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happy_renting

Wot Not To Say To Wimmin

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Her: Do you like my new perfume?

You: Mmmm! Partly-digested giant squid vomited up by a whale, and do I detect a hint of ******** gland of civet cat? Lovely.

Her: You can cook your own dinner tonight.

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her: do you like my new perfume?

you: can't say I noticed. Is that you or did your housemates cook fish for tea??

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Her: Does this make my bum look big?

You: No Darling, it disguises the fact you have a huge **** quite effectively.

Her: You can reflect upon what you just said while you are sleeping in the shed tonight.

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Her: Do you like my new perfume?

You: Mmmm! Partly-digested giant squid vomited up by a whale, and do I detect a hint of ******** gland of civet cat? Lovely.

Her: You can cook your own dinner tonight.

In fairness to you some perfume does contain whale vomit she should have praised you on your comprehensive knowledge on the composition of perfume.

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Dunno, they won't speak to me for some reason.

Glad its not just me, some of the women I have to work with seem to look at me with disgust. I dont really speak to them now which seems to annoy them even more

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This one always gets me in trouble - "You look great today!"

Her- "so I didn't look great before?"

Honestly I think women are just too shallow and full of themselves, the sheer thought that they can't look great everyday confuses them :P

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This one always gets me in trouble - "You look great today!"

Her- "so I didn't look great before?"

Honestly I think women are just too shallow and full of themselves, the sheer thought that they can't look great everyday confuses them :P

Guest asks man grilling meat at a barbeque: "Where did you get the steaks?"; man replies: "the new butchers on South Street".

Same question to a woman; her reply is: "Why? what's wrong with them?"

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In my experience:

"That's nice"

Is usually met with the response

"Is that all you can say?"

You are expected to be more gushing and fake it. I knew one couple where the bloke always used to make me smile because if his wife cooked a meal "That's the best meal I've ever eaten", if they went to a hotel it was "The best hotel we've ever stayed in." and on and on and on. He also used to say it like he meant it, he really should have had a Bafta.

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"You're a dirty slut"

Its a great line - total marmite - because depending on the circumstance - they will want to either slap you across the chops and throttle you with their bare hands OR ride you till you bleed.

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"You're a dirty slut"

Its a great line - total marmite - because depending on the circumstance - they will want to either slap you across the chops and throttle you with their bare hands OR ride you till you bleed.

Doesn't sound like either is a particularly favourable outcome to me.

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