now, and will go out of their way for them.

Own a dying restaurant? Place an order for some weird things and get in on the act

New+Picture+38.jpg

You've got to stand out these days. Grow a beard, call your children weird and wonderful names like Moonbeam.

Starbucks spell customer's names wrong, so that they will post the hilarity on Facebum, Twitfeed, and all the other gubbins...

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Starbucks spell customer's names wrong, so that they will post the hilarity on Facebum, Twitfeed, and all the other gubbins...

Episode of Law and Order last night had someone be really rude to his customers and harass them as a marketing plot.

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Episode of Law and Order last night had someone be really rude to his customers and harass them as a marketing plot.

That was Wong Kei's approach 30 years ago.

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I can forgive pretentious (or any) presentation if the food tastes good and the price is reasonable.

Unfortunately it usually indicates the opposite..

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I would pay extra to eat dessert made from jelly knickers on a high class hooker.

Would you like cream with that sir?

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My pretentious sisters arranged a pretentious meal for my mother's 70th birthday in March this year. It was as Midsummer House in Cambridge (convenient for them not us) and consisted of 8 courses (set menu), wine tasting and cheeses. With it not being expensive enough already they offered to pay for our aunties and uncles too, all the more galling that one is a multimillionaire retired banker (at the age of 36) to stockbrokers belt and has a yacht. They are all rolling in money so paying our £600 contribution for the meal really stuck in the craw. Meal was shit btw :D

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I have mostly given up on restaurants.......often there is nothing I would want to eat, and what is served up at great expense I often could make a lot better at home myself....the atmosphere and ambiance of some of them feels 'staged' with plenty of 'trying to be different and original' silly ways of serving up food going on....yawn.;)

+1. I really don't understand why anyone would pay a lot of money for a roast dinner. Never had one better than you can do at home.

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I have stopped going now. I have a bunch of friends who are stupid enough and snobbish enough that they want to pay a small fortune for the latest place to be seen eating in locally... so I have just stopped going with them.

Simply got fed up forking out a fortune for a meal which I thought was average or below average, and which they raved about at the time, only for them to later say how poor such and such place was.

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How nice the actual food is doesn't seem to be the point, the motivation for going seems to be a mixture of feeling that you ought to / badge collecting / wanting to impress people.

There's a Jamie Oliver 15 restaurant near me that several acquaintances have regarded as an essential thing to go to when on a break down here.

Now I have a lot of time for Jamie Oliver as he tries to improve things for people and does it with his own money, in the case of the 15 restaurant training young people to be cooks.

But strip away the brand image and you have food cooked by inexperienced chefs. That's want local colleges have done for decades as part of their catering courses with their cheap Wednesday meals that all the pensioners go to.

The colleges are probably better, if you are going for the actual food.

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My pretentious sisters arranged a pretentious meal for my mother's 70th birthday in March this year. It was as Midsummer House in Cambridge (convenient for them not us) and consisted of 8 courses (set menu), wine tasting and cheeses. With it not being expensive enough already they offered to pay for our aunties and uncles too, all the more galling that one is a multimillionaire retired banker (at the age of 36) to stockbrokers belt and has a yacht. They are all rolling in money so paying our £600 contribution for the meal really stuck in the craw. Meal was shit btw :D

£600 for a bit of grub. Ouch.

Now that is conspicuous consumption on a par with lighting your cigar with burning fifty pound notes. Which Leroy Lita (footballer, if you've not heard of him then keep it that way) used to do and probably still does.

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me, I like a "proper" burger.

it used to be about £5 or £6 for a proper burger with fries, a decent sauce in a tomato shaped plastic bottle plus a drink.

This weekend, as a treat, went to a speciality place, in town, a number of which have opened here.

hot and sweaty due to lack of aircon. nice menu, but the actuality was not realised, as the person who ordered the burger £11.00 got their tasty hard to frack up burger and the "bucket" of chips, we who ordered pies got shepherds pies in individual 1.25ins deep dishes, 2/3 filled with mash and a layer of "filling" at the bottom,to which I found what I thought was a single scraping of the star "duck" and the fish pie my partner had was mostly cream, both for over £12 and a "I have to tell you the pies take 20 minutes".

Desserts were pancakes which were rubbery and heavy, and a guest had browny, which at least was brown, all served with yogurt Ice cream (scooped with a teaspoon).

Having undressed right down to stay cool, we declined drinks at the end.

So much promise, so little substance, this bad news is going viral .

Pretenscious is OK, I understand it, but when the cheap end does it, it just has to be right.

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me, I like a "proper" burger.

it used to be about £5 or £6 for a proper burger with fries, a decent sauce in a tomato shaped plastic bottle plus a drink.

This weekend, as a treat, went to a speciality place, in town, a number of which have opened here.

hot and sweaty due to lack of aircon. nice menu, but the actuality was not realised, as the person who ordered the burger £11.00 got their tasty hard to frack up burger and the "bucket" of chips, we who ordered pies got shepherds pies in individual 1.25ins deep dishes, 2/3 filled with mash and a layer of "filling" at the bottom,to which I found what I thought was a single scraping of the star "duck" and the fish pie my partner had was mostly cream, both for over £12 and a "I have to tell you the pies take 20 minutes".

Desserts were pancakes which were rubbery and heavy, and a guest had browny, which at least was brown, all served with yogurt Ice cream (scooped with a teaspoon).

Having undressed right down to stay cool, we declined drinks at the end.

So much promise, so little substance, this bad news is going viral .

Pretenscious is OK, I understand it, but when the cheap end does it, it just has to be right.

Attended a family do on Sunday at a local "Gastro pub", similarly expensive cack.

Starter callimari more like crunchy scampi;

hard roast potatoes (unforgivable sin), undercooked veg;

and the crumble dessert was less than the sum of its parts - just unbaked crumble sprinkled on top of the fruit, custard glooped on top.

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Attended a family do on Sunday at a local "Gastro pub", similarly expensive cack.

Starter callimari more like crunchy scampi;

hard roast potatoes (unforgivable sin), undercooked veg;

and the crumble dessert was less than the sum of its parts - just unbaked crumble sprinkled on top of the fruit, custard glooped on top.

Yeah, but was it served on a plank?..that makes all the difference.

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